Post # 1
My ILs smoke like a chimney….inside their house. It’s aweful. They live in an older home, with lots of smaller closed rooms, and the smoke is just really overwhelming. For years, we suck it up and deal with it…despite spending the entire visit feelings sick. From the second we walk in my eyes burn, my throat hurts, I get a headach, and sometimes feel sick to my stomach.
So here I am, after spending yet another Christmas with them, thinking about to next year when we’ll possibly be pregnant. It wouldn’t be as bad if they smoked outside, but they don’t, and it’s almost too much to take.
Anyone else deal with having to visit smoking relatives while either pregnant or with kids? How did you deal with your family? Did you make the decision to stop visiting them or staying there? We’ve already forwarned them that they are traveling to us next Christmas, but I forsee having to swap holidays and that means going to them at least some.
Post # 3
I would say they are welcome to visit you (and smoke outside…although even that isn’t great), but while pregnant or with small children, I would not be visiting a home like that. Even if they aren’t actively smoking, third-hand smoke is super dangerous, too.
I know it’s hard, and it can lead to super awkward situations (my brother has been working on quitting for the benefit of my son, but there were some awkward conversations in the beginning), but your child(ren)’s health is worth it.
Post # 4
I am very newly pregnant (only 7 weeks) and even though Ive never been a fan of being around smoke I have always been able to tolerate it. Now that I am preg, my body says Nope no way no how. We went to a bar to watch football and have breakfast on Sunday and we sat in the back with no smoke around us at all. But I had to keep getting up to use the restroom and had to pass thru the smokey bar. Bad idea. That was the 1 and only time I have gotten “sick” as far as morning sickness goes. So I absolutely can not will not tolerate smoking around me while preg and certainly not once baby comes!
Post # 5
My mom, who smoked outside when we were little, now smokes inside even when my nieces are there. When we do have children, I will invite her to my place & avoid going there with children. I don’t know how she’ll take the news.
Post # 6
@Jess1483: Ugh, it is hard. We’re a very joking/lighthearted family, and definitely give each other a hard time about stuff. DH is always nagging at them about smoking and says things like “you better quit or you won’t be getting visits from your grandkids”. She always just laughs it off….but I’m serious!! Even when not smoking, the house is hard to be in. 20+ years of smoking inside has just made it a permanantly disgusting.
Post # 7
That’s disgusting. I wouldn’t go inside that house right now! And probably not a good idea pregnant either.
Post # 8
@starfish0116: I wouldn’t go nit pregnant so I would definitely not go pregnant.
My mom told my grandma when she was pregnant with my older sis she wouldn’t be able to see her if she smoked. My Gma quit cold turkey that day. I don’t think it’s wrong to not expose your child to second and third hand smoke.
Post # 9
@starfish0116: I think an umcomfortable conversation needs to be had. Just reading that gave me a headach. I would 100% not be in that house when you are pregnant and especially with babies/kids. There is no better reason to quit than for grandbabies so maybe this will give them to push the have always needed.
Post # 10
Uggggh…. I used to smoke but even then I would feel sick smoking inside.
I talked to my doctor about this, because most of my friends smoke. You can’t actually be allergic to cigarette smoke, but it’s widely recognised that it causes allergy-like symptoms, as it contains a large number of irritants. I told my friends, and now they always go outside to smoke when I’m over. Asthmatic or pregnant people should NOT be around it. You can 100% get your doctor’s advice for this, and tell the parents. It gives them an ‘objective’ perspective.
The problem is that even if they smoke outside for the duration of your stay, there will still be trace amounts of the irriants in the air. Personally, I would not stay with them while pregnant.
My friend’s cousin’s daughter now has asthma because (according to the doctor) she spent a lot of time with family that smoked inside. I know this is anacdotal, but talk to your doctor, and follow their advice. It’s just not worth the risk.
Post # 11
@Pinkmoon: Same here. No way I would even “tolerate” it. They might take offense to it, but for the sake of my own health, I couldnt stay there (and this isnt taking a baby into consideration.)
Post # 13
We have the exact same problem with my husband’s grandmother’s house. It’s an old house and they’ve been smoking in it for 40 years. It makes me sick every time we visit. In the past we’ve spent half the time at a hotel and half the time at their house. It still wasn’t ideal but it helped.
This year I’m 13 weeks pregnant so we opted to stay at a hotel the entire time. It sucks to have the added cost but there’s no way I could put myself through that while pregnant.
Post # 14
I already would absolutely not tolerate it. I can’t stand even smelling it on someone’s clothes – and I have a nose like a bloodhound when it comes to smoke. I’m allergic to it and get “smog cough”, a sore throat, scratchy/puffy/red eyes, and if I don’t get away asap – then I get sick as well. I’m fortunate that my family and in-laws don’t smoke, but if they did, they would get extremely limited time with my baby. Sorry, that probably sounds harsh, but my first duty as a mom is to protect my baby whether born yet or not. Being around smoke with as well documented as problems with 2nd hand smoke causing major issues, is something I will absolutely go fully mamma bear in protecting my baby from. What they do on their own time is on them, but what they do that can affect my baby that I allow is on me.
My parents went through a similar situation when my brother and eventually I were born. My grandparents on my dad’s side smoked like a chimney. My mom put her foot down (and my dad supported her) and said absolutely NO smoking in our house or around it and we wouldn’t be visiting them. My grandparents ended up deciding that we were more important than smoking and quit.
Post # 15
Nope, wouldn’t do it. My FMIL smokes inside but somehow her house NEVER smells like smoke. I spent at least 4 weekends at her house when my SO lived there when we first started dating & I never would have known she smoked at all. She and any of my other relatives that smoke would be told that I wouldn’t be around them smoking while pregnant, wouldn’t be in their house if it smelled like smoke, and my kids wouldn’t be in there either.
I have one aunt whose house smells lightly of smoke, none of my other family members have it actually smell. I’d be on the fence with that aunt. Probably just tell her that it’d be highly likely for my child to have asthma like I do and if she could smoke outside for a few days before we came over…or just meet us somewhere instead of going over there.
Post # 16
I smoke cigs and FH smokes cigars. However, I will be damned if I am going to smoke outside of my own home.
Our compromise is to make the finished room downstairs the smokers lounge. It is a wonderful place with TV (for FH, I don’t watch TV), stereo, couch, loveseat, chair and a fireplace. Oh and two air cleaners. This way, the house does not smell bad, and non-smokers do not have to be subjected to our smoke. Oddly enough, most of the guests end up downstairs in the smokers lounge.
The bottom line is that it is their house and if you cant handle ti smoke, then don’t go there. However, in your home, you can set the rules for no smoking inside of your house. At this point in time, smoking is still legal and you cant force people to quit – but you CAN choose whether or not to be around them.