Post # 1
We’re planning on having a small wedding of about 35-40 people. The reasons for a small wedding are budget (we’re paying ourselves), broken relationships; I don’t have a relationship with my dad and have very strained relationships with his side of the family (not something I would like to deal with on my wedding day), and FI and I are simply not into having a large wedding, we’d much rather be able to spend time with all of our guests and have the focus on being married at the end of the day, than on a grand party.
I’ve already let my sister and mom know that this is what we’re planning, and I’m already getting negative feedback about how its not “fair” that FI gets so much more of his family at the wedding, and that there will be a lot of people hurt if they’re not invited. Our guest list is skewed, but thats because I have one sibling, and FI has 7, all with partners and 1-2 children! I’m worried about what other feedback we will get from family, especially FI’s very traditional Korean parents. I’m hoping some Bees have experience in holding their own when it comes to small weddings and can offer some hope!
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@lauralynn: Learn to say “no”. Practice in a mirror to get an idea of how it looks and feels. Then work on not feeling guilty about saying no. It’s your wedding and you’re paying for it so you and your FI have all of the say in the who, what, where, when, and how of it. Anybody not happy with that will just have to deal with it. I have also become a master of changing the subject when someone I am speaking to get too opinionated or says “but you have to do it this way.”
Post # 4
@lauralynn: Set VERY clear lines. We did parents/grandparents/godparents/siblings. Then our friends.
That meant no aunts or uncles or cousins! We send out a short e-mail explaining that we were saving for a house, and we’re both private, and we were having a very intimate wedding.
One Aunt responded by telling my Dad she never liked me, anyway (Way to be an adult!), and two cousins were sad they couldn’t go.
But EVERYONE else replied with best wishes and how happy they were with our mature, adult decision!
Post # 5
We almost ran in to that with ours as well. We are planning for 60 people.
What we did was just tell everyone that we wanted people who were present in our lives now and who will be in 20 years. We didn’t want to look back at pictures and say, “now who was that?”
our family finally realized this is what we want and they haven’t bugged us about it since… Now they are still insisting we have a bridal party–but we will win that discussion too.
Post # 6
We’re having 38 guests. Family wise its almost mainly all my FI’s family. On my side I have 9 family members coming. I don’t get along with my father, so he isn’t invited. Because of this his side of the family is boycotting my wedding. Fine. Don’t come is what I say. Honestly I didn’t plan to invite them anyway so they flatter themselves by acting as if they would have gotten an invitation. We have a lot of mutual friends coming though so that helps even it out.
I just tell people that we want a small, intimate wedding and that we’d prefer a big honeymoon over a big wedding. Pretty much everyone has been understanding of this, especially married people. I’ve never physically met a married person (if we happened to talk about weddings lol) who didnt think that their medium/big wedding was a waste of money. They all tell me that they wish they would have done it the way we’re doing it. It doesnt mean they didnt enjoy their wedding, and yes many of them are still married, but I think they look back and see what they paid and think its crazy.
Its not a family reunion, its your wedding. If you don’t want someone there then so be it.