Bees with friends also planning….

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would you check in?
    Yes : (21 votes)
    72 %
    No : (8 votes)
    28 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6279 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    would you invite her to yours and want her there? if the answer is yes, then ask her.

    also, she might go on her honeymoon right after the wedding, so she may be out of town for a few weeks anyway.

    Post # 4
    Member
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    You’re only looking at the one date, right? Then I would book that date and  talk to her after!

    Post # 5
    Member
    34 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    If those 8 people are important to you and if you would consider changing the date based on their attendance I would ask her.

    A friend of mine booked her church and venue only to find out that a different couple who shared much of her guest list booked the same date in a different city.  Luckily my friend was able to change her date at both venues, but it was still pretty inconvenient for her.

    Post # 6
    Member
    460 posts
    Helper bee

    Communication before a decision is made can make things much easier than one of you maybe having to make a change after a decision, deposits, STDs, etc are made. Kudos to you for being considerate of your friends’ wedding and attendance; hopefully she will be equally communicative and appreciative of your approach in consideration of your mutual friends’ ability to attend both events. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    2056 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    If you would each want the other (and the mutual friends) to be there, then yes.  One of my best friends got engaged two months before we did, and we talked a lot about not having the weddings on top of each other.  We set our date first, but talked with them about it (they were thinking May/June, we were thinking Sept in part to create some space).  We ended up booking Sept 14 and they got married June 22.  WE are both in the other’s weddings, though, and have about 30 overlapping friends.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1662 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Fi’s female cousin is planning a wedding also. We’re friendly and hang out sometimes. Our weddings will be a good 8 months apart, so no worries there.

    We have been checking in when we do something major, like setting the date or buying a dress. Our weddings will be very different, so I don’t think we’re worried about overlap or similarities. More like, “Check this out!” “Awesome!”. 

    You should totally talk to her! Maybe it’ll be fun to talk to someone in the same boat. Also, if you definitely want her there then you should check the dates.

    Post # 9
    Member
    10748 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I’d totally talk to her! It is so much fun talking to other brides planning their weddings. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1734 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    Book your date, then tell her. If it turns out she’s also booked something in the meantime, ‘whatever’ is my stance. It’s only 8 people it might overlap with anyway.

    Beware the dramatic bride, though. My husband and I, despite dating far longer, got engaged after a couple we know mutually. Their wedding was late April one year. We had ours in late March (we had no other guests in common). They bitched and moaned and ‘joked’ about it for months. It was ridiculous. You get one wedding day, not an entire month, season or year.

    That’s one of the problems I have with weddings – just that people can become really self-absorbed and can’t see outside their own wedding. We were juggling their wedding, problems with his sister, etc.

    You don’t owe her a pre-check before you make your date. If they can’t make it, they can’t make it, along with the other couples.

    Post # 11
    Member
    7216 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @BrandNewBride:  @CookieCreamCakes:  I agree with these two posts. Book, then tell her. (So I voted “no”).

    Only check with her if you’re prepared to move it if she wants that date. That’s why we only checked our date with immediate family.

    In an ideal world, each of you would inform the other after booking. So May 17 is free until she informs you otherwise, or vice versa.

    Post # 12
    Member
    606 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I wouldn’t ask her if she hasn’t set a date yet. I agree with @paula1248:, the date is open until she informs you otherwise.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1670 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    My FI’s brother got engaged last Christmas, and we had been talking engagement at the time. We waited for them to set the date (we hadn’t announced our engagement yet) before setting ours. We are having to get married fairly close together and obviously our dates couldn’t overlap (they’re family) – if they are important to you, I would ask first!

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