- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
FI proposed 3 months ago, with a ring I automatically did not LOVE, but I did not say anything because I didn't want to hurt him, and hoped I could actually like it. I don't. I asked FI offhandedly what he thought about other people upgrading or resetting and he was very against it!
So I've considered wraps, but even a wrap won't give me the look I'm really going for. Also...when FI bought my ring, his friend bought the SAME ring, only with a bigger diamond. (He has not proposed yet, but we all know it's coming) So now someone we are both very close to, has the same ring, only better.
The e-ring is also very difficult to find a wedding ring to (matching ring was BAD BAD BAD!).
So...how shall I tell FI? I have NO problem with paying everything to have it reset (I want to keep the original diamond), I just want to hurt his feelings as little as possible.
Bigger doesn't really mean better. I would be honest... it's something you have to wear everyday of your life! Be delicate though, I'm sure it will hurt his feelings at least a little bit.
Show us the ring and maybe another bee can suggest ways to enhance it. What do hate about it? Is it the metal, the cut of the stone? or the size?
I do not want a bigger diamond. I honestly just hate the setting of it. I've posted pics before and no one had suggestions...
i really dont like my ring but my hubs LOVES it. rather than hurt his feelings, i plan to change it for our 5 yr anniversary...i havent figured out how yet though...
You didn't have a "Keep the ring my FI picked out with me in mind" option, so I voted Other.
Hm. Not the same, but here's my experience. As my wedding gift, DH bought me a ring from the Frank Gehry collection at Tiffany. It's a nice ring, but it looked ridiculous on me. I felt terrible telling him it didn't suit me, but he was very sweet and said he wanted me to have what I would love wearing and that it should be something I wear often. We went back to Tiffany and exchanged it for a beautiful necklace and pair of earrings. I would very very gently let him know you're having a hard time finding a matching wedding band and that it's really important to you to have a really great set, and it would likely be easier if you had the diamond reset in another band if he was okay with that. I would leave the friend out of it for the time being.
I checked your previous post and I saw the ring he got you.. are you looking to just get a new ring altogether? and would you have to take it off for work? because from the other thread it sounds like he picked that setting just so you would be able to wear it at work with it getting in your way.
You can just find a wedding band you like and tuck your engagement ring away in your jewelry box. A lot of women dont wear their engagement ring because it is not practical to have thousands of dollars on your hand while you work out, clean house, do dishes, take a shower ect.
@bells: Which is one of the reasons I feel bad for being so "ungrateful" (which I'm not, I just want something I love!). Yes, I would have to have the new one made so I could still wear it to work, so I would have to talk to a jeweler about how to work that out.
Mmmm I would use the excuse of your friend having the same ring ... but now that im thinking of it... he might just say "Well good thing you got it first"....Hmm....gosh I cant imagine beng in such a pickle!
I would just be delicate as PPs said! You have to start by being honest, you dont want this stuff coming up in an argument one day! EEK!
Best of luck!
I'm sorry to be bitchy but you don't have to love the ring, you have to love the guy. You don't love the ring for what it is or looks like but for what it represents.
I disagree with the "you don't have to love the ring." Well, not completely, because you don't have to love the ring, but it would be nice.
So, here is an expensive idea. Reset your original diamond into something more "you." Have a gemstone set in the original setting that you can wear on your other hand, or while at work, or whatever (it's always nice to have different options). That way you don't make your FH feel like you hate the ring, but your bridal set also looks like what you want it to look like.
You can look at this as a starting point for working through issues together. I'd gently explain to him that you're having an issue finding a matching wedding band that you love and adding that to the fact that you think it's kind of weird that your friend will have the same ring, you think it might be a good idea to think about resetting the ring into something more "personal". If he doesn't go for it, ask him to try to work with you to come up with a compromise.
As an aside, I would not be happy if someone went with my FH and then bought the same damn ring. If it was a coincidence, fine. But that is not the case.
Honestly, I would get a wedding ring you like and think about upgrading later. Before we got engaged/when we first got engaged all I could think of was "the ring, the ring the ring". Now that we're married I look at it and think it's beautiul but it's more a symbol of what the ring represents that's truly important to me. Plus, now that we're married we're onto saving for a house.
@babymilka74: I totally get where you're coming from, but the fact that I don't like the ring has nothing to do with my love for him.
@JenniMichele: Good idea, didn't think of that!
I would also just focus on getting a wedding band you really like and just not wear the engagement band very often after you get married. I plan to only wear a wedding band, my sister does the same thing and many women I know do that too
Why not just get a wedding band you really love and not wear your engagement ring once you are married? Many married ladies do it that way.
I really liked JenniMichele's idea. That way you keep both parts of this ring, and hopefully you both can be happy.
@soon2bhis: I don't know if this is an option, but I figured I would pass this along. I always look on ebay at jewelry and I saw this setting a while back. It does not include the center stone, but it is made for princess cuts (which is what I think you have? am I right?). I thought it was goregous! And the price is not terrible either.
It says round on the top, but it is actually princess cut.
Wanted to add, you are not a terrible person! Please don't say that.
This thread really makes me sad.
Some wonderful guy out there bought that ring out of love.
Many wonderful people never find love and forever feel lonely.
If one of you were to suddenly fall sick, or be killed in a war, would the style of your ring be so important then?
Is it really worth the risk of hurting someone? You say you don't want to hurt his feelings but I think it's likely you will insult him.
I don't thnk you are bad people, but I certainly think you need a reality check on life and love.
If I was the one who had made the ring purchase, I would rather the recipient of the ring actually enjoy wearing it. If that means spending some extra money on resetting it, so be it. I'm assuming the diamond costs more than the band, so I think it would be better to wear the diamond he gave you with another setting than to just wear a wedding band and keep the engagement ring in a drawer somewhere.
I don't really know what to suggest if you really want to get it reset but, I don't know that I would change my ring even if I hated it. My FI took the time to pick out something he thought I would like and that is the ring he proposed with, it's irreplaceable in my mind. I would never trade in my ring or upgrade even if it was the same stone. What the ring represents is far more important than what it looks like and you will never be able to replace the meaning behind the ring.
So I've replied to all of your posts. You really hate your ring because that seems to be all you post about. I think you are looking for 100 folks to post this under your thread:
"You should just tell him you hate it. He'll love you more for it"
The whole group isn't going to do that. Most believe you should love and be happy to have it. So make the decision and be done with it.
I think you should tell him (in the nicest way possible) that it is not your taste and you're having difficulty finding a matching band. I know that when I give my FI a gift I want him to LOVE it and I've never given him something he is going to wear everyday for the rest of his life.
I don't know how you can't find anything tha you can wear with it? No, you can't put a wrap on it, but it has even sides, just about any wedding band would go beautifully with that.
What do you have and what do you want? If you want to change it, mention it to your FI. Tell him you love the ring but it's not your style. You can have something added to your ring to change it so you like it more. Of course you could always not wear it when you get married, but I know that it would personally bother my husband, to have a nice piece of jewelry sitting in the drawer, not getting worn.
I i bought my SO something he hated, I'd prefer if he just tell me he doesn't like the gift so i can fix it. I'd be heartbroken if i found out he just wore it and secretly didn't like it! But that's me...hell i get annoyed when he eats dinner and I find out a week later "ugh i didn't like it". What, why didn't you tell me?!?!Everybody acts like men have these delicate feelings and I frankly don't get it--honesty's the best policy.
I feel for you! I actually had my e-ring reset two months after we were engaged. I broke the news gently, explaining that the setting wasn't doing the diamond justice. Honestly, it made all the difference. Now I LOVE my ring.
@jamiemichelle: Not really. Some people place WAY too much importance on the ring and what it looks like. It's just a hunk of metal with a stone in it. The love behind it is what's important--not the appearance.
That being said, OP, I second ejs4y8's suggestion--just have an honest talk with him about it.
@soon2bhis:I would proceed with caution. I would tell him how I have been looking at bands and I can't find anything that matches and I'm so upset (pout, pout ,pout, sad face, puppy eyes) Do you think it's okay babe if I get a different setting? I don't know what I'm going to do (puppy eyes again) This is the last resort but it always works for me. Please use the puppy eyes with caution;0) My SO finds it irresistable.
I think having an honest talk with him is the way to go. I would want my husband telling me if he didn't like a gift that I had gotten him rather than him wear it and hate it the whole time, or worse yet, get something better and put what I got him away so he didn't have to worry about not liking it. I'd rather be able to return what I got him and get him what he wanted.
I second ejs and Mrs. Grape. Tell him, but be gentle about it. You don't want to just get a nice wedding band and never wear your e-ring again, right?
My ring is almost exactly like yours, and my wedding band is a white gold band with pave diamonds on the front. It looks great. That being said, tread carefully on this one. If your husband went through anything similar to what mine did and put in huge amounts of time trying to find something you'd like and he could afford, that can be a sensitive topic. Best of luck!
@Pia2010: This honestly bothers me, that you question my love for FI because I say I don't love my ring. Eh...I'm sorry? I'll try harder?
Yes, the ring is a material possession and has nothing to do with my love for FI. However, it IS something that I wear everyday, for the rest of my life, and something that I want to love.
@Soladylike: Your post made me laugh ;)
@soon2bhis: The ring is a material possession that represents HIS love for YOU, not yours for him. He worked hard picking that one ring out for you, with you in mind, that's all that should matter. You should love that ring because of the thought he put into it, not want to replace it because your friend has a bigger diamond or you feel its not flashy enough.
Um, just because someone picked something out of love for me doesn't mean that I have to like it. Trust me, my mother has picked some HIDEOUS dresses for me and I really had to break it to her gently "No mum, no more" Was she sad, yep. But now she knows to buy me stuff with the gift reciept attached. I am a shoes addict and my FI knows that. He's bought me stuff he thought I'd like but he is open to the idea that it could be changed. I'd hate to buy something for someone and know that the person didn't really like it. My feelings wouldn't be hurt if the person wanted to change it. But then, as you've noticed, this is just my personal opinion here.
To the OP, you are not a terrible person. I haven't seen your other ring posts but if you really are not enamored with your ring, I don't think there is anything wrong with telling your FI. Just be gentle about it.
@Belle2Be: I've seen some of your other posts on other threads and you sometimes come across as harsh. Did you see her say she wanted a bigger diamond? What are you reading?? She said she wanted a different setting and she is keeping the original diamond. Harsh much???
@bRooklynRocks: I think there is a difference between clothes or shoes and and engagement ring. But thats just me. I didn't love my ring either, but as soon as I stopped focusing on the look of it and when FI told me how much time and thought he put into picking it out, it didn't matter anymore that it wasn't what I had wanted or expected.
@Belle2Be: (I don't want a bigger diamond, never said that, I am wanting to reset the original diamond)
I understand what you're saying, I really really do.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 24 |
| fishbone | 21 |
| ndreighton | 18 |
| MsPanda | 14 |
| ladyartichoke | 14 |
| aduarte3201 | 14 |
| mypinkshoes | 12 |
 rdownie1 |
12 |
| pengoala | 11 |
| sylvia.riggle |
11 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| sylvia.riggle |
5 |
| peachacid | 4 |
| smcs28 | 3 |
| Zouave | 3 |
| HollyCJ | 3 |
| blueskies7 | 3 |
| armychica06 | 2 |
| imageeksowhat | 2 |
| BellaDee | 2 |
| tenacity | 2 |
