- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
I love my family, but they can be a bit suffocating at times.
My cousin (let’s call her A, she’s 24) recently got married – she was the first of our generation to get married, and as such it was a HUGE deal for the whole family. As she left school in grade 10 then moved interstate, she has very few friends her age, and so she asked myself and my other cousin (B, aged 21) to be bridesmaids. A and B are quite close to each other, but I’m not that close to either of them – we get along well, and might occasionally get coffee or have a night out, but I wouldn’t confide in either of them or ask for emotional advice/support.
I’m getting married in about a year’s time, and am trying to choose my bridal party. I want to keep it small (and inexpensive!), and conveniently I have 2 best friends who I love, and Fiance has 2 best friends as well.
I told my mother all of this, and her immediate response was that I had to have my 2 cousins as bridesmaids as well (they’re from Dad’s side of the family, not hers). She completely understands my reasoning, and agrees with my logic, but she also said that Dad’s family are easily ‘offended’ (that’s not the right word – it’s hard to explain – but they were so thrilled about all us cousins being bridesmaids together, and gushed over it excessively). I really love my family, and my cousins are great, but I’m not anywhere near close enough to them to make them bridesmaids! As terrible as it sounds, if I had 10 bridesmaids, my cousins still wouldn’t be in there because I have so many other closer friends!
The main problem is that for my family, me having my cousins isn’t a “wouldn’t that be nice” situation, it’s an expectation. The cousins themselves, I think, would completely understand – but for the rest of my family, it would be a big shock if I was to not have my cousins. My mum (who, obviously, has known my dad’s family for longer than I have) keeps fear-mongering about the fallout if I wasn’t to have my cousins as bridesmaids.
I am really at my wit’s end here. Ideally, I would like to wait a few months until all the excitement and emotion from my cousin’s wedding wears off – I think it will be much easier for my family to accept if it’s kept more separate. But if I’m getting married in 10 months, I need to start looking at dresses, which I want to do with my bridesmaids!
I also thought about getting my cousins to do another role in the wedding – but as I’m having a non-religious ceremony, I don’t feel that a reading is appropriate. Perhaps a poem? The other thing is that it is a ‘tradition’ that the female sisters/cousins sing a (silly) song at the reception – so they will already be doing that – but again that is ‘expected’ and won’t serve to offset the fact that they’re not bridesmaids.
This has turned into more of an emotional outpour than a story, sorry. Any advice?