Bees who have been actually waiting 6+ months how do you deal?

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
183 posts
Blushing bee

Why dont u just let him know how u feel? Its not fair to u to have to hold somerhing in when its obviously very important to u. You’ve been together long enough that at this point making urself crazy and holding onto resentment is prob doing more damage than ruining the surprise of one day. After 4 1/2 years i told him how i felt and it was the best decision i ever made. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Mango817.
Post # 3
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

c4rr134nn:  I knew he was going to propose soon and had heard he’d been shopping in Decemeber 2013. Christmas, New Years, two trips away and my birthday all passed. I was wondering when it would happen and why it hadn’t happened already. We also went through a period that tried us as a couple the most in the almost four years we had been together. When he did propose on our anniversary in May 2014 (which I didn’t think he was going to do on that day because we were on a sporting trip with 50 other people) it was amazing because I had decided not to worry about it anymore. I knew he would do it when he felt the time was right. I also knew I would say yes becasue we got through that time that tried us. I know we can get through it all now. 

Post # 5
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I was in this situation, and I decided to focus on me. Not is a selfish way, but I was, aside from waiting on an engagement, a daughter, sister, friend, volunteer, student, etc. and I acted like it. I studied and volunteered in Central America for 6 weeks, started my Master’s degree, and lost 25 pounds in the year I was waiting. It helped me stray away from moping and I’m sure it helped show my now FI what an awesome person I was to marry 😉

Post # 6
560 posts
Busy bee

c4rr134nn:  As unromantic as it sounds, you could ask him if there is anything he is waiting for, to happen first. One guy said he wanted to get his promotion first, due in 2 years. Then he surprised her by proposing a year in because he felt comfortable enough financially and realised by the time the wedding happened (a year later) he would have his promotion anyway!

One said ‘when I’m 26’, so here the guy – not yet FI, felt he was too young at the time and wanted to get his studies out the way and have ‘something to offer’, also vis-a-vis her dad.

Some people even postpone due to issues like house moves or family’s issues so that kind of thing would also not help in the run-up to an engagement.

So, you could probe to see if he has any ‘no budge’ areas (which may soften gradually, but are giving rise to his current attitude)

It could be as simple as that. 

Post # 7
1109 posts
Bumble bee

I was also in this exact same situation. My FI purchased my ring of April 2013 and I knew he had it, as in, I saw it, I touched it, but he held onto it until proposing nearly six months later in September. It was still special because he did it on our 5 year anniversary, but I definitely experienced the same craziness you are now. The worst part is that he knew THE WHOLE TIME that I knew that he had it, lol!

Seriously the best thing you can do is keep yourself busy, stay away from bridal magazines/wedding shows, and possibly cut down on the Bee time. But I know for me the worst offender was Facebook, seeing all those friends getting engaged, so I’m sure I could have done without that for a few months. If you see those things that are reminding you and upsetting you about the impending proposal, take a step back and focus on something else–it’ll be good for you and him.

Post # 8
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Contemporary Art Center of Peoria

I was in a similar situation, and I know it’s so much easier to say it than to do it, but try to do things that distract you. When people bring it up, change the subject. Pick up a new hobby. Like Laurenplusalex said, focus on you. I waited for 11+ months. It was worth it, and I would wait again, but at the same time it was completely agonizing, a legit rollercoaster of emotions; getting so hopeful and so excited only to be completely crushed over and over again. It is so draining. My sister got engaged a month before, and married 6 months after her proposal, so not only did everyone focus on her engagment, everyone was too busy planning her wedding to celebrate my proposal. I was jealous, too. I totally get where you’re coming from. There’s nothing wrong with being hopeful, but try not to obsess. It’s obviously in the works. 😉 Best of luck!

Post # 11
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

c4rr134nn:  How many more payments does he have left? He’s probably just waiting until the ring is paid off.

Post # 13
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I know the ring has been hiding at his place for about 6 months. The first few months were hard. Lots of engagements and marriages for friends. But then I decided to get a hobby. I’ve been reading and working out. Keeping my brain busy helps a lot. I still have my days but we’re still going strong and I know it’s coming. 

Post # 14
592 posts
Busy bee

Girl I feel you. 

My SO has had a ring picked since Jan/Feb 2013. By the time he proposes, he’ll have had it for nearly two years. In that time, one of my bffs, who swore she’d never marry, became engaged and then married. Lol. Hell I can name five couples that have met and married in the time he’s had the ring!

I thought I’d go batty, depressed, nutso and so many variations. Particularly for this one 7 month stretch. Ultimately, it was a combination of having VERY frank, VERY blunt discussions with my SO, watching my friend stress over planning and me becoming so damn tired about caring to be able to get back into a good head space. I was pretty obsessive myself, always comparing my relationship to others. Eventually I just got it through my thick skull that it doesn’t matter what others are doing, and it has no effect on my own relationship. 

Hang in there! Time really can fly. 


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