- 5 years ago
Hi Bees! I am a new one here. I have been “waiting” for a few months now, since Christmas 2012 when the ring arrived. This board has given me so much to relate to. Some of you give fantastic advice! And even when I don’t agree with some of the things posted, they teach me the valuable lesson of having perspective.
My BF and I have been dating for almost 4.5 years and have lived together for almost as long. In our circle, most couples get engaged only after 3 – 5 years of dating, so while 4.5 ring-less years might seem long to someone, it is not an anomaly to us at all. Our respective parents also dated for over 5 years before getting engaged, so that also helps ease the waiting anxiety.
BF has given me excellent reasons to believe that the ring (currently hidden in his closet) will finally be revealed on my finger in the next month or so. Of course, to preserve the element of surprise, he won’t divulge any further detail.
Needless to say, even with the ring in his possession and a fairly immediate timeline, I have been on edge!
The Shut It Up pact simply doesn’t work for me, even though I have plenty of hobbies and other obligations to keep myself occupied! I bring it up all the time and I can’t shut my mouth about how excited and impatient I am.
Last night, I told BF that: (1) The daily mention of engagement must be irritating him to no end; (2) I realize that; (3) I am so sorry to annoy him about something that is entirely in his jurisdiction; (4) But I CAN’T HELP IT! (5) I JUST CAN’T!!!!
And his response was really sweet. He said that: (1) Yes, it is very annoying; (2) Because he is a guy; (3) But he knows I am a control freak and really neurotic; (4) He sees the huge amount of effort I put into not mentioning it every 5 minutes; (5) Ultimately, that’s all that counts — that I know it irritates him, but when I mention it, I’m not snarky or resentful or angry at all; (6) And it gives him even more faith in our relationship.
I am just so glad that I can be anxious, and he accepts it lovingly, and I accept that he will do it when he says he will.
I think that the waiting period is fertile grounds for argument. But if you can keep communication channels open and be honest, the waiting doesn’t have to be so bad, even if you can’t shut it up.