(Closed) Being Judgmental–a vent that i need to get out

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
981 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You are obviously really upset about things that have been brewing for some time. You can’t trade your sister in though. Here is my advice: For your own mental health, I suggest you take some time to think about the things you actually like about your sister or some happy memories you have together. If you can begin to forgive and let go of some of the anger you are feeling right now, you will feel better yourself. Weddings often bring out the worst in families, and once your weddings are over things might start to feel more normal.

Post # 4
Member
46154 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My Mom and Dad used to say that you have to love your sisters, but you don’t have to like them, or their behavior.

Venting online can be therapeutic- we get to unload- but don’t take the responses you get too seriously. None of us knows all your history, nor is there any tone, or body language to online posts to help us understand the intent of your post.

It also takes time for us all to learn to let the things that our siblings say, not be the cause of pain to ourselves. I have a sister who is ” all about me”. She calls herself a life coach because she has taken an online course, yet she has not made a success of anything in her life. She has never supported herself, has gone from relationship to relationship- whoever would support her. She is always the first to criticize my decisions, plans, career etc. It used to push my buttons, but I made a conscious decision to never let that happen again.

When she sends me an email, I respond only to specific questions about any plans we are making and ignore the digs and the innuendos.

Picture yourself with a white veil that covers you from head to toe. Nothing she says or does can penetrate that veil.

 

Post # 5
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@KitKatNYC:  This. You can’t change who you’re sister, so just try to accept it and expect her behavior. Being this angry at her only hurts you, so try to let go of the resentment and lower your expectations. 

Post # 6
Member
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Maybe you should step down from being part of the wedding party or maybe you could go to counselling with her.  You obviously have a strained relationship and will not be able to be happy for her until these conflicts are solved.

Post # 8
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: April 2013

in my opinion none of the things you talked about are too terrible that she has done..remeber no body is perfect not your sister and not you or  me for that matter..God gave you a sister to love..you may not like what she does all the time and she may not like what you do either.Im not trying to downplay your feelings because you have a right to feel hurt ..but dont dwell on the bad..you need to forgive her and not let things fester in you…unforgiveness is like drinking poison  and waiting for the other to die..it only hurts YOu..my advice would be to forgive her for everything,then next time you talk to her treat her the way you want to be treated..tell her you love her and be kind and loving..even if she is not..after doing this over and over again she will start treating you the same,and if it doesnt work right away then just keep at it..good luck to you 🙂

Post # 9
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Katnisseverdeen:  <<<<<<Hit it on the nail. You need to step down from your sisters wedding and maybe she needs to do the same with yours. My middle sister and I do not have a great relationship she has done some stuff a sister not alone a stranger should do to another person. But, that is still my sister so I understand your anger. Only because you guys are sisters does mean you HAVE to be in each others weddings. Step down and seek a professional to mend things. You and no one should hold that much hostility towards a love one.

Post # 10
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Oh dear,  if she was not your sister  and just your friend then I would tell you to drop her like a hot plate!

That being said, She IS your sister, and therefor are in a very tricky situtation. Are you in counciling? You should go, not because there is anything wrong with YOU, there isn’t , but they can help you learn how to deal with your sister in a productive way, that won’t leave you screaming on the inside.

It is so hard not to let things bother you,  but look at it this way, if she is crirtising  you  or attacking you in anyway… you MUST be doing SOMETHING right.

Post # 12
Member
4479 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I read your other threads, and I think people were being pretty harsh with you over things with your sister.  She seems like a toxic person, and it sounds like the best thing you can do is take a break from her for a while.

Post # 13
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m sorry, I had too…

Post # 15
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I think it would be best to just distance yourself from your sister for a while. Answer the emails regarding wedding stuff, but take a break from attempting to hang out get to together.It seems like every part of your lives has been intertwinded and maybe having your own hoobies/groups of friends would do you some good.

Post # 16
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

It sounds like you have a LOT of anger at her that’s built up over the years. I agree with PP that it would be healthy for you to distance yourself from her a bit. I also recommend finding a good therapist to talk to. NOT because there’s anything wrong wtih you, but because someone like that can really help you to see the patterns in your family and develop strategies for dealing with it in a healthy way. Good luck!

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