Bees With Nondiamond E-rings? Hate People's Attitudes Toward My Ring

posted 2 years ago in Rings
Post # 2
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

They sound like assholes. Sorry you have to deal with that. The family actually said they’d rather have a diamond? What business of it is theirs? None. Next time they bring it up, just cut them off at the pass and change the subject immediately. Maybe they’ll eventually get the hint.

(And I adore, adore white sapphires–I don’t suppose you could post a pic?)

Post # 3
326 posts
Helper bee

coachhw:  you have right attitude! Congratulations on your engagement!  Eff the Haters! 

Post # 4
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Don’t let them worry you. Perhaps pull his mum aside and say something like…

‘look I hear that you guys are harrassing Fi about the choice of our engagement ring. Please dont feel that it is inferior to a diamond or reject the idea of us choosing an alternative stone. I chose to have a diamond alternative, and I am very happy with our choice.

It means more to me than any other ring because that is the ring that your son gave to me when he asked me to share his life with him. I appreciate  and thank you for your concern, but we have decided that a white saphire is the best choice for us because it is more rare than a diamond, and is true to how we are when we chose to start our lives together.’

Big hugs to you and Congratulations on your engagement!!! Would love to see some pics of your ring!! Love white saphires!!

P.s I have a diamond alternative too, so I completely get where you are coming from 


Post # 5
5162 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

coachhw:  They are being lame.  

People have strong pre-concieved notions about what consitutes a “real” engagement ring and I think that many people have never even considered that anything but a diamond (or even, anything but a ring) could be used.

They are just being silly.  But I will bet that once you get married everyone will drop it.  Just power through and make sure to re-assure your FI that this is the ring that both of you wanted, regardless of what his family says.

Post # 6
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

People are just jerks when it comes to rings. I have a diamond in my ring, which is an heirloom from FI’s side of the family, but it is very small. I’ve gotten things varying from how “cute” my ring is, to the implication that a stone that isn’t large enough doesn’t count, to “I wouldn’t have accepted a ring that wasn’t new if I were you,” as if he only proposed because there was a ring that was convenient. I guess what I’m trying to say is, you can never please all the people all the time. Even if you had a diamond it sounds like his family would be criticizing the choice to spend that much money on it, or it wouldn’t be the kind of ring they would have chosen. Not sure why people think engagement rings are any of their business. I don’t know that I’ve figured out a magic combination of words that get people to back down, but I try to own the decision and let people know it’s not their place to feel badly for me, since I don’t. Besides, after we’re married, people won’t care any more! Good luck with them, and don’t let them affect how you feel about your ring, I’m sure it’s perfectly lovely, and they can suck it. 

Post # 7
9 posts

I get the same thing from family. When my fiancé proposed, he made it clear that he wanted me to pick my ring. At the time, he was going through a bitter custody battle so I told him to focus on lawyers first. we simply picked an inexpensive alternative. I think him having his son was way more important than my ring. So now we are ring shopping but I still don’t know if I want a diamond. I absolutely adore rose gold and morganite!! But people had the same reaction, “oh, it’s not real?!” It’s real to me. And being a family is as real as it gets 🙂

Post # 8
1432 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Gorse Hill, Surrey, UK

Id it’s a little bit unusual, regardless of the subject, the majority of people aren’t quite sure how they are supposed to react. Sometimes that comes across as rude without meaning to be, but other times it’s just pure ignorance on their part. 

I’m sorry you have to put up with it, I guess it comes with the territory of not following the “norm”. 

I have a ruby engagement ring, and occasionally I get a bit of a blank stare or I have to explain we just didn’t like all diamonds. Just let it brush over you, it’s only you who has to live with it 🙂

Post # 9
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Ugh, that sucks. My thought is that when you a) refuse to engage in their conversations about your ring and b) continue to wear it with pride and love, their needless chatter will die down. 

I’m sure your ring is beautiful – post a pic so we can all admire?

Post # 10
220 posts
Helper bee

coachhw:  Ask them if they think that Princess Diana’s/Kate’s engagement ring isn’t real because it’s not a diamond. Or all of the other royalty who have non-diamond rings (most of them don’t have diamonds, actually). In fact, sapphires used to be the prominent stone for e-rings before DeBeers came along and put on a brilliant marketing scheme for diamonds to make it seem like they’re more important than any other stone. Don’t get me wrong, I think diamonds are beautiful, but they’re certainly not the only stone acceptable for an e-ring, and they’re certainly not worth their price at all. 

Post # 11
1766 posts
Buzzing bee

I got my 2.5 ct forever brilliant moissanite in December. My gparents and all four of us were driving to a Christmas party when my 4 yr old says, ” mommy got a new ring!” My gma said wow or something like that. I said it wasn’t a diamond…thinking that she thought we had spent $15,000-$20,000 on a diamond. She was flabbergasted. She coped an attitude and said she couldn’t believe I had gotten a “fake” ring and how it’s cheap and embarrassing. She was really rude about it.  Mean while she’s wearing her incredibly poor quality diamonds that don’t even sparkle. Some ppl really get a stick up their butts about rings and other material stuff. Ignore them…it’s their problem not yours. Be happy and proud of your ring!!!

Post # 12
129 posts
Blushing bee

coachhw:  try not to let it get to you, I know the feeling.. Some people that I work with and also family members thought it was crazy of me for wanting a sapphire for a e ring, I didn’t end up with a sapphire but I always thought white sapphire were beautiful as well! can u show us a pic of your beautiful e ring? 🙂

Post # 13
30 posts

I love sapphires! Who said your ring has to be a diamond? As long as you love it it’s all that matters. 

Post # 14
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

coachhw:  If they’re having a hard time dealing with “it,” then that’s their problem, not yours. I wouldn’t clarify anything, and I would simply ignore them. What I would do, however, is let your FI know that this is the rock you wanted. Assure him he hasn’t let you down because his family’s behaviour is likely affecting his self esteem, especially if he came to ask if you’d like his grandmother to purchase a diamond for you. 

Considering what diamonds go for these days, you’d think his family would be proud of you two for being sensible.

Post # 15
7923 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would NOT take PPs advice and confront them. Your FI should be doing that for you. 

Its really obnoxious and ignorant of them. Many many people have non diamond engagement rings. The diamond is not what makes them an e ring- the significance is. Honestly in my group childhood bffs- all women in their 30s with awesome careers and husbands with great jobs… One morganite, one sapphire, one topaz, and one diamond ering in the bunch.


Leave a comment

Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors