Bees who have struggled with eating disorders

posted 3 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
Member
3097 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

🙁 I’m also struggling, I used to obsess about what I ate, and then either work out or make myself throw up, sometimes both. Like you my weight has also fluctuated drastically, from being smaller to my current suze (+30 pounds) in the course of a couple of years. My husband loves me no matter what, but I feel bad that I gained so much weight while with him. I’m now just trying to eat better and hopefully find a nuce balance between caring too much and not enough. I hope therapy helps you <3

Post # 4
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’ve been recovering from binging and bulimia for about three weeks now and highly credit therapy with helping me really finally reach my ‘I cannot do this anymore,’ moment. I struggled with obsessing over food off and on from childhood and the tough thing with this is that part of your weight is from your body feeling ‘fear’ that it’ll be food deprived again and wanting to hold on to every calorie it gets because of your previous restrictive eating. I have found that stopping all restrictions-yes, even if you are obese-is the best way to help your body physically get over cravings, stop obsessing over eating ‘bad’ foods and stop allowing food to be such an important part of your life. I found that actively viewing food as nourishment, not a comfort or emotional outlet has helped-and I’m having to frequently remind myself of this. The first week of eating like this I ate a pastry every day and lots of carbs, and refused to feel guilty about it but this week I have lost the urge-a small piece of chocolate is enough and the rest of my meals are much smaller-my body is getting the hint that ‘bad’ foods are there if I want them but they aren’t a craving anymore because I’m showing my body it’s ‘safe.’ try looking into the book The Gabriel Method-it’s simplistic and definitely not a cure, but has a lot of good ideas about how this is more than a mental or willpower issue you can control-EDs are all about control, but this helps explain why they can’t work and how to break the cycle. Hang in there. You aren’t alone.

Post # 5
Member
1506 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@Jazzylove:  I have been struggling with ED since I was 9. I am 24 now. I went through treatment for anorexia when I was 15 and 17. I ‘recovered’, but like you I just went to the other end of the spectrum, and ended up from being around 35lbs underweight to being around 50 over. Then, bulimia kicked in. I’ve been in therapy for that for a few months now. But without a whole team, I don’t know how far it will go. Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I hope it is helpful. I’m still totally struggling with feeling guilty at times, and yes, initially you may gain a tiny bit, but I’m already seeing my body get better, a reduction in sweet cravings (my personal Achilles) and I have NO desire to binge, and I went an entire year binging almost daily. It’s amazing and I have no doubt you can reach that point too. Feel free to PM me any time about anything. 

Post # 8
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I had disordered eating habits for years, from about age 10 to 22.  It got to its worst while I was in college, beacuse I could restrict and purge whenever I wanted. I aimed for less than 700 cals a day, and went to the gym daily for intense cardio and strength training, then would crack and binge and purge (laxatives were my demon).  I belonged to a very destructive online journaling group that was pro-ED, and I rarely slept. My BMI didn’t drop terribly, so I was never formally diagnosed, but I would fall into the ED-NOS category.  

I’m now 28, and terribly overweight.  I’m looking for a therapist now (I also have GAD and Panic Disorder), and am hoping that they will also be able to help me find peace with food.  I can’t “causually” diet, as I become obsessed with calorie counts and skip meals again, or turn to pills of some kind.  

My moment of realization/peace came when I found my SO, and he was so distraught to learn of my habits (he was studying for a psych degree at the time).  He helped me to apologize to myself (literally, facing a mirror), and it broke my heart for a little while.  I moved to a healthier weight and habits, and I felt really good. WIth him I ahve been able to love myself more and give up some control, but it is a battle everyday.  We want to be married next year, and I need a healthier way of feeling in control.  Over the last 6 years, I have gained 70 lbs, and have very little self-esteem.  SO supports as much  as he can, but I need professionals again. 

-hugs to OP-

Its a dark place, but light reaches us.  You are lovable, you are worthy of love and happiness, and we will all find a way to the surface.

Post # 9
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Jazzylove:  Congrats on taking that awesome first step!

I struggled with anorexia and bulimia as a teenager and a young adult. Therapy helped me tremendously by giving me the techniques and just the support to walk through that path. I now have a happy and healthy relationship with food and my body. 

As someone who got her masters in counseling and worked at an eating disorder clinic, I want you to know that your experience is very common. So many people go from one spectrum of disordered eating to the other – so try and calm the guilt you feel about that a bit. Stop visualizing one of your “bodies” verus the other. Try and focus more on YOU. Disordered eating is disordered eating and your mind is still fighting with that “negative programming.”  

From a personal side, i fought it by becoming my own best friend. I know that sounds a bit strange, but i dont know how else to describe it. I became passionate about who i am, inside and out. I learned to laugh with myself, cry with myself, experience life for the good and the bad. I learned to love – Me, unconditionally. And i learned to have unconditional faith in myself.  I also never let myself leave anything unanswered. If a thought or emotion came into my head and i had one of those “ugh, i dont know why i feel like this right now” feelings, I would sit there and make myself figure out why. Afterall, every feeling and thought, originates within us. Whether it was through writing, photography, walking or just meditating, i stopped allowing myself to leave things unanswered. It wasn’t an easy road, but it was a beautiful one. I love how deeply I feel like i know myself now and how hard i had to push myself to learn to love myself unconditionally and have unconditional faith in myself.

 

Post # 10
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Jazzylove: I went through a period of heavily disordered eating that left me with a pretty significant health change, but I wouldn’t say that I’ve had an eating disorder. That said, I have a very close friend who was treated for bulemia and anorexia numerous times, and I’ve seen personally how difficult her journey towards recovery has been. I just wanted to step in as an outsider with a bit of understanding and say that, even though I know I’m a stranger to you, I’m in awe of the strength of character it takes to admit you have a problem and seek treatment.

Support! 🙂

Post # 11
Member
422 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - Rebar

@Jazzylove:  I dont think i have ever struggled or rather have been diagnosed with a eating disorder but when i was in middle school i would starve myself a lot. I used to skip breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner. I was super thin and still felt super fat. This went on for three years. I used to obsesses over my weight…my mom found out about me skipping meals and tried to get me to eat at home…which i did but then i had the neccesseity to purge. I would go to the bathroom and tried many times but i never got myself to do it more then 3 or 4 times. Now i am 25 and lately i have been feeling really overweight. I am 5 feet and i weight 118 pounds. I feel really fat and i have been wanting to purge and just get rid of this weight. I am feelign the way i used to feel back when i was in middle school and it scares me a bit. I havent told my anyone but my SO. He has really supportitve in whcihever way he can. I keep distracting myself…but i am really not happy with my weight. I feel bad to even feel like this. I used to see a therapists when i was in middle school for this reason…but i am not sure as an adult i should…for soem reason it breaks my heart to feel like this. My SO always makes me feel beautiful and everyone i know things that i am at my perfect weight but i dont see it at all. what is wrong with me?…

Post # 13
Member
439 posts
Helper bee

@Jazzylove: 

Ive had food and body issues as far back as my memories go. As early as grade one I thought I was fat. I Spent a lot of time starving myself in high school and college. I’d see how many days I could go with no food at all. The first time I purged was grade 9 but I didnt become seriously bulimic until my early 20s.  

I tried therapy but it didn’t really help me. It just gave me more anxiety. I think I binged right after every session. i just wanted to learn practical ways to to overcome it but all they wanted to do was talk about my feelings and my childhood.  Everybody is different though and I think it helps most people. I don’t really think I’m bulimic because of childhood trauma, I think I just legitimately never learned to properly feed myself. My mom has food issues and I think I learned all her bad habits and picked up some worse ones along the way. If you think your issue is more on the mental side then therapy will probably help, if you’re more like me then talking to a nutritionist could help too. 

The best thing I’ve done is to stop trying to lose weight. For the first time in my life I don’t know what I weigh and I don’t care. I guess I haven’t gotten too fat since my clothes still fit. I do count calories still but not to restrict, I do it to make sure I’m eating enough. I eat a mimimun of 1800 calories and try to keep it under 2200. Those numbers were unfathamable to me a couple years ago. I wouldn’t eat that much in a week. now I’m not hungry all the time. I don’t obsess about food, I don’t crave anything, I dream of my next binge. I just eat when it’s time to eat. I don’t know who’s the asshole that keeps telling women to eat 1200 a day because that is not enough!  I used to think it was way too much and now it makes me mad because I realize what a tiny amount of food that really is. 

I havent completely recovered yet, I still binge and purge once or twice a week which might sound bad but I used to do it 3 or 4 times a day. Every waking moment was devoted to my eating disorder. I dropped out of school, I couldn’t hold a job, went into massive credit card debt mostly from junk food, all so I could starve/binge/purge. I’m doing so much better now. I’m happier than I’ve ever been and I’m still working to gradually get free of this. Its a long, hard process that I have to work at every day. I actually managed 3 solid months purge free this year! I’ve relapsed a bit but just knowing I can go that long gives me hope. Next time I’ll aim for 4 straight months 🙂

Post # 14
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I struggled with anorexia from the age of 14-17 and then bulimia on and off from 17-21. i now regard myself as 95% recovered. The main factor was my fiancé. He took a while to understand but eventually he became my partner in all of this, someone who I can always turn to. 

 

It it took about a year and a half if actively trying to recover before I felt success. I’ve had counselling, meds, psychiatrists And dietitians in the past but they actually trigger me more than anything. 

 

What at helped me: 

 

NO MORE WEIGHING. NADA. NONE. Not for a minimum for 8-12 weeks at a time. When you recover your weight will fluctuate. This is upsetting to know and triggering. Help yourself recover by not triggering yourself. 

 

Eating properly and regularly with my fiancé. I gauge portions on others around me, and healthiness of food choices on what my fiancé is having. I always had a chocolate bar each day (my usual binge food) so that I didn’t get overwhelmed with the urge and binge. I walk to the shop each day to buy this 1 bar. 

 

Forgiving myself when I have a slip up. 

 

Reminding myself why I need to be healthy. 

 

Learning what ‘hunger’ and ‘satiation’ actually feel like. I discovered I didn’t know either sensation. Eat when I feel sick. Stop eating when I feel sick. I’ve somewhat changed that now. Not perfectly but I’m much better. 

 

ita an upward slope. It’s difficult. But the day you can say you are recovered (and I’m still overweight) is an amazing feeling. I still get those thoughts sometimes but I remind myself not to listen, because my life is so much brighter now that it’s not ruled by the exercise bike, the scales, or the kitchen. 

 

Good luck!! 

Post # 15
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Jazzylove:  You are just as amazing and inspirational. 🙂 Feel free to PM me whenever if needed. 

Post # 16
Member
3989 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I completely understand the sensitivity of this thread, so please excuse me if this is crossing any lines.

May I ask if any of you ladies have had children or are pregnant and still suffered from your ED?

I’m asking because my best friend of 15 years has been bulimec ever since I have known her.  I’ve tried to get her help many times but she’s always refused it.  Her parents (Colombian) support her disease as long as it keeps her skinny. Her Husband doesn’t know about it, or he pretends not to know.

Anyways, she had a baby two years ago and still binged and purged.  The baby was born at 24 weeks.  I can’t say for certain that it was in due to her disease but I can’t imagine it helped any.

She is now pregnant again and I feel like I need to talk to her more seriously about her the bulimea could really be hurting the baby and putting herself at high risk.

Does anyone have any advice?  Especially from those who are seeking help now actively.  Or would it be best for me to stay out of it?

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