Post # 1
So I have a bit of a dilemma.
My sister wants us to get matching tattoos. She has shown me her ideas and I think they are really cute and are very “us”. Here’s the problem, my bf doesn’t like tattoos. He appreciates the art aspect of them but think that they look trashy on people, I love tattoos and really really want to get a couple. I don’t have any as of yet but was thinking about going to get some very soon and this idea that my sister threw at me is pushing me to get it done soon (she wants to go in March).
I know that it is my body and I can do what I like with it, but I’m just a little afraid that my bf will hate them and hate the way I look because of them. They will be on my body for life but my bf will also have to see them for the rest of his life too (hopefully).
So, has anyone gotten a tattoo when their SO didn’t particularily want them to? How did you bring up the subject of getting one? How does your SO feel about it now?
Post # 3
@sparky263: Honestly, it’s your body and if you really love it then do it! Your sister is probably a bit more important to you than your bf (if I’m wrong here then ignore me) but I also love tattoos and so does my FI so I also dono’t have the same point of view here.
Post # 4
@sparky263: I got mine before meeting FI, but he loves the one I have. He may be a bit hesitant about me getting a second one, but it would depend on the design and placement.
Continue talking to him about it. Explain that you love him and respect his opinion very much, but that this is something incredibly important to you. Be open and honest with him about what you intend to do – lying will only make things worse for both of you.
I don’t have any advice other than that. Hopefully some other Bees will be able to help you out a bit.
Post # 5
I don’t have any personal experience with them, but maybe you could get a small one in a discreet location like your ankle/foot or behind your ear, and/or you could do a “test drawing” with marker for a few days and see if he can adjust to the idea. Some people do this anyway beforehand to make sure it’s what/where they want, too. He’ll probably end up thinking it’s cute, like a freckle or beauty mark.
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2014 - Excalibur
I’m not much help since my FI also likes tattoos. However, if it were me, I’d get the tattoo. It’s your body and it’s just sine ink. How about you put it someplace that your clothes cover?
Post # 7
The tattoos will be in places that are very easy to hide (feet, ribs, back) since the career that I want will probably not appreciate tattoos everywhere. We have talked about it in the past and he always says to do what I want but he isn’t a fan of them. I’m just worried that it will change how he thinks of me and what his reaction will be. I guess I will just have to continue talking this out with him.
Post # 8
I would flat out ask him. How would you feel if my sister and i got a tattoo together? I would place it in X spot. It’s important to me because of the bond I share with my sister. It would be tasteful and artistic.
See what he says. I would be in the camp of doing it anyway, because it’s my body. A lot of people have different opinions on tattoos, but it really doesn’t change who the person is underneath it all. So I don’t get why people are bent out of shape about it.
Post # 9
@sparky263: So he isn’t a fan, but he still thinks you can do what you want? That sounds much more reasonable.
I agree that you should tell him about what you want and why. If you have a sketch of it, maybe you could show him and explain that it will be easily hidden and what size it will be. And I agree with PPs who suggest doing a mock drawing with marker or pen so you get a good idea of whether this is something you really like and want (and it will give him a better idea of what to expect).
People change over time. He may wind up hating them or he may wind up loving them. It is sweet that you’re considering his feelings as much as you are, but sometimes you just need to do what is best for you.
Take some time and see what happens.
Post # 10
- Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo
My sister and I got tattooed together the day after my wedding, so I might be a bit biased, but I say your body your choice. Have you talked specifically to your BF about this tattoo, what you want, where you want it, etc? It’s quite different to get a small tasteful tattoo and to get a giant slug on your face or something. (Unless slug on your face is really representative if you and your sister, but then maybe you should rethink your lifestyle. ) I’d also recommend doing your research about who/where you get it done–you really do get what you pay for.
Post # 11
@sparky263: I have 11 tattoos, and half of them are large and visible. I had a few before I started seeing DH but I made it clear that tattoos are my “thing,” they’re a part of me, and I don’t let anyone dictate how I decorate myself with them. We have had a few disagreements over where I have wanted to put certain designs, but at the end of the day, it’s my body and my decision to make. For me, tattoos are permanent and hugely personal and I am the only one who is going to decide what they are or where they go. And really, if you do get this tattoo that means something to you and your boyfriend actually leaves you over it…do you really want to be with that person anyway?
Post # 12
- Wedding: August 2013 - backyard in the woods
I got two small ones knowing that my DH doesn’t like them. He’s known I wanted one for years. When I made the appointment I told him, and asked if he was cool with it. He said he was. Just because he doesn’t like them doesn’t mean he’s going to tell me what to do with my body. Since I know he dislikes them the ones I got were small and discreet. My friends are already trying to talk me into more (and bigger ones) but I have declined out of respect for my DH. If I was single I would honestly probably get more. But, my husband respects me enought to not tell me what to do with my body, so I respect him enought to take his wishes into account, within reason.
Post # 13
@sparky263: hmm…that’s kind of a toughy. After dating my SO for about 3 months, I didn’t ask but instead told him, “Hey, I’m getting a tattoo on my ribs for my birthday. Let’s make it a date–you come along, and we’ll get dinner after.” Granted, turns out Mr. H really likes tattoos, but I didn’t know it at the time and it didn’t matter. I loved my tattoo design, and he really liked me (at the time, now he loovvvessss me haha). And early last year we went to go get tattoos together; I involved him in the design of mine and that made him absolutely love it even more. I am now proudly rocking the sound wave of me saying, “I love you,” and him saying, “I love you too.” down my left side of my back.
Even if he’d hated tattoos, I think that because of how much he loves me and my body, those feelings wouldn’t change over a meaningful tattoo. Now, had I gotten a tattoo of Animal from the Muppet Babies right over my belly button, he’d probably hate it if it meant nothing, lol.
I think in your case, it sounds like you really want the tattoo. Go for it. I think it’s fine for your BF to not like tattoos and for you to have one; it’s your body. I mean, does he ever do things to his body that you don’t approve of for yours (is he a smoker, and you don’t smoke, for example)? If he’d let something like this come between you then you need to have a bigger discussion anyway.
What does the design look like? Placement?
Post # 14
@sparky263: I’m a big believer in “My body, my decision.” I don’t agree with “asking permission” or asking what he would think about it. I’m more along the lines of “This is what I’m doing, sorry if you think it’s a bad idea” or, more commonly, “This is what I already did. Guess you’re going to have to deal with it!”
If his attraction to you lessens because of something like a tattoo on your ankle (read:small and barely noticeable unless you’re looking for it), what happens when/if you have kids, gain/lose weight, cut/dye your hair? I get that a tattoo is permanent and those other things aren’t, but none of those physical things change who you are as a person.
Get the tattoo. Don’t ask permission and don’t apologize.
Post # 15
@s2bmrscook: We actually already have 2 kids and he saw the whole transformation and loves me even more because of it. I’m just trying to be considerate of him because I know that if he were to do some premanent drastic change without talking to me about it I might be a little irritated.
@MrsHalpert: He doesn’t change a whole lot about himself other than shaving lol! The design is a saying that perfectly describes me and my sister’s relationship and I was considering putting it down my ribcage so it will be hidden all the time.
@Newly_MrsA: Good point, I don’t think he will leave me because of it nbut I’m worried that he will look at me a little differently. Like I said in my OP, he thinks they are trashy and I just don’t want him to think I’m trashy because of some ink, I know, kinda silly.
@soontobeMrsBoo: Haha yeah definitely not a giant slug but not a tiny butterfly either. It will be hidden all the time anyway. I am definitely going to research everything about the tattoo artist that I can. I don’t want to end up with some horrible looking mess on my body.
Post # 16
@sparky263: Tattoos are not trashy…people can be…but not a tattoo….tell your BF to reassess his feelings about them, because you’re pulling the trigger on Sissy Tats in 2014.