- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2011
I have a good job that I am happy in (research). I have been here for a few years now and feel secure, although it is in academia so not having a PhD puts me at the bottom of the totem pole. I started a PhD program this semester, part-time, that is run by my department. So far, so good. Today however, I found out that the schedule is changing next semester and it’s going to make it very hard for me to balance my work/home/class schedules (e.g., I will have to miss weekly work meetings due to class; I will also have to be in class when I currently am at home).
Anyway, the whole schedule change got me thinking: What am I doing here? I like what I currently do, but I don’t think I want to be a faculty member working like my supervisors do. I very much value my home life and while Darling Husband and I don’t have kids yet, it’s certainly on the horizon. I started because it was here, being served to me on a silver platter, and I felt like it would be foolish not to do it. Now I’m thinking that whole logic was the foolish part.
I know if I quit I would feel like a failure, embarrassed, and ashamed around former professors and students that I would have to see on a regular basis. On the other hand, I would feel very much relieved. It will be a hard decision, and unfortunately has to be made rather soon. I might regret it, or I might regret staying in something I don’t really enjoy. At the moment I have no clear research focus, but I know if I quit I won’t start again in the future.
I thought by starting this program I would be done with these horrible dilemmas of trying to figure out what’s next, but clearly I was wrong about that too. Anyone out there have any words of encouragement? Any one else ever gone through this dilemma? What decision did you end up making?