@thegrowingtree: Do I have such a story. This guy had so much going for him. He was the head of his department at 24, getting his master’s in electical engineering, and was an amazing human being. He cycled as a hobby, volunteered his time, was environmentally conscious, and so loving and giving. I loved being with him; he made me want to be a better person.
And then we broke up.
He moved to a state in the midwest, and we kept up with eachother. We became best friends after I had “gotten over” him, but the truth is, I never got over him. Never ever. But he had broken up with me, and I had to accept it.
Our conversations went over into sub-romantic again, and we started reviewing “what went wrong” in the relationship. It was that I was undecided in what direction I wanted to take my life in, and I had hit that rut right before I met him, so it was going in full throttle when we dated. He did not see a resolution to that problem in sight, and went about his business. The break up got me on track, and he wound up kicking himself for that. But, we were long distance, so each of us were dating other people.
Even still, our conversations were always personal, and we were always interested in what the other was doing. When I met my now husband, the ex and I were in the midst of an awkward “where do we stand” sort of period. As I continued dating my now Darling Husband, my mind went into a frenzy. What do I do? It’s not fair to this new guy I’m dating for me to have feelings for this ex. It’s also not fair to me to have regrets about anything I’ve done. I sensed that now Darling Husband wanted to make the relationship exclusive soon, so I had to decide.
I told the ex how I felt. I told him I loved him still, and had no expectations, other than wanting to get it off my chest. He thought about it, decided the distance was still a problem, and I said to myself, “ok. good. I know where I stand. I can fully let you go now, but be happy with myself that I sought out the answer. I can move past you, and really focus on this new guy, because he has amazing potential.”
And I am glad it turned out the way it did. The weeks turned in to months, months turned into years. And the years were AMAZING! My Darling Husband treats me so amazingly, and with no reservations. He loves me fully, and openly, in a way the ex never did, nor ever could. He is so giving, and supportive, and adorably funny. And he’s more my speed. The longer I was with him, the more I saw how WRONG the other guy was for me, and how RIGHT this guy was.
My husband gets me. We have the same hobbies, same interests, same hang ups, everything. THe other guy was a little too high strung, a little too logical (little patience for emotional reactions, and often stifled them), and terribly insecure, even though I did not see any of this in the heat of the moment. Being with someone who was RIGHT for me completely took the wool from over my eyes about my actual incompatibility with the ex. Don’t get me wrong, he’s still a great guy, but he’s great for someone else, and not me. Maybe you will have a similar experience when you find THE guy for you.
I hope my story helps.