- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013 - Canal St Inn
So this technically isn’t wedding related, so if it needs to be moved, do what you gotta do Mods.
The holidays are always really weird for me. My family’s really split up, and before I moved here, I was used to having Thanksgiving and Xmas dinner sometimes 2 or 3 times. Once it was 5. And after moving here, Xmas was something intimate, just for me and Fiance, with maybe some traveling to nearby friends to drop off presents. But Thanksgiving was something we shared.
The first year, we made a big bird and a ton of sides and brought them down to a bar he frequented, because he knew the owner made a few bartenders miss dinner with their families. After that, we started having dinner with our friends far from home too, or who just couldn’t handle their own families. I called it Misfit Thanksgiving.
Difference with this year is pretty much all of our friends have already made plans for Thanksgiving. Which didn’t get to me at all because FI’s parents, who I love dearly, told us they were coming to celebrate with us the day of. Then I found out a few days ago they are actually coming after Thanksgiving. I was a little annoyed they didn’t tell us earlier so we could plan it out better, but I was just so happy they were coming, it was short lived. And it gave us a chance to invite more people to enjoy all the food we were planning on making.
Then yesterday as I was happily chatting to Fiance about how I couldn’t wait to cook for his parents, he told me that they’re flying on the red eye Thanksgiving night to avoid hellish travel. That they will be arriving after eating my FBIL’s and his family’s dinner. And they wouldn’t want Thanksgiving two nights in a row. His parents words, as Fiance tells it.
Putting together a meal menu and executing it, for whatever reason, makes me really happy. I’ve been planning this dinner for over a month, and to hear that, I was just heartbroken. That kind of makes me really embarassed, I mean who gets depressed they don’t have to cook 8 courses? Me, apparently. But I also feel really homesick and misplaced. I thought about just having dinner for me and Fiance, but that would just make it even more obvious that no one else was there, which I don’t think would help. I just know that dinner or no dinner, I am going to be a wreck because this gripping homesickness is just tearing at me. And I think his parents canceling was just the catalyst. I’m not mad at them, I get the reasoning, but the emotions themselves just suck. So. Much.
I know I’m supposed to be thankful for what I have, and I am. I have a wonderful person I get to spend my life with, a roof over my head, food, an education, and the love of two wonderful dogs, and the indifferent tolerence of an awesome cat, as well as a lot of great people. But no matter how much I keep trying to remind myself of all of those things, I just can’t shake this. I know it’ll pass, but I’m just so drained already, and anything even relating to Thanksgiving keeps making me want to bawl. Haven’t yet, but just feeling this way makes me feel stupid, which really doesn’t help anything.
Someone tell me I’m not insane.