Bees with Step Kids…. Sticky, Sticky….Need Help

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
2537 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

This is really weird to me.  I don’t have any advice as I’m not a parent.  Could she be abusing him?  I’m pretty sure keeping a child home from school can be viewed as neglect.  I’d have your SO talk to the school AND a lawyer and see what they suggest.

 

Post # 5
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

@Coral99:  Im really bothered by the shower thing, that SHOULD NOT be happening! If he is 7 years old he is more than capable of bathing by himself and she as a parent should know better.  Since you dont know the details of why she keeps him home it is a little hard to give perspective on that issue but I would definitely encourage your FI to speak to a lawyer about gaining custody of his son. Also, if I were you, I would be contacting your local CAS/CPS about the showering thing. I would honestly be more worried about that than her keeping him out of school. There is something about this that does not sit well with me, and I have a feeling that once you really start to dig into this you might find out a sh*tload of stuff that is going on. Im going to wish you luck with this and I hope Im wrong and that nothing more serious is going on. Also, try talking to your SS about home life at his mothers, he might tell you about how things are there.

Post # 6
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@sparky263:  Whatever you do, document all of it. Every single thing. Everytime he is home sick from school and any other odd behavior. The showering thing, it’s probably something she’s done with him since he was little but he’s too old for that now. It’s good you notified the therapist, if the therapist thinks it’s CPS worthy, s/he will report it, it’s manadatory. Does she see a therapist as well? 

My MIL used to let my FI stay home from school all the time too. It wasn’t an abusive situation at all, she just liked the company. It’s absolutely not the way to raise your child, he should be in school, but not every parent is perfect. This is definitely something that needs to be resolved. For one, the child is missing school. But also – he’s learning that he can just ignore his responsibilities. After graduating HS my FI would often call in sick to work, because he didn’t know it was not appropriate to do so, based on how his mother would let him stay home all the time. 

Post # 7
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

@jny1179:  oops sorry, Im not the OP. Your response would be for @Coral99  🙂

Post # 9
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

@Coral99:  He may be telling you that everything is fine because that is all he knows so he thinks its normal, or his mother told him to keep it a secret. Im not trying to scare you but it could be a possibility. Im glad that it was reported and please continue to check up on his situation at his mothers house. He may not necessarily be being abused but it is better to be safe than sorry. Good luck. I hope this all turns out ok.

Post # 11
Member
6747 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think this is unacceptable, but I do think you need to pick your battles.  For example, I personally think that the dentist is an acceptable reason for your child to miss school.  At least with my dentist- late or weekend appointments are hard to come by.  And I think that muddies the issue. 

 

I would stick to her keeping him out of school unnecessarily and the bathing thing.  We have a rule in our house- if you are sick enough to miss school- then you miss after school fun stuff too- AND go to bed early.  That weeds out the real sickness from the faking!

 

 

 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

@Coral99:  That generally happens with victims of SA. They dont realize that is isnt normal if they grew up in that type of environment. Even though you are reporting everything to a therapist, if you feel that they arent reporting potential abuse to CPS  then you and your FI need to. Therapists may have a legal obligation to report things but sometimes people slip through the cracks or dont tell their therapist everything. Just something to keep in mind.

Post # 13
Member
2783 posts
Sugar bee

@Coral99:  I would contact social services and tell them whats going on. If it is in fact illegal, she can get in big trouble for him being sick and never seeing a dr

Edit: I just read the part about the showering thing and that is totally wrong! Your FI needs to speak to an attorney about getting custody of his son. And you NEED to report whats going on. I don’t even like my two year old daughter seeing my SO in boxers, let alone showering together?! That’s sick 

Post # 14
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

How often is she keeping him home just for fun? I fel like that is a WAY huge issue! I wud definitely talk to someone about that. Maybe she needs fewer custoday days during the school year?

I don’t think the showering thing is a big deal, though. My brother and Mom still shower together, and he’s 9. He says he likes talking to her about Minecraft.

Post # 16
Member
2884 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

i think people are over reacting about the shower thing if im honest. so they aren’t even showering together? even if they were and he’s a bit old for that – its not *that* weird. its not like shes asking him to soap her up while talking dirty

the staying home without a good reason is a cause for concern though. is it possible to have a sit down meeitng all of you, preferably in the school

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