Post # 1
FI and I are getting married on 11/16/13. Still can’t believe we only have five months! :O
For the most part, my family is pretty close and we always get together for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Both of my parents come from pretty large families; so as you can imagine, there is quite a lot of socializing around this time. Most of FI’s family are far away.
I will be honest here-I am absolutely not a social person. I suffer from social anxiety. I have gone to all these family events for my entire life, have lived with my parents under their rules for 22 years (FI and I are waiting to live together until after the wedding; we are Christians). I feel in many ways that I am finally getting my independence. I am still living at home because I lost my job and have not been able to find another. My parents have always been very protective of me and at times a little bit controlling. I feel guilty for doing things I want to do or spending money.
Here is my question-would it be terribly rude of FI and I to skip out on Thanksgiving this year, since its so soon after the wedding? We will be exhausted and right in the middle of a move, and honestly, I have spent 22 years with my family. I fear that this seems selfish, but to me it is wasted time to sit around stuffing my face and making small talk (especially hearing “How’s married life?” “When are you having babies?” thirty times) when I could actually be getting things done. This wedding is going to be hard enough, with my anxiety and all.
I just feel like I’m being caught in between being a kid and being an adult right now! My parents have overprotected me and sheltered me so much that I feel as if I can’t make my own decisions. I am so mentally worn out from all the family obligations. I feel that after the wedding FI will now be my immediate family, and I know that we will need to make these decisions without worrying about what anyone else will think. I just can’t seem to let go of the guilt.
Post # 3
@SparkleSun: Do what you want! Skip away!
ETA: Was this supposed to be a poll with options?
Post # 4
This will be a process for you since you have been overprotected and sheltered as you say, but it is incredibly important to set YOUR boundaries as a married couple now. That may mean growing a bit more backbone to stand up to them so that you can deal with the push back.
This is coming from a mom of 5 grown children. It is very rare to have all 5 home for a holiday. They have their own families and lives now and (dangit) I have to share and not demand. We celebrate holidays when it works for everyone, not necessarily the day the calendar says we have to.
I will tell you this: it is super tough as a parent those first few times your grown kids are not their for holidays. They have been there FOREVER!! Whose idea was it for them to grow up and have their own holiday plans? Just as it is a process for you , it will be a process for them. Some parents handle that better than others, but it is imperative that you and your new husband decide how you want to spend holidays and know that it is okay to rock the boat a bit. Please don’t tell your parents I said that…
If you and your new husband want to spend Thanksgiving alone then do it and don’t feel guilty. Be aware that if you are meek and mild and argue about this over and over your parents will most likely continue to pester you because they think you will give in. Be polite, loving, and firm.
Congrats on your marriage and good luck with your wedding.
Post # 5
You are grown! You can miss a holiday!
Post # 6
I miss most holidays with my family honestly. Either I’m working or I’m too far away (8000 miles) or both. Do what you gotta do.
Post # 7
Not rude. As a grown up married lady you can certainly make your own decisions.
BUT would Parents / Inlaws be disappointed, I certainly would think so.
Personally tho I hate it when a Holiday comes around and I have nothing planned to do…
Sitting around looking at 4 walls all-day when things aren’t open, and the rest of the world “has plans” is boring !!
That is unless you plan to put on a Thanksgiving spead with your New Hubby… can be fun, but mind you tons of work… especially if it is just the 2 of you.
Personally, I’d be looking to go to someone’s home (your side / his side) to enjoy the day.
But maybe that is just me.
Besides, if you do have kids in the future Thanksgivings will potentially be a lot more complicated / filled with work (even if that just means packing everyone and the car up to go to Gramma’s house)
For now, I’d be looking for the easy way out now… couple hours socializing, home cooked meal, and then the rest of the weekend for the two of you.
Hope this helps,
Post # 8
@SparkleSun: it isn’t rude at all. As we get older it is quite normal to start our own traditions and have other priorities. If you don’t think you will feel lonely I say go ahead and do it!