Being "in love"

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@Kacey23:  I think it depends. I think it’s very important not to confuse love with infatuation (not saying that is what YOU are doing at all) but some people do. Infatuation fades.

I’m not engaged yet but I’ve been with my SO for 8 years and I love him more and more the longer I’m with him and I know he feels the same way. It’s not that it doesn’t take effort, but the effort isn’t DIFFICULT because we WANT to do things for each other to show our love.

People change or grow and I understand that people fall out of love especially if with significant change.

The thing is, you both have to want it enough. He could want it more than anything and HIS love for you could be so strong, but if you aren’t on that level WITH him it won’t work.

Post # 4
Member
632 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Kacey23:  Its not that it fades it just changes.  Even just moving in with someone it changes.  I mean you learn to “love” little things like when he does the dishes without being asked.  And you also have to work at it.  I know for me and my husband – we make sure that we do a date night at least once a week.

Post # 5
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

I’ve been married nine years and I don’t believe love or infatuation fade.  We still have sex every day.  We can’t wait to see each other when we’ve only been apart a few hours.  Everything is effortless and natural.  Life long love is no myth.

 

Post # 6
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Kacey23:  It doesn’t go away, it changes.  I love my husband more and deeper than when we first started dating and we were jumping each other three times a day.  But it’s different.  I appreciate him more for who he is, and I’d do anything for him.  I know he’d do anything for me because we’ve been through stuff together and come out stronger. 

Post # 7
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think love changes, but not necessarily in a bad way. Change is good!

Post # 8
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

Love becomes a rational decision at some point. At first, there is passion, excitement about the beginnings, expectations about the future. When you settle down with someone, routine takes over (which is not necessarily a bad thing : FI and I both need routine in order to be happy) and love evolved toward something else. It becomes a deeper feeling, but is not as physical as it was in the beginning. It becomes a daily thing : taking care of each other, putting effort into the relationship, making sure you don’t carry unresolved issues, that you maintain a good communcation, that you are empathic to your SO’s feelings and available for him, etc. And all of this comes naturally. It is obvious. It’s the only thing you want to do. Every day, you are aware and choose to keep going with him. And every day, you act accordingly to what you’ve decided that morning. Everything you dream about in your future, includes your SO. It’s with him you want to do all this. And you feel he wants exactly the same. It’s also how good your SO makes you feel about yourself. When you feel like you could trust him for everything (only exception being the laundry, lol !), that in his eyes, you are the most beautiful, intelligent, funny, sweet and loving person he knows. It’s how you both support each other in time of need. Love doesn’t have to fade away, but you have to accept it will change and grow over time, that the butterflies might go away, but your committment to your SO will only grow stronger.

Post # 11
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t think that love or infatuation fades.

Post # 12
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

What people should be saying is “for me in my relationship”. Just because one happy relationship involves sex every day and effortless ease, doesn’t mean other relationships aren’t happy or solid. Also, the majority of people on this site are about to get married or married within the last few years. Lots of things happen over the course of decades. Anyway, with all the different people and personalities in the world,  I think there are so many variations on loving relationships. And some people do get lucky and find a 100% perfect match while others find something less than perfect, but still have a great partner in life whom they love deeply nonetheless.

Post # 13
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Garden

I don’t get those butterflies any more but I think that comes with really knowing someone. I adore my FI, feel connected to him in a way I just don’t feel with anyone else. Love changes, but it can be just as intense.

Post # 14
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Kacey23:  Love doesn’t fade, it just changes. For me and FI, love has become a verb instead of a noun. The fluttery feelings come and go, but we’ve both agreed that if we felt the literal emotion of being “in love” every moment of every day, we’d explode. So we take care of each other, and we actively love each other. I make him dinner. He nurses me through panic attacks and doesn’t freak out when I say things we both know I don’t mean. That all being said, like PP, we still want to be together all the time. I look forward to seeing him everyday. We are intimate as often as time allows. Just because the actual feeling of the emotion becomes less frequent doesn’t mean that you love the person any less or want to be with them any less. 

But all that being said, keep in mind, things are different for everyone. My friends think FI and I are weird because we tell each other we love each other all the time. I think they’re weird because … well a lot of reasons. Every relationship is different, and sometimes you have to wake up and decide “yes, I love this person. I’m committed to this person, and we’re going to work through all the BS.” And other days it’s easy. Emotions are funny that way.

Post # 15
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee

I think I would get out of a relationship if the love feeling started to fade. But that’s just me. My fiance and I tell each other that we love each other at least a couple times a day. I still feel the butterflies. I still get so excited to see him that I feel like throwing up! But I do agree that the initial crazy beginning in love feeling does wear off. But that’s replaced with acceptance and a new love.

Post # 16
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

@happilyeveraftergirl:  +1 Love this. But, I will say that there are days that I work to remember how much I love him. For instance, I choose not to think about the times he has hurt me or let me down. Instead, I always try to think about how amazing he is, how well he treats me, etc. This keeps the “in love” feeling alive.

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