Post # 1
I have a few questions but need to lay out a bit of background story for it.
Me and my ex-boyfriend, whom I was very serious with, keep in touch occasionally after we split a while ago. Keeping in touch entails of phone calls once in a while to catch up, sending each other silly pics on WhatsApp once in a while and mails here and there.
We are both in relationships again and have no love or sexual interest in each other. The ex had deleted me of his friendslist on Facebook when I started dating my current boyfriend and he was still single. That was over a year ago and he is in a relationship again as well for a while now.
I wanted to add him as a friend again on Facebook but he told me: “I’m not uncomfortable with it, but if I was in my girlfriends position I wouldn’t appreciate it… so I will respect her here and not accept your friend request.” He then went on to tell me that he wants to stop keeping in touch, even though he knows that I have only plutonic intentions… I am bit baffled….
Does that mean she told him not to be friends with me? Or does it mean he assumes that she would not be okay with it? I know that my boyfriend really does not mind me being friends with ex-boyfriends on Facebook or in general. In fact, I am friends with the most on Facebook even if we never contact each other.
My boyfriend is also friends with his ex-girlfriend on Facebook and I don’t mind. I never have, why would I?
I guess I am sad now that it means I cannot be in touch with my (ex-boy)friend who is in fact a friend to me…. Would one call that friendship break-up? Okay, jokes aside, I am upset that I just lost a friend. 🙁 What would you do? I actually don’t want to lose him as a friend…
Post # 3
i’m friends with an ex on fb. we split amicably, and we were in high school. it’s been a while, and i’ve always had him as a friend on fb. i don’t see the issue with it.
he’s obviously insecure about it. and that’s why he doesn’t want to have you on his fb friends list. maybe someone said something and he got upset?
Post # 4
I would just accept it and move on. She may not be saying anything, he may just care about not putting her in a position to be uncomfortable, which is very admirable and sweet of him.
Post # 5
It probably depends on the person specifically. Personally, I would not be comfortable if my FI kept in touch with his ex by phone calls once in a while to catch up, sending each other silly pics on WhatsApp once in a while and mails here and there.
Not that I’m the jealous type, or that I don’t trust my FI. But it just doesn’t sit well with me at all. I wouldn’t know what was going on in the mind of the ex.
It just doesn’t seem right to me especially since you said you were very serious with him.
Maybe she said something. I probably would have.
Post # 6
@colorofmyheart: Do you mean I said something or she said something? Mhmm… I cannot remember saying something off what could have upset him.
@tksjewelry: He is a great guy, so I guess it could be the latter. It is something he would consider…
Post # 7
I personally wouldn’t care but I can see how others might. She might not have even said anything to him and he is just looking out for her.
Post # 8
I had the same thing happen to me. His new lady friend was uncomfortable with me despite me dating someone else for a year. I was annoyed more than anything because we were great friends and I thought it was obnoxious. On the other hand I understood where she was coming from since he had asked me to leave my boyfriend at the time several times for him.
Sometimes people just need the closure.
Respect his wishes. As silly as they may be.
Edit: as for how I would feel about the situation, it toally depends on the intentions behind it. DH is friends with a few exs/people he used to date on facebook, and I don’t really care. However he was also friend with his crazy ex. She would message and call, I trust him 100%, but was not totally comfortable with it because I, and everyone else knew that she wanted him back despriatly (to the point where she called ME crying asking how he could do this to her). I knew he wanted nothing to do with her, but wished her no ill will either. She was actually the one to unfriend him…. the day after we got married *eye roll*
Post # 9
I think it is admirable that he is thinking of his girlfriend, put yourself in the flip side. If your SO added an ex-girlfriend you might be a bit curious as to why. Facebook isn’t reality anyway… if you still keep in contact with him through email now and then, that is better than a fb “fake” friendship. 🙂
Post # 10
@MrsGatito: I can see where you are coming from but I don’t see that as overly pushy or unsual… I know it isn’t for everyone but I know lots of people who have contact with their ex-partners even if they were serious. Even including my dad who is great friends with his ex-girlfriend which he dated for seven years before my mum. I wonder why you think it is just not right. 🙁
Post # 11
I am friends with all my exes on FB. But i have kept on good terms with them. My most serious ex even commented on a photo i posted “wow i cant believe you are really married! so happy for you!”
i thought it was nice of him. No threat. If she is the jealous type she might have an issue, but i see that as a sign of immaturity. I was even going to have a drink with that one ex and asked my DH if he would care. Nope. We have no trust issues.
Post # 12
@sunshinebee: I can totally see why the whole Facebook thing might make her feel awkward. However, he wrote me that he doesn’t want us to continue staying in touch be it mail or call. 🙁
Post # 13
It depends on the circumstances. Generally, I am of the mindset that a breakup means no contact.
If my ex had Facebook, fuck no. DH’s ex? Fuck no. Shitty relationships with shitty people, culminating in shitty breakups. There’s no reason to keep those people in your life.
However, I have no experience with an ex that isn’t bad. DH has friends who don’t understand why I think being friends with exes is gross/why it upsets me that they’re friends with his psycho ex, but these are people who’ve only ever had good/clean/amicable breakups and don’t understand what a bad breakup is.
Post # 14
@tksjewelry: +1. Agreed. OP, move on. Some relationships were not meant to last forever and your ex obviously feels that way.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest
I was friends with my ex for almost a year after we broke up on Facebook, and when I realized it was still affecting me moving on, I deleted him (he also had a girlfriend about a month after we broke up).
Then…. when I felt that I was in a stable place and really over him, I readded him. We were on friendly terms and kept in touch every once in awhile.
Then I met my SO, and my ex and I stopped talking completely, and I really don’t care to have him on Facebook anymore. I know it slightly bothers my SO (even though he doesn’t have FB himself). I just feel stupid to delete him again and it’s interesting to just to see where he’s at in his life. It’s all silly really… Facebook in general.
I get where your ex is coming from, to ‘re-add’ each other when he is dating someone new, just might be weird for the new girlfriend. I wouldn’t read into it too much.
Post # 16
@PoppyH: I will try but I am unsure how to reply to his message as I kind of want him to know that it is upsetting and that I find it sad. Still, that might come across as pushy and I definately don’t want to look like your husband’s crazy ex. 😉