Bees who dated- How long 'til you found Mr. or Mrs. Right?

posted 1 month ago in Relationships
  • poll: How long did you do online dating before finding your SO?
    First person I talked to : (3 votes)
    5 %
    Not quite the first person, but pretty damn close : (12 votes)
    18 %
    1-2 months : (3 votes)
    5 %
    3-4 months : (5 votes)
    8 %
    5-6 months : (3 votes)
    5 %
    7-11 months : (3 votes)
    5 %
    1-2 years : (17 votes)
    26 %
    3-4 years : (10 votes)
    15 %
    5+ years : (9 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    215 posts
    Helper bee

    I went on one date with a girl I met on Facebook, about a month later dated a girl from Tinder for two weeks and then met my boyfriend about 2 months after that on OKCupid (which had been set up at the same time as the Tinder account). So third person, and about 3.5 months of dating.

    ETA: I set a lot of filters in place and block all non-potentials so I wasn’t wasting time. It helped find the right match faster. We didn’t actually meet with the intention of dating, but 12 hours after the meet up, we both burst and asked each other to be in a romantic relationship. I just knew this was right, and deleted my profile that day.

    Post # 17
    Member
    268 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    I checked “3-4 years” but it was actually kind of split up into two 1-2 year chunks! I online dated a lot for ~1.5 years when I was in graduate school on the East Coast, was in a relationship for a bit. It ended, and I decided to move back home to the West Coast. Here, I dated online for about 1.5 years too. I had just broken it off with a guy that I realized wasn’t making me happy, when I realized my profile was still active, and I had a new message from a guy – who ended up being my (now) fiance! 

    My advice to online daters is to always go into first dates with no expectations – just to meet someone new, have fun, and if not have fun, end up with a good story! 😉 And go on lots of first dates. The good ones are out there, but sometimes you have to sort through a lot of others to find them!

    Post # 18
    Member
    1532 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I started online dating (OKCupid) in 2012 and became exclusive with the 4th guy I went out with. We dated for a year and 2 months before breaking up. I started dating again online (OKCupid) after that and went on gazillions of dates over a period of 9 months. I signed up for eHarmony and became exclusive with the first guy I met on there. We dated for 9 months and were headed toward marriage…until he essentially ghosted me the week he was set to move in. I took a break of 6 months before I was ready to date again. Went back on OKCupid and met my H after going on dates with probably a dozen other guys. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    47 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    My online dating journey was a little strange. My very first date with someone I met online was actually with my now fiance, but at that time, we decied to go our separate ways. The timing wasn’t right. I then went on probably 10 or so more online dates over the next year, and then gave things another chance with him and now we’re happier than ever. 🙂

    Post # 20
    Member
    2067 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    About 2 years.  I used it on and off throughout that time.  I met 3 different guys in the first round, and ended up dating one for a few months.  Then I took a break.  A few months later I went back online and went on a three dates with a new guy.  That didn’t work so I took a break again.  After that, when I got back online, I went on 2 dates, and the second guy is my now husband.

    It is easy to get burned out online dating.  I liked my method of seeing what was out there, going on a few dates, and then taking a break for a few months if nothing worked out.  Then when I would get back online, there would often be a new batch of men.

    Post # 21
    Member
    319 posts
    Helper bee

    You can’t hurry love! I don’t think it’s realistic to expect to meet your future husband within a certain time frame, even when you’re actively looking and strategically dating. What does “too long” mean? There’s a LOT of stuff that has to line up to find a person who you’re compatible with, have great chemistry with, who ticks all your boxes, who feels the same way about you, AND who wants the same things as you. 

    I used various dating sites & apps, over a period of years, as well as trying to meet people IRL and being set up by friends, etc. In my most recent single period, I was actively dating for about six months using apps and sites. I went on at least 20-25 first dates in that time, and that was with a LOT of filtering. So I guess it took me six months in that time to meet my SO, but I’m 26 so I’d already been “dating” (including time in relationships that didn’t go anywhere for various reasons) for most of my adult life before that without meeting the right guy until then. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    4347 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I signed up for Plenty of Fish on a Saturday night (after a hopeless set up date lol). My now-husband messaged me the next day and we met on Wednesday. So, 4 days? Though I did text with some other guys in between and actually met another guy before DH, so he technically wasn’t the first. I also went on a date a few days after DH as well, though I had already chosen DH, but the guy had already bought tickets to a show and I felt bad cancelling last minute. I closed my account after a week. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    90 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Years.  I think 5 years 

    Post # 24
    Member
    18 posts
    Newbee

    I never had been on an actual date from online dating or really tried. My grandpa visited during Christmas and kept asking when I would get married (I was 32). I felt super depressed after that so I tried match/pof for 2 weeks each but didn’t really get to talking to anyone. I felt like it was me and I was too old to get anyone interested.

    Then I tried eharmony. I wasn’t a paid member so I couldn’t send messages or view anyone’s pictures but I could do the 5 questions back and forth. My now bf got to the last set of questions and sent a message. For some reason I wanted to reply. So i paid for the year membership and replied. I could finally see his picture. I liked what I saw! We kept messaging back and forth for 3+ weeks until he was pushing to meet. He was going to stop talking to me if I didn’t meet him. The first “date” was at his house late at night to watch a movie. I had never met anyone online before much less go to their house (sounds a bit unsafe for me) but I liked him so I went. Almost chickened out last minute. We liked each other a lot and kept seeing each other every week since then. 7 months later bought a house together. Now living together and after 14 months together I hope he will propose sooner than later.

    Yeah I feel lucky but I also waited a very long time to date and felt super lonely from the time spent alone in my younger years

    Post # 25
    Member
    60 posts
    Worker bee

    I prepaid a 6 month subscription on Match because I thought no way was it going to take less time to find a decent guy. I immediately became very overwhelmed by all of the messages, but within 2 weeks had gone on first dates with 4 guys. The only date I was excited about beforehand, and the only guy who got a second date is my SO. I closed my account two weeks after our first date, and by the time my paid 6 months was over, we had moved in together and had already decided we would be spending the rest of our lives together. Don’t know how I got so lucky. My sister, on the other hand, tried out eharmony for awhile, but hated it and never ended up going on any dates from there. 

    Post # 26
    Member
    4416 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    countingstars :  I can’t quite judge based on your poll, so I went with ‘close’. I dated one guy for several months so it’s not as though I was still looking at that time.  I think I started online dating when I was 24 or late 23 and met my husband at 25 (married at 34, the slowpoke).  Might have gone on 6 other dates in between.  I was pretty finicky about who I’d actually bother meeting.

    Post # 27
    Member
    268 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    I started looking to seriously date around 21 or 22 – might seem young, but I’ve never been one to enjoy casual dates very often. Met Mr. Right at 23, got engaged at 25, and will be getting married at 27.

    Post # 28
    Member
    148 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    I did online dating twice-first time when I was 27. I went on first and second dates with probably about 10-12 guys until I met my ex.  We dated for over 3 years and split up in Jan, 2016. Several months later, I went back online and connected with my now SO. We had actually met through mutual friends a few years back and really hit it off, but we were both with other people at the time. Now I can say that I’ve finally found the one! 

    Post # 29
    Member
    136 posts
    Blushing bee

    Cupcakenurse :  HA! Same for me. Ended a previous engagement, after a few months jumped back on the bandwagon on some site. Got tired of it/burned, switched to another site – gave that a month or two shot, then another site and so forth. About 14 months after the end of my engagement, I got on OkCupid. The first date hit the spot!

    Post # 30
    Hostess
    1251 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I did online dating off and on for years. I met a long term bf online several years before DH. I’d used match, eharmony, okcupid, and even Craigslist personals.  Aside from DH, I’ve dated lots of guys I met online.

    When I was single again and in a new city, I looked online again. I’d been dating various guy for about 3 months when I met DH. I was just looking for casual dating at that time, and so was he. I was the first girl he talked to online (and I messaged him first).  On our first date, I knew he was The One for me. I cancelled dates I had lined up with other guys and closed my okcupid account.

    I hope your friends don’t give up. Meeting people online can be tedious and frustrating. But it can also be really beautiful. 

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