Post # 1
My MIL just joined facebook, and she seems to be having a heck of a good time on it! She posted this link the other day, titled: 20 Things a Mother Should Tell Her Son. Here’s a link to the original, if you haven’t seen it before: http://www.werdyab.com/2012/04/20-things-mother-should-tell-her-son.html
All in all, it’s cute. Some are humorous, some are frank, and some are very wise.
and then I read #19…
19. Please choose your spouse wisely. My daughter-in-law will be the gatekeeper for me spending time with you and my grandchildren.
Urrrrrrgh. Considering my MIL is very condescending to me, LOVES to make me feel dumb in any/every situation possible, is not a very compassionate person, and just LOVES to whisper to people like she is in grade school, (and let’s add ‘passive aggressive’ to the list)…it is taking eeeeeeverything I have not to post something to her, signed the little gatekeeper 😛 Dearest bees, don’t let me do this, lol!
Aside from this, she typically calls DH twice a day and sends him emails all day, while he is at work! I’m always cordial and do everything I can to have a good time with her when we visit, but she is never receptive! We visit a couple of times a month (and we live 45 minutes away!) Do I tell DH about this cute little post? I hate that it’s eating at me so badly. I’m sitting here at my desk with ‘choose your spouse wisely…wisely…wiiiisely…GATEKEEPER’ whirling in my brain. It’s as though she plans on doing little things over the course of forever that will slowly (but surely) drive me insane!
Post # 3
O she sounds tough to deal with, but I’d just let this one go. It’s not like she wrote the actual list…and most likely she didn’t mean anything specific by having #19 on there. And even if she DID find that one meaningful, it doesn’t necessarily mean that she thinks her son hasn’t chosen wisely.
Save your battles, although I’m sure I’d be wondering the same thing inside, especially because of the other examples you gave.
Post # 4
I don’t think she posted this to fend you, I’ve seen lots of people post this on FB a bunch of times.
I actually think it’s very wise advise for a mother to tell her son. Same with a lot of the other eleices of advice on there.
I have to admit tho, I would be tempted to comment on the post with something like “great advice, I will keep this for the future – signed, The Gatekeeper. Lol
Post # 5
He who would cross the Bridge of Death
Must answer me These questions three
Ere the other side he see.
But seriously, I wouldn’t say anything. Unless she specifically called out #19 I highly doubt the post was directed at you. It sounds like your general dislike for your MIL is causing you to read too much into things.
Post # 6
@gardenroses: My FMIL is this way, and I am HAPPY i’m the gatekeeper because she is missing about 17 screws, seriously. And the worst thing is she doesnt think she is at fault for anything that happens and for the way the relationship with her sons has deteriorated. I’m pretty sure she believes it is all my fault that her eldest son didnt speak to her for over a year. Even though she is super sweet with me, she is totally passive aggressive, manipulative and has no sense of time and place or generalized etiquette and not somebody I admire or respect other than the fact that she somehow produced my amazing FI who takes nothing after her. there is no way except over my dead body that that woman will have any prolonged time with my future children. (aka anything over a weekend every once in a blue moon) Just no. And if she realized this on her own I would be ecstatic, because I know that conversation is going to come and it probably wont be pretty. Yaaayyyy for the gate keeper (scoooree)
But honestly, if she wants to be passive aggressive let her be, it will drive her insane. Adn if you do answer it might just lead to many many problems.
Post # 7
Well actually if she changes and apologizes and admits to some of the terrible things she’s done then yes I would, because I believe in second chances, but if I was to give birth tomorrow, yeah no.
Post # 8
@gardenroses: I’ve seen this one on Facebook, too. My fiance’s aunt, who has two boys, posted it. For the most part, I think it is fairly wise advice that I wish more mothers would pass on to their sons. And too a point, #19 rings true for us. His mother, and father, has been more than a little difficult to deal with through the wedding planning process. You see, my fiance was this wonderful, sweet, agreeable boy until his bossy, controlling, disrespectful fiancee turned him, and, of course, they never did anything to deserve the way we have treated them. It has resulted in us seeing them maybe once a month (and we live 1/2 an hour away in the same city). I refuse to put up with their behaviour and am happy to act as the gatekeeper if it means I don’t have to deal with them more than that. I don’t think #19 was on there just for you, and even if it were, maybe being the gatekeeper to a relationship like that isn’t such a bad thing. Don’t sweat it!
Post # 9
@gardenroses: I think its entirely possible you are taking one item out of a reposted article and taking it waaay personally when it wasn’t ever intended to be. The article also said to treat your spouse kindly so there’s that too!
Beyond that – I think the advise is actually not bad and not even neccessarily a put down of women. Women do tend to be the “gatekeepers” when it comes to socializing with extended families and a LOT of women really don’t like to have a lot of involvement with their in-laws.
Post # 10
@gardenroses: Wow, your FMIL sounds like mine lol. If she ever posted something like that on facebook, I’d have a hard time not posting this.
Post # 11
@kate02121: Thanks for your advice! Yes, I will really need to choose my battles wisely, in order to keep my sanity 🙂 hehe
@FortiesFlare: BAHAHA! Signed, the Gatekeeper, oh I love you so!
@RunsWithBears: I’m in the floor doubled over!! aaaahahaha “He who would cross the Sea of Fate Must answer me these questions twenty-eight!”
@minipenguin: Oh dear, I am so sorry you are dealing with such a troublesome MIL 🙁 It seems like the passive-aggressive ones are always so much worse, huh? I do love your logic that she produced an amazing son, absolutely LOVE it! Thinking of you, and keep beng awesome!
@Rheagan: Ooooh, disrespectful people make my blood boil! I see this side of it, too 🙂 Thank you for the perspective!
Post # 12
@Zhabeego: True, very true! I do need to focus on the positives that were also posted 🙂 Thank you dear!
@housebee: HAHAA!!!!! I nearly projectile spewed water out of my mouth, lolol!! Cheers to us, for being brave souls *clinking of fancy champagne flutes*
Post # 13
@gardenroses: Oh, it would be so hard not to slip that into some conversation…”Let me get the door for you…I take my job as Gatekeeper so seriously…”
Post # 15
A lot of them would be beneficial TO you… so maybe dwell on ones like these…
2. You will set the tone for the sexual relationship, so don’t take something away from her that you can’t give back.
3. Use careful aim when you pee. Somebody’s got to clean that up, you know.
Post # 16
@KoiKove: HAHAHA!!! That is straight-up awesome!