Weddingbee boards

FI and I are fairly simple people. At the moment we don't have much of a social life, as we don't particularly care for most of the people we've encountered in our area, just recently both became unemployed, and have decided we're miserable enough here that we're going to move back east (closer to his family) before this new year is out.

A little background on my family... eh, I could probably go on Jerry Springer if I told him a few stories. There wouldn't be much punching, but there would be a hell of a lot of very strange drama, and several, "Why the hell would you DO that?!" type conversations. The only relative I currently keep in touch with is my mom, and she and I are both careful of the fact that we're so much alike, we can't stay in the same house for more than a week without driving each other nuts.

FI had a fairly normal family life. Keeps in touch with just about everyone, relatively regularly. Not much drama there... except for that cousin of his that just went completely psycho, but doesn't everybody have one of those cousins? Anyway...

We've been together for a long time. Many years. When we finally got engaged, nobody really made a big deal about it. Not that they have to, but you know, you kind of expect a card or two, an "OMG CONGRATS!!" hug or something. I got a text from a now-former friend (completely different story there) that simply said, "PIC OF THE RING" and that was it. A few of my very close friends occasionally ask about dates and such, but other than that, nothing. Pardon my language, but it seems that nobody really gives a rat's ass that we're engaged.

I've gathered a few wedding accessories over our extended engagement (mostly due to financial and location issues that we haven't actually married yet). I've started making my own dress with my seamstress instructor. We've decided that we'll nail down a date the day after as we nail down the when/where of our move. I've come to terms with the fact that as much as FI wants to give me the rings I desire, it's not happening anytime soon. I haggled with and made my personal decision about name-changing. But I'm just starting to really, really get that last bit... that nobody seems to care.

I'd like to have a real wedding. Even something just small. Close friends I've kept in touch with through the years, my mom, and whatever family FI wants to invite. Simple little celebration. His cousin even offered to donate her professional wedding photography services as a gift (provided we give her a date in time). Other than that, nobody's offered anything. Again, not that they have to, but with all the stories here and elsewhere, I would have kind of expected a tiny little offering of help, even if it's for something we don't like or need.

Should I just finish my dress, wait for a really nice spring or summer weekend, and then we'll just do a courthouse or a Vegas wedding?

I honestly don't think anybody other than my mom would be miffed at missing it (though I missed all of hers because she didn't tell me until months later). One of my best friends that I would want there is very religous and doesn't go out at all on weekends (obvious ease-of-scheduling problem). Unless we set a date in the next month or so, we probably can't get FI's cousin as photographer anyway. 2011 was pretty hard on us, and we honestly have no idea where 2012 is going to lead (just hopefully somewhere back east). I don't know how much planning we can do with no budget anyway. Unless we actually have people show up, I think the only thing I'm personally lacking that I want is a little silk bouquet, and a new pair of dress shoes for FI that he doesn't complain hurt his feet.

Sorry for the rant. Just wondering if this is all really worth it at this point, if none of our nearest and dearest even seem to care. Thinking maybe we should just do it, be happily married, and not bother worrying about it any more.

The thing is, we're always just "waiting until things get better." We've been engaged since February 2010. Things were close to "better" about mid-last year. Just pay off this last bill or two, just wait until this one other event happens... and then bam, we're both unemployed. We're going to just be engaged forever if we don't just go ahead and do it. As much as I'd love a wedding with plenty of people, I know as well as many others here that all you really need are a few key pieces of paper with the correct signatures on them to be officially married.

The only other thing going through my head is the complete and utter failure of every party I've ever tried to plan past the age of 10. Why should I even bother worrying about it?

I know how you feel. FH and I live in NC and all my family and friends are up in NJ. We love it down here tho and we settled in and bought a house earlier this month. But my family has been distant from me since the day i told them I was moving out of their house 2 years ago. They had a few months warning but the day after I graduated college I moved out. My mom never even seemed to care that I was leaving... no helping me move or pack or anything. I had asked her why and she was just like "well ya know your not married" Okayyy so i guess I was living in sin. My now fiance and I lived in an apartment until deciding to buy a house and he proposed the day we closed on our house. My mom said "congrats" but thats it.

Meanwhile my 33 year old sister is getting married this year and her entire relationship with this guy has been HUGE big tada for my entire family. OMG they are PERFECT together... blah blah blah. ALL this BEFORE they were even engaged. Wedding planning they were SO involved and all that. She was planning before he even engaged! Then ofcourse once he did it was off the rocker.... ALL of them were super involved in every little aspect. ME they don't give a rats a** about. I guess it was sort of expected but I also don't think they totally approve of what i'm doing with my life and who i chose to spend it with.

I've been talking about "when i get married" for a while because ofcourse I knew I was gonna marry him, it was just a matter of when he decided to ask me. I said i didn't want some huge over the top fancy shmancy wedding that cost me 20k dollars. That was absolutely insane to me. So I guess they took that as I'm getting married in my backyard. Now i've told them no but they just sort of brush that aside. They don't care at all about my wedding. Her ONLY request was that I invite her. I told her I want a real wedding just on a budget of only like 5k and tried to tell her about what i'm planning and IMMEDIATELY the conversation turns to my sisters wedding.

Why do i bother planning the "real" wedding I want if no one gives a rats a**. I'm the only one who cares. FH doesn't care what we do just so long as it doesn't cost a lot. I'm completely and totally on my own.

I'm just trying to plan what i want.... as low key as that might be. Get my FH involved as he'll let me. And try to make it as much like us as possible. Some outdoor ceremony with our main family and some close friends and thats it. I'm trying to not compare myself to anyone else and make this just about marrying the man i love. Just make it beautiful. I don't have many friends... one good friend that is my moh but she's in NJ too. We picked a goal date. And are just planning on that...

So i'd say just pick a date and make it happen... whether you live here or there... just do it whereever and whenever you guys want. Its about you and your FH, not them.

Bit of an update...

FI's unemployment has run out, and mine never amounted to pay for anything other than groceries. The house is the only thing tying us to Colorado, so we're packing up and leaving. We can't afford the house now, anyway.

FI is seeing more job opportunities back east than around here, so hopefully that will be true once we do move. Our first shipping container arrives on Monday, and then it all starts to get real.

Our Christmas gifts to each other mainly consisted of favorite, hard-to-obtain candy, and the promise that once we get settled on the other side of the move, we're going to set a wedding date, and just do it. If people wanna help, great, if not, we get to do whatever we can afford. If people show up, great, if not, it'll all be cheaper.

I guess I'm just burnt out on the idea of wedding planning, since there's no excitement from anyone else about it. I'll just turn my energies to being excited about being married instead.

As far as "help," I guess I mean just about anything. No one has so much as offered to go out for coffee with me to even talk about anything wedding. I'm not asking for anyone to really do much of anything, I'm just a bit shocked at the complete lack of enthusiasm.

The one and only offer I did get was from my most mentally unstable friend that she absolutely MUST hold my bouquet for me as she was going to be my MOH, and that I was not going to be given a choice in the matter. It took me nearly 2 months to actually determine that she was joking because, well... unstable.

I just like the idea of having someone I know to squee with occasionally over wedding stuff, ya know? I don't think that's too much to ask. It's not like I started talking about it all the time. It's very hard to let that go, but I'm trying.