(Closed) Begging of the end maybe?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
7653 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

My friend really wanted to have kids. She settled for a guy who wasn’t willing and about 2 years into their relationship she finally had enough because he just shut her out and wouldn’t even discuss it. If you feel so strongly to have kids then you need to find someone who wants to have them. Otherwise you need to accept that he doesn’t and if you are truly ok with that then stay, but it sounds like you aren’t.

Post # 4
Member
1545 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Some men have a hard time dealing with womens emotional states… because they just can’t understand it. I cannot have a GOOD conversation with my FI when i’m upset. It just doesn’t work. If I went up to him and told him I wanna get married and have kids and i’m jealous of X because she’s pregnant and i’m not – his response would be to shut down – i’m acting crazy – i’m an emotional wreck, etc. HOWEVER – IF after I calmed down I simply asked him IF he wants kids SOMEDAY, where he sees our future, etc. – that would be an ENTIRELY different story. The conversation could then progress into the “when” or if he says no you can calmly say that you really want to and its not something your willing to give up. My advice is calm down first – then talk to him withought it coming off like your just jumping on his back.

 

Post # 5
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@Kate0558:  My FI does the same exact thing. It came to a point where we decided that we WILL NOT talk about things while we are really upset. That goes down a very unhappy road full of hurt feelings and miscommunication.

I suggest what Kate said. Try to ask these types of questions when you are both calm. Men really don’t handle the emotional stuff well (at least my FI doesn’t – he just doesn’t’ know what to do).

As well as being calm, trying asking it in a way that doesn’t come off as accusatory. For instance, instead of saying, “Why don’t you want children with me?” try, “Do you see yourself wanting children in the future?” or “What needs to happen to make you feel more comfortable with having kids?” Sometimes they have a very logical reason for not being ready. FI’s sister was very upset with her DH because she wanted to TTC and he didn’t want to. They talked about it a few days later and he told her it was because of her student loans and he was trying to get a raise at work to make up for the huge drop in disposable income.

I guess my point is, he might have a very real reason (but one that can be overcome) to want to wait and you might not find that out until you feel more calm.

Hope it all works out!

Post # 7
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Rananteriel:  I think you should talk to him about it but maybe through a letter?  This way both of you have time to process what is being discussed without too many emotions involved.

Have you thought about how much longer you would wait for your SO to come around to the idea of having children?

 

Post # 9
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Rananteriel:  I hope you guys come to some solution that you both want.  My bff was in a similar situation as you are and it took some time for her husband to be on the same page.  They’re happily expecting their first child this summer.  Good luck!

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