(Closed) Being pressured into having my cousins as bridesmaids – help! (long)

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You can tell people that you need to keep the wedding party small for budget reasons and that your two friends are helping you out a lot with the wedding planning, so it makes sense to ask them to be your side of the wedding party.

If you talk to your cousins first and get them on your side, they can say, “It’s okay, we don’t want to be in the wedding party…we just want to sit back and be guests!” and that might keep their parents from kicking up trouble.

Maybe instead of ushers, you can have hostesses, and pick out dresses for them (maybe even offer to pay for the dresses for them if it sweetens the deal) that set them apart?  Or a little white lie (this is a last resort and certainly on shaky moral ground) about how your FI’s family wants to put 12 of his cousins in the wedding party if you put your 2 cousins in the wedding party?

Good luck, this is really frustrating, I know 🙁 

Post # 4
307 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Ugh I hate how families do this…I had both of my SILs who i barely know guilted into my side by the moms and they’re nice and all but I honestly wish I wasn’t having to work out all the other details like the dresses and bachelorette party with them …I would never do this to my kid…

its a tough call. If you don’t live near your cousins and have a continuing adult relationship, I would just politely tell your parents -This is the first event that begins YOUR new family in which their role is future-grandparent, and their own siblings and nieces are no longer a part of the “immediate family”. Even though I caved on the SILs, it’s only bc Fiance had all of his brothers in already. It’s different for everyone but if you’re really not close like you say, I would just let them be mad and get over it…do what makes you happy.

We’re going through this family shift thing over Thanksgiving now too…everyone is growing up, has their own family, and the parents now can either hang on to their siblings and continue to try to force adult nieces and nephews and their SOs together, or they can accept their new position moving out of the primary adult role.

Post # 5
327 posts
Helper bee

just choose your friends to be your bm, don’t be pressured to do anything you dont like, if not you will regret later. having a wedding is to enjoy the process of planning it and celebrating it in the end and you would want someone you are close to and comfortable in to do it with. maybe you can explain to them and hint in during conversation with them. not all things have to be done according to tradition. taking part in planning in the wedding is part of it as well, they dont have to be bm to feel like they are part of the wedding. good luck 

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