(Closed) Being a woman is hard sometimes. Start a family? Career? Stressful.

posted 5 years ago in Career
  • poll: Should I try to start a family now or pursue my career goals?
    Family now, career later : (16 votes)
    59 %
    Career now, family later : (11 votes)
    41 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4525 posts
    Honey bee

    Which is more important to you – a large family or a career? Which one could you be happy with your life without? Could you postpone your career in favor of having children now? Could you postpone having children in favor of your career? 

    Take some time and sit and think. Talk to your FI. Talk to a counselor or lifecoach. You can figure this out! 

    Post # 4
    Member
    9147 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    Move forward with the midwifery program and don’t TTC but stop preventing pregnancy.  If it happens, it happens and you will figure it out.  If it doesn’t when you are truly ready you are set up to go for IUI or IVF or whatever is out there.  If I was in your shoes I wouldn’t put off TTC simply because if you already have complications adding another 5-10 years isn’t going to make TTC any easier.  If it makes you feel better we had a lot of pregnant ladies in law school and as far as I know they all made it work because I can’t think of a single one that didn’t return and graduate (even if they took a semester or two off and then came back to finish their degree.)  We also had a decent amount of older moms and single moms and to be honest most of them got better grades than the rest of us; I guess they had better time management skills.

    I am sorry and yes it is more difficult to make choices about a career and/or family being a woman because while a family doesn’t necessarily preclude a career, it does make going to school a lot more difficult.  Sit down with your FH and discuss this situation with him; he may have fresh insight or ideas that would help you make your decision.

    Post # 5
    Member
    246 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I say fam now, career later. Reason being IF you do not have a kid now your chances decrease. If you REALLY want a family I think now is the time..the plus is that you CAN ALWAYS go back and do your career later. Just my input though.

    Post # 6
    Member
    9147 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    You might be surprised with how easily a small child can move and make new friends and settle into a new place.  That said, you would need your FI completely on board because his assistance in raising that child would be absolutely necessary to your success in school and the internships.

    Post # 8
    Member
    4352 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Personally, I would start a family now or in the next 2-3 years if you want a large family (I’m thinking 3+ kids = large). If you have the kids 2 years apart, it will take 6 years to have 3 kids before the age of 35 (which is the artbitrary cutoff for when your fertility starts to decline more rapidly). So if all the stars aligned you could start at 29. Which would mean starting right after you finish the midwife program and possibly not getting to use the degree fully until your kids are in school (40+). Given the potential for fertility issues, I think it would be wise to start earlier so that if it takes a long time to conceive each child you can still have the large family you want.

    Is there a part time version of the program which takes longer than 4 years? Many women take college or masters level courses while pregnant or with young children. My mom got her masters degree while pregnant with one of us (I have 3 siblings) and didn’t start using it until after my youngest sibling was in kindergarten. She made really strong connections with her classmates, to the point where one of them called her every couple of years to find out if she was ready to start working. Part of the reason he continued doing this is because they did so much of their coursework together and part of it is because her grades were phenomenal. This was also many years ago, when I was still growing up.

    Personally I feel like you can start your career anytime, but you have a limited window for children. Advances are made everyday to extend that window, but it is easier to put off a career than a family.

    Post # 9
    Member
    586 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I’m sorry you have to stress about this, it sounds like a really hard decision.

    You could finish your schooling to have the career that is sounds like you really want and then try to have kids later and if you are unable to you could adopt. I really hope the next specialist can figure it out so you can get to career you want as well as children when you are ready.

    Post # 10
    Member
    59 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Hey there.  You sure sound like a nervous wreck, but it appears to come from the goodness in your heart.  I voted family now, career later, but it is a very complciated decision.  I don’t know much about your case, but I’d be worried about waiting if it would somehow affect the child… I come from a background of Child Development, it is my major, and often times I’m frequently thinking in terms of “for the benefit of the child.” So by throwing that out there, I can openly say whatever decision you make will be the best for you.  If you have your child now, regardless of all the moving and the working, etc etc, as long as you love your child endlessly, and allow all it’s needs and desire to met, none of that working and moving crap will matter.  It will be an act of balance, sure, and it will be hard, but if the option to have a child looks less like an option as the years go by, I would be concerned about putting it off.. and then the ‘option,’ by years, somehow is no longer an option, or it’s a seriously bad idea.

    I would definitely think about it in depth, on every level, and try to think forward in time.  Imagine what it would be like, would it be so bad now? Would it be worse, then? Would it be worse now? Would it better then?

    I wouldn’t worry about you large family ideal, not everyone gets their ideal, and sometimes people think their ideal is what’s best for them, when often times there’s a larger picture they’re forgetting.  I would focus on the having a child, not having a child.

    You don’t have to decide now. You can think about it.  You can seek out advice from friend’s, or family, or other specialist and doctors about if they think having a child will be better now then later. Do your research.

    And of course, just know that everything happens for a reason and that as long as that you are aware of your options, and all the conflicting and intersecting paths that go with it.. I’m sure you can come to a decision that you think is right. 🙂

    Any decision you make will be the right one for the right now, and then you build off of that and make it into the best you can.

    Take a breather.. 🙂

    And good luck.

    Post # 11
    Member
    9147 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @misshydra:  Then it sounds like having a child is priority since you have already taken steps towards getting pregnant over the last year including the wait and see method as well as having fertility testing done.  I think it’s clear you want a child sooner rather than later and your only worry is that they won’t let you into the program if you are pregnant.  Apply anyway.  Pretty sure “are you pregnant?” is not listed on an application.  Besides, what are the chances you will be pregnant when you go for your interview?  I am sure you aren’t the first and certainly wouldn’t be the last pregnant woman to go through the program.

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