Post # 1
FI proposed 3 months ago, with a ring I automatically did not LOVE, but I did not say anything because I didn’t want to hurt him, and hoped I could actually like it. I don’t. I asked FI offhandedly what he thought about other people upgrading or resetting and he was very against it!
So I’ve considered wraps, but even a wrap won’t give me the look I’m really going for. Also…when FI bought my ring, his friend bought the SAME ring, only with a bigger diamond. (He has not proposed yet, but we all know it’s coming) So now someone we are both very close to, has the same ring, only better.
The e-ring is also very difficult to find a wedding ring to (matching ring was BAD BAD BAD!).
So…how shall I tell FI? I have NO problem with paying everything to have it reset (I want to keep the original diamond), I just want to hurt his feelings as little as possible.
Post # 3
Bigger doesn’t really mean better. I would be honest… it’s something you have to wear everyday of your life! Be delicate though, I’m sure it will hurt his feelings at least a little bit.
Post # 4
Show us the ring and maybe another bee can suggest ways to enhance it. What do hate about it? Is it the metal, the cut of the stone? or the size?
Post # 5
I do not want a bigger diamond. I honestly just hate the setting of it. I’ve posted pics before and no one had suggestions…
Post # 6
i really dont like my ring but my hubs LOVES it. rather than hurt his feelings, i plan to change it for our 5 yr anniversary…i havent figured out how yet though…
Post # 7
You didn’t have a “Keep the ring my FI picked out with me in mind” option, so I voted Other.
Post # 8
Hm. Not the same, but here’s my experience. As my wedding gift, DH bought me a ring from the Frank Gehry collection at Tiffany. It’s a nice ring, but it looked ridiculous on me. I felt terrible telling him it didn’t suit me, but he was very sweet and said he wanted me to have what I would love wearing and that it should be something I wear often. We went back to Tiffany and exchanged it for a beautiful necklace and pair of earrings. I would very very gently let him know you’re having a hard time finding a matching wedding band and that it’s really important to you to have a really great set, and it would likely be easier if you had the diamond reset in another band if he was okay with that. I would leave the friend out of it for the time being.
Post # 9
I checked your previous post and I saw the ring he got you.. are you looking to just get a new ring altogether? and would you have to take it off for work? because from the other thread it sounds like he picked that setting just so you would be able to wear it at work with it getting in your way.
Post # 10
You can just find a wedding band you like and tuck your engagement ring away in your jewelry box. A lot of women dont wear their engagement ring because it is not practical to have thousands of dollars on your hand while you work out, clean house, do dishes, take a shower ect.
Post # 11
@bells: Which is one of the reasons I feel bad for being so “ungrateful” (which I’m not, I just want something I love!). Yes, I would have to have the new one made so I could still wear it to work, so I would have to talk to a jeweler about how to work that out.
Post # 12
Mmmm I would use the excuse of your friend having the same ring … but now that im thinking of it… he might just say “Well good thing you got it first”….Hmm….gosh I cant imagine beng in such a pickle!
I would just be delicate as PPs said! You have to start by being honest, you dont want this stuff coming up in an argument one day! EEK!
Best of luck!
Post # 13
I’m sorry to be bitchy but you don’t have to love the ring, you have to love the guy. You don’t love the ring for what it is or looks like but for what it represents.
Post # 14
I disagree with the “you don’t have to love the ring.” Well, not completely, because you don’t have to love the ring, but it would be nice.
So, here is an expensive idea. Reset your original diamond into something more “you.” Have a gemstone set in the original setting that you can wear on your other hand, or while at work, or whatever (it’s always nice to have different options). That way you don’t make your FH feel like you hate the ring, but your bridal set also looks like what you want it to look like.
You can look at this as a starting point for working through issues together. I’d gently explain to him that you’re having an issue finding a matching wedding band that you love and adding that to the fact that you think it’s kind of weird that your friend will have the same ring, you think it might be a good idea to think about resetting the ring into something more “personal”. If he doesn’t go for it, ask him to try to work with you to come up with a compromise.
As an aside, I would not be happy if someone went with my FH and then bought the same damn ring. If it was a coincidence, fine. But that is not the case.
Post # 15
Honestly, I would get a wedding ring you like and think about upgrading later. Before we got engaged/when we first got engaged all I could think of was “the ring, the ring the ring”. Now that we’re married I look at it and think it’s beautiul but it’s more a symbol of what the ring represents that’s truly important to me. Plus, now that we’re married we’re onto saving for a house.
Post # 16
@babymilka74: I totally get where you’re coming from, but the fact that I don’t like the ring has nothing to do with my love for him.
@JenniMichele: Good idea, didn’t think of that!