Weddingbee boards

So rather than my emotional post I wrote earlier, wanted to see some different views.

If you have fertility disorders or it's taken you longer to TTC than you thought....do you wish you'd started sooner?

I have PCOS and Endo, but we're revisiting our TTC timeline.

Thanks bees!

@mwitter80:  Thanks for your response. My issue is that the unknown and what-ifs really get to me. I've got anxiety issues anyway, so that doesn't help. I'm not sure if I'm ready or not - not because I don't think we would be good parents or fine in other aspects, but really, comes back to the what-ifs.

I'm a pcos patient as well, diagnosed for about 7 years.  I got the diagnosis before I even met my husband so it's always been a discussion on the table. We started to ttc a year after our wedding (I was 27) kind anticipating that it would take a while, but would have been delighted if it happened right away. I think if we'd started sooner it would have been a bad idea at this point (7 months ttc) and that if it takes a year or even a little more to actually get pregnant i'll still be happy with our timing. If it turns out we waited too long and it's completely off the table I may be singing a different tune.  

@MissGreen:  That is interesting to know - how are you guys approaching it now, if you don't mind me asking? I always forget which bees go with which story.

@SapphireSun:  That last part is exactly where I'm coming from with my worries. If it takes a year or more, like I expect it to, then we're alright. No harm done. But if I can't have kids at all, though there are plenty viable alternatives and I am perfectly okay with adopting (I have 1 adopted sister and another adopted sister on the way, obviously it's pretty normal in my family) I still know I would have some twinge of regret. The unknowns. Urgh. Btw, good luck to you guys. :)

I think the huge different between you guys' stories and mine is that FI and I were already serious when I found out. We had already been together over 3.5 years. When my Dr was guessing about the PCOS we were about 6 months from getting engaged (it was summer 2010-ish) but then when it was confirmed and when I had my LAP for Endo we had already been engaged for close to a year. We never planned on waiting too long for kids anyways - our magic number, prior to fertility as an issue, was always me being 24/25-ish and FI being 26-27-ish. The other reason that isn't ideal NOW is because I'll be smack-dab in the middle of a Graduate program (it's a combined M.Ed./Ed.S. that takes 3 years).

I don't wish we'd started sooner because we had already pushed up our timeline when we started trying. Like SapphireSun, I was diagnosed with PCOS before I'd even met DH so it was always something that was on our radar. At first we were planning on waiting a year after the wedding but we reevaluated right before we got married and decided that we were at a place where we were both ready and we've been trying ever since.

@AmeliaBedelia:  I think that is a huge difference.  It's so natural toplans a life together that looks a certain way and I kind of think there's more of a grieving process when its more concrete ideas.  Whereas I was so early that I had a lot of time to build my own life that might be no kids or adoption etc and theN seek out a partner who was open open to it as the early building blocks of our relationship beIng aware of potential challenges. 

Not that I don't think couples who find out later cant do well too, just different. 

@SapphireSun:  I agree completely about the grieving process. I think that's pretty much exactly what I'm going through now. I don't want to put myself in a place where I have regrets that I feel RESPONSIBLE for. Being in control of your own destiny and all that. I think FI and I need to get to that place you mentioned, where adoption is a more real option rather than an alternative. It's so weird, because my family is so full of adoption stories, I just never knew I'd be in the same position prior to trying.

@Jenn23: Do you think you would have taken a different path if you had known? Just thoughts? 

@Running Elley: I guess we are in that pre-marriage same place. We have to sort of grieve, like SapphireSun said, before we can make a sound decision I think. It's tough, but I'm not telling you anything new I know.

@PandasWifey:  It really is something that I don't think can be a "firm decision." It's more of a series of discussions. That is, until you get that BFP that we all want so badly. :)

@WaitingweddingBE:  I'm sorry that you're in a similar position. :/ I know there are no right answers.

Yes, I kind of wish we had - but at the same time, I'm glad we didn't.

We already went about things a different way, what with beginning our TTC journey before we were married. I don't think it would have made a difference though, since I have so many problems with ovulation, and because we weren't in a financial position to take up further RE advice earlier than when we originally did.

But still.. it doesn't stop me from wondering that if we'd started earlier, we might have a baby, or at least a pregnancy, by now. =/

@mmsva:  Do you mind telling me more about the TCM? I do want to be in the best possible situation since I'm 95% sure we've decided to put it off for a few more years. I am pretty young though, so we don't feel like it's a huge issue to wait a few years until we are better off financially, because to be frank if we needed extra help TTC then we'd be SOL as far as money. Our current goals would be to use this time to REALLY prepare as much as we can - slowly get more "kid friendly" vehicles, upgrade some of our house stuff, me finish grad school and have a good job, work on our health, build up our savings.

Our plan is (?) for me to go back on BC because that was helping to at least regulate me and help keep my hormones better balanced. I had gone off a few months prior to the surgery and haven't gone back on it because, up until our more recent discussion, we were talking about TTC officially right after the wedding. How exactly does TCM work? I imagine it'll be a bit difficult to find that in our area but maybe not. Thanks!