Post # 1
How do you make your other half happier when they are under school stress?
I always tend to have a tough time letting my SO have the space he needs to do his work and be aware that he can’t really do much around the house, so I take all that on and try to keep myself entertained when I’m home as if he wasn’t there, but I still really want to do something for him.
Just a note: I can’t cook for him because he doesn’t really eat big meals, just little snacks all the time.
Post # 3
I’m in the same boat as you. When DH is in the shower, I’ll sometimes throw a towel in the dryer so that I can hand him a warm towel when he comes out… he really appreciates it. I also leave notes at his desk letting him know I love him. Sometimes I’ll do a “drive-by” where I stop in while he’s studying just to give him a quick hug from behind and a kiss on the head. I have to do a lot of self-entertaining too. Thank goodness for Netflix and earphones.
Post # 4
I think I have double insight into this – my DH and I met in our doctoral program. He ended up leaving because he hated it so much; I just finished my PhD this June.
So, I will say – ultimately there is only so much you can do, and it sounds like you’re doing all of it!! Giving him his space, recognizing that his stress is neither about you nor your fault, taking up a little extra slack around the house. Every now and again you can do something a little special – pick up his favorite snacks, give him a backrub when he needs it, get tickets to his favorite band (if it’s in the budget), plan outings for evenings or weekends that you know he has a lighter homework load.
What NOT to do: put his needs before your own too much; let him use grad/professional school as an excuse to be rude or inconsiderate to you; take on considerably more than your share of housework all the time, rather than just at times of acute stress (exams, deadlines).
One of the things HE has to learn in grad school is how to balance work demands with the rest of his life, which includes his responsibilities to you. Because work pressures won’t go away once he gets the piece of paper.
Post # 5
Well I am the SO who is stressed becuase of school, and honestly it sounds like you are doing everything you can. If you have a hard time giving him space, try to pick up a new hobbie or go out with girlfriends more often.If he is THAT stressed all the time I think he needs to look at his stress management techniques, and find some way to de-stress. But it is normal to get stressed out when there is a lot going on.
For me personally my biggest help is when my FI lets me be stressed and is understanding. He stays strong when I am stressed and tells me things I need to hear like that I haven’t ever not gotten my work done, etc.
Post # 6
@MissDW: For me personally my biggest help is when my FI lets me be stressed and is understanding. He stays strong when I am stressed and tells me things I need to hear like that I haven’t ever not gotten my work done, etc.
YES, this x a million
Post # 7
I bake him a lot of cookies for weekends I can see him. He love snacking and sweets. I also give a lot of emotional support, professional school is a lot of work, and knowing that we aren’t doing it alone is nice. And weekends we both have a lot of work to do, we will go to his office and work side by side, still spending some time together, but getting school work done too.
I wish I could do more, but we are LDR until I finish my masters and join him next summer (he is working on a phd).
Post # 8
All these suggestions are really good! I never thought to put a towel in the dryer to warm it, that’s cute! And I will totally do the cookies. I always make cinnamon buns because he loves them (and I don’t eat them) but cookies would be even easier and potentially funny. (icing decorating is go!)
I just moved to a new city/state so I don’t have a social life yet. That will make things easier.
@mightywombat: I actually wrote this post because though we had plans (dinner/movie) for this weekend (my bday), he said there won’t be time for them because he’s got alot of homework. I hate feeling like I can’t do anything for him and then it stung to be told we can’t hang out this weekend. So I figured I’d move to try to make one of these situations better. 🙂
Post # 9
Well I’m about to find out because my husband begins his MBA program (at night while working full time) on Monday! But, it won’t be completely foreign because for the first 1.5 years of our relationship I was a full time law student and for about 14 months my husband was studying for two super hardcore professional exams.
One thing we always try to do is make schedules to spend time together (even when we live together). Like, Tuesday and Saturday nights are always our nights regardless, we make it a priority. Other than that I just try to not take it personally when he is grumpy, and keep reminding him I’m proud of him. I do also do the drive-by’s as mentioned above, usually every hour or two when he’s studying I’ll stop by for a quick hug and a kiss and then leave without saying anything.
Also, since he is starting his program on Monday I got him a little “congrats on your first day!” gift (a movie he’s been wanting and a fav candy)