(Closed) Before you complain about RSVPs, ask yourself if you did something like this…

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
490 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Nope, just had a simple card with spots to fill out whether or not they were coming, the name of invitee, name of plus one (or two, in one case), any allergies or dietary concerns and a SASE to send it all back to me.  I’ve gotten verbal yeses from a few people (my grandma said everyone from my side is coming, and my FMIL said all of her family is coming, and FH says his work buddies are coming).  Great, awesome, just fill out the little card if you haven’t lost it (my aunt did) and send it back so I can get a solid head count.

Post # 4
3199 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Taeyers:  this is why i avoided online RSVP’s. they would blow my family’s minds,  there is no way we’d get them all back.

as it were, our deadline is saturday and we still have 90 out of 190 to track down, but it would have been way worse if we did online RSVP’s! just not a good idea in my opinion.

Post # 5
8388 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Taeyers:  I did online RSVP and had no issues at all.  Maybe it’s the website she’s using?  Ours let our guests leave messages and email us if they had any questions/issues.  Perhaps you could just call or email your cousin and let her know what’s going on.

Post # 6
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Taeyers:  What a pain!  This is why I’m going to specify in very large text that we will also welcome phone RSVPs in addition to the online form.

Post # 7
2657 posts
Sugar bee

Yeesh.  That sucks.  If the website company has a customer service/feedback area, you may want to add these comments there.  Perhaps they can use your feedback to make it more clear to brides how to add households and organize RSVP’s.

I had a similar bad experience with online RSVP’s for an upcoming wedding.  In the paper invites, they gave us a unique RSVP code that we had to enter into the website.  When we pasted it in and entered our name, we then had to wait a week for the bride and groom to approve us.  Then, me and my FI had to register for accounts (even though we received 1 invite for the two of us).  And only then could we sign in and RSVP to the event.  The whole process took like 10 days.  How is this more convenient that checking a box on a card and mailing it back?  I like the idea of online RSVP’s, but there’s definitely room for improvement.  I’ll likely keep it simple with RSVP cards for my wedding.

Post # 8
2694 posts
Sugar bee

Wow, that’s…uh, okay, stupid of your cousin.

Post # 9
2912 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

This would totally annoy me too.

I’m doing an old school RSVP so people can mail them in but also adding a simple email address for the people who are slackers. I know there are a few in my group who won’t get it together to mail them in so they can just email us direct. 


Post # 10
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We asked people to RSVP online but were really careful about how we did it:

1. Names correct!

2. Each INVITE got a separate RSVP account (e.g. a couple got one for the two of them; a family fo 4 got one for all four of them).

3. We included an email address on the website in case of problems.

4. We included a postal address with the paper invitation in case people preferred to respond this way.

5. We included a telephone number with the paper invitation in case all else failed…!!

6. Online there was also space to request a vegetarian meal or other dietary requirements.

We invited 100 people – 90 responded online. Of the remainders, 3 responded by post, 2 by email, 2 by Facebook (Yell), 2 by phone and 1 by text (YellYell)

The only issue we had was someone RSVP with no dietary requirements, and then thge day before the wedding, they called to say, “oh I don’t eat fish or mushrooms”. Our response was: there’s no fish, and you’ll have to work around the mushrooms. They survived.


Post # 11
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

We  thought it would be smart to do online, e-mailed, OR by phone RSVPs.

You’d think we made it so easy, right?

Nope! 2/3 of our guests NEVER RSVP’d.

Post # 12
3664 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would message your cousin and let her know. She might not even realize that the RSVP system is set up like that.

Post # 15
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We are using online only, but only use people who live at the same address as “households”. We had one spelling error, but the rest seem fine. We are calling the older people to get their response verbally and then inputting it ourselves. Easy Peasy. 

It’s really not that hard to use, as long as you do it properly. Sucks that your cousin couldn’t figure it out. 

Post # 16
1644 posts
Bumble bee

Unless the wedding hosts are “of no known address”, guests ALWAYS have an alterntive to online R.s.v.p.s. The alternative is to hand-write a polite note accepting or declining, and send that note by mail. All the other options; be they hard-copy forms with prepaid envelopes like your electricity bill, online questionnaires, facebook, email, telephone and text-message; are compromises being made by desperate hostesses to accommodate people who feel that they will be damned if they have to go out of their way to buy a stamp and do what traditional good manners would expect.

If I objected to doing that, I wouldn’t think twice about going ahead with the Facebook private message alternative. It matters far more to get a polite reply to your hostess promptly, than to satisfy some particular concern about format and medium. And I would not feel particularly concerned about the hypothetical negative judgements of someone who cannot even get my name and family circumstances right.


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