Post # 1
Hi Ladies.. I got engaged back in March and recently have been discussing upgrading my center diamond with my FI. There are several reasons why we are talking about this- but if we did upgrade, it would not be until the middle of next year right before our wedding. Anyway, there is a part of me that loves the idea of a bigger diamond, but I would have to trade in my current one in order to get the new one and I don’t know how I feel about that. For those of you ladies who have upgraded and had to trade your original diamond in, did you feel guilty at all for doing that? I don’t want to jump into upgrading and then regret it later on!
Post # 3
@bkm0826: While I didn’t “upgrade” to a larger size- we did return the ring he proposed with and got a new one- because we paid too much for what the first one was. FI did everything “right” LOL- he went and bought the EXACT ring I showed him online. But we were both uneducated in diamonds.
So we paid a lot for a .5 carat, I1, H color, unspecified cut diamond- we returned and bought a .5 carat, J color, VVS1, ex cut, sym, polish GIA diamond for LESS. So in a way, I did upgrade- but the point is- I don’t have the ring FI proposed with.
I am sad about this- bceause it was sort of sentimental for me. But at the same time, it was SOOOOOOOOO hard to look at my ring everyday and know we paid WAY too much for what it was (even though I truly loved my ring!)— so I was super torn. In the end, we obviously got the new ring- and he asked me to marry him again once it arrived 🙂
What’s most important is how YOU feel about it. I was able to get passed my feelings about it because there was something tearing at me by keeping it, too. In your case, if you questions or doubts, I wouldn’t do it. I don’t know what your ring looks like – add a halo? Get a new setting and use the gold from your old ring to make the new setting? Or just leave it. No one can tell you how you’re going to feel about it- just because a lot of bees have happily upgraded more than once doesn’t mean you will be OK with it. And once you do, you can’t get your old ring back.
I think you just need to decide what’s more important to you- upgrading for more bling, or having the ring you became engaged with.
Post # 4
Here is the thing.
I have had TWO upgrades, but I kept all of the rings. I wear them all, in rotation!
If I had to give up my original (Awesome stats but small) diamond I never would have upgraded.
Post # 5
I am planning on upgrading my center stone for a TEENY bit larger, but much better cut and clarity (and color… but I honestly couldn’t tell the differencce).
I am doing it because I have two inclusions that just drive me NUTS and I can’t get past it… although I have tried and tired!
The way I see it (I have a 3 stone ring) I am keeping 2 of the same diamonds, plus all the side diamonds on the setting, plus the setting itself. So TO ME its kind of like buying a house and replacing the carpets, its still the same house with all of the memories and awesomeness, but it just looks better! 🙂
Post # 6
Thanks for the advice! The reason I am considering the upgrade is because he gave me an original budget, but then let his mother influence his final decision based on what she wanted him to spend, which ended up being about $2k less than what he told me his budget was- plus she threw a couple of college loans on his desk that he originally was not responsible for just so he would spend what she wanted him to (basiclally with the college loans he would have to lower his budget)…
I love my ring, but occassionally I get comments about it being small and then that just triggers in my mind the fact that he let his mother have control over the most important decision of his life and the fact that the extra $2k could have made a significant difference in the current size .. now he got a promotion and has offered to upgrade it after realizing he was wrong in the first place to let his mother have control like that.. decisions, decisions!
Post # 7
Upgraded center diamond from original engagement ring (17 years old) in January. Love my big beautiful diamond and don’t regret trading in my old stone at all! I got a good deal on a trade in, which helped pay for the new stone.
Post # 8
@bkm0826: I probably would have felt guilty, at the stage you’re at, just because I was so in love with my diamond! After 8 years of marriage, I upgraded, at my husband’s suggestion. I didn’t feel guilty at all. :). Now, at 11 years, we are picking out a new diamond to replace the upgraded diamond that I lost. Now that makes me feel guilty. My husband said I shouldn’t feel bad at all because it was just a mistake. As long as you and your FI are picking out the stone together, don’t feel guilty. It’s not like you’re upgrading for a different guy. 😉
Post # 9
If the ring isn’t what he originally intended to choose, then I don’t think you have a thing to feel guilty about when/if you upgrade. That is between you and your DH, and thankfully not his mother this time. Get what you and your DH imagined you having in the first place and don’t look back.
Post # 10
@bkm0826: Biggest decision of his life was NOT what ring to buy you- remember that- it was to marry you!!
Shame on anyone who makes any comment- unless it’s a compliment- on your ring. Mine is small (.5 carats) and no one has ever said anything about the size. I have gotten so many compliments- especially from the people who work in the smaller jewelry stores I have been in while looking fo a band.
Also- it seems like you are concerned about how much he spent. Don’t be fooled. I was at Kohl’s the other day and there was a .43 carat, IGI certified I2-I3 princess cut for $4300 ummmmmmmmmmm wow. Seriously?
Take a guess at what we paid for my .50, J color, VVS1, ex cut, ex sym, ex polish GIA diamond.
It’s sooooo not about the $$!!! It’s about what you love girl!
Post # 11
Yes I upgraded, yes I traded in the old ring, No I dont feel guilty. The wedding ring to me is the important one the e-ring I plan to change again 🙂
Post # 12
I had to get a completely different ring than the one he proposed with, because it was terrible quality! Basically, they forgot we’d ordered the ring so they resized a massive one down and the setting was ruined but poor FI didn’t know better when he picked it up. So, the ring I’m wearing now is the same style as the original but it’s not the one he proposed with. I don’t really feel an attachment to it, which makes me sad. I’ve asked him to think about getting something engraved so it feels a bit more sentimental.
If you’re upgrading part I don’t think you’d feel too bad but replacing the whole thing was a bit traumatic for me :s
Post # 13
@bkm0826: We chose to upgrade for our anniversary. We’ve been married for some years now. I am choosing to trade in the wedding bands instead of the engagement ring. My engagement ring is more sentimental to me than the wedding bands, so I decided to keep it, and maybe pass it down to our children some day. Trading in the wedding bands will still offset a large cost of the upgrade, so it works out perfect for us!
Have you thought about waiting until an anniversary to give yourself time to see if you want to keep yor e-ring for sentimental purposes?
Post # 14
No guilt here, for two reasons:
1) I don’t get particularly attached to items because there are too many factors that can lead to your separation from that object. Don’t get me wrong- I really like my things and I was bummed for a bit when I lost my original wedding ring. But, when you get down to the heart of it, stuff is just stuff. Which leads me to my second reason..
2) For me personally, the importance of my ring is what it represents as a symbol of our commitment. It could be any ring.. the meaning and its purpose does not change. So it doesn’t matter to me whether it’s the original or an upgrade- they all have the same sentiment.
Post # 15
Although I looooove things and treasure them, I am not too sentimentally attached so I have no problem with upgrading. My initial ring didn’t work out as an everyday engagement ring. It was designed too delicate and the smoky quartz got scratched up. I upgraded to a platinum and diamond ring, which worked out amazing!
Also, I didn’t really like the promise ring my bf got me at the time, so I sold it and got a heart pendant to wear everyday. Amazing how my now husband just plays along with my desires 🙂 He doesn’t mind, as long as I’m happy!
Post # 16
Yes to the upgrsde, it was planned from the beginning, yes we traded in the original and I did feel a little guilt at first but now I don’t.