Bees with Divorced family's and step parent disasters…HELP!

posted 3 years ago in Logistics
Post # 3
Member
42472 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MsGinkgo:  Your Mom was being very gracious when she said she could deal with sitting at the same tabe, but I think it’s time to give up your dream. Your parents are no longer together. If your Mom, your SM, Dad and ? (if your Mom is in a relationship) got along well, it would be different, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

Why make your Mom endure a tense evening sitting at the same table with a woman you hate?

I would find another way to seat them- Mom and ? with some of your family members, Dad and SM with some of his family members and FI’s family at their own table.

Post # 5
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I put my father and his wife at a table, and my mother at a separate table with my siblings.  There was no way I was going to force my mom to sit at a table and stare at my father’s wife. 

Post # 6
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@MsGinkgo:  Don’t seat them at the same table.  I sat my mom and stepmom at the same table at my first wedding because I thought they would be fine and I wanted my family to sit together.  I found out months later that my mom said something extremely rude to my stepmom in front of my stepmom’s daughter that completely hurt her feelings and was completely inappropriate of my mother to say.  So this time I am keeping them separated and I have asked both of them to politely avoid one another so there are no hurt feelings that day.

Seat mom at one table and dad with stepmom at another.  Let dad’s family deal with her.  It sucks for them but they’ll get over it.

Post # 7
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MsGinkgo:  We are having the same type of reception (plated meal, etc), and have split families, whom are seemingly children in this process, and have also already ‘requested’ whom they do or do not want to sit by 🙂  In lieu of this, I have decided to do the following: 

Table on one side of the room – closest to our head table – will be grooms father, grooms father gf, grooms grandma, and aunts/uncles. 

On that same side, one table over will be brides father, brides father’s date, brides grandparents and aunts/uncles.

Table on other side of the room – closest to the other end of our head table – will grooms mother, grooms stepfather, grooms grandma and aunts/uncles.

Table on that same side, one table over will be bride’s grandma, and bride’s aunt/uncles. 

They will be ‘far enough’ away from one another, and not seated at the same table, etc.  Seems so silly to have to do it this way, but it is what it is!!

Post # 8
Member
795 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MsGinkgo:  what is FI’s family like? Can you sit SM and Dad with them?

Post # 9
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MsGinkgo:  Hi there. I admire you wanting the families to get to know each other beforehand. However, if I was either of them, especially your mom, I would find it awkward at best and I might find it took away some of my enjoyment of the reception.

As a future SM with a salty relationship with his ex, it would be my pleasure NOT to sit at the same table as the ex-wife. I’d rather socialize with the groom’s family at a pre-wedding event than try to get to know them at the reception.

Post # 10
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My parents are divorced, my dad has moved on with a happy relationship that we are very supportive of and my mom has become bitter/jaded over the years towards him.

Despite it being ideal if my family could sit together at one table, I believe one should come to terms that their family is no longer “one family unit” since the parents are seprated and respect their decision to divorce by seating them at separate tables. It depends on the state of their relationship after their divorce, whether they are happily civil towards each other or not.  In my situation, my parents are not civil towards each other so I need to respect their decision.  

For my wedding, I will have my dad and step-mom seated at one table with my future in-laws.  My mom and siblings will sit together at a different table, not in close proximity.

 

Post # 11
Member
1951 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@MsGinkgo:  my MOH had the same issue at her wedding. She sat her dad and his awful, awful golddigger of a wife at a totally separate table that wasn’t even close to her mom. I understand your desire to have the whole family together at one table, but the reality is that is just not the nice, or right thing to do.

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