- 3 years ago
- Wedding: April 2012
DH and I are introverts and pretty happy about it. We go out about once, maybe twice a week on the weekends to have lunch with some friends or something of the sort, but that’s about as far as our social butterfly wings stretch.
I have a friend, Laura, who is also married with children. We have been keeping in touch for years now but not really seeing each other much. Well the other day I called Laura about something and we talked for a bit.
She ended up wanting to go out for lunch the next day, and that was fine, but ever since my phone has been blowing up and I’m being pressured to make plans I don’t have any desire or intentions to make. She would like to text me every day from sun up to sun down, and she wants to come over all throughout the week and weekend. She used to be very clingy and that has obviously not changed in the past several years.
So I set a boundary, and explained to her that DH and I are not interested in going out extremely often, that we very much enjoy our “home time,” and that it has nothing to do with her, but it’s hard to not feel like the bad guy when she just doesn’t understand where I’m coming from.
“Oh you just need to get out the house more.” No. I don’t. I want to be here, and I want to be here alone or with DH. Going out is fine, when I want it, but I don’t want it right now.
“Oh I will just come and spend the day with you to keep you company then.” NO. I don’t need company. I have a car, I am literally choosing to be here, alone. If I want company I will ask for it.
And then when she talks about how she just feels lonely it makes it really hard not to feel like the bad guy. The thing is that I’m NOT lonely though. I feel bad that she is lonely but I have no obligation to her to fix her loneliness.
I am not mad at her or anything, because I know it is normal to want to hang out with friends (even though hourly contact is kind of extreme if you ask me). But there is also nothing abnormal about being introverted. We just socialize differently.
It’s hard to explain being introverted to friends sometimes though. Especially when they are kind of insecure anyways and when you tell them you just don’t want to go out all the time they hear “I don’t like you and I don’t like hanging out with you.” No matter how clear you make yourself.
*sigh* Oh well. I hate to hurt her feelings but I have made myself clear. If she is going to imagine that I hate her and don’t want to talk to her just because I don’t want to text ALL DAY long and hang out every day then so be it.