Post # 1
My mom was talking to my older brother when she mentioned FI and I plan on April of 2015 to get married. Brother then confessed to my mother he had gotten orders to deploy for a year, and he was upset he would miss the wedding.
My mom is going on and on about how wonderful a ~Nov 2014 wedding would be, that way he would be there, and how much she would HATE for my brother to not get to be there on our wedding day.
Now obviously April of 2015 is a long way away, but we choose that because of my current school/FI work. Even though November is a good ways away still, it seems YEARS closer than April 2015. Honestly my head is already spinning from stress even thinking about trying to move it up to Nov.
To make it even more stressful, I guess brother doesn’t know, or isn’t sharing..? his exact date for when he is leaving. He is newly married so it’s a sensitive topic, as he will be gone for a year and it just sucks to be deployed, period. All I know is he will be gone April 2015, but still here for Nov 2014.
Post # 3
@cls9q: Personally, I would move my date up if it meant my brother could attentd, but that’s just me. Then again, I also can’t imagine planning a wedding so far away.
Post # 4
Again, it is for school reasons. FI will (finally!) graduate in Dec, it’s taking him an extra year as he decided last minute to double major. A wedding in Nov and FI graduating in Dec seems like a lot.
Of course I would love my brother to be there, but honestly we have never been very close. He is much older than me, 9 years. He seems way more upset about it than I thought he would be
Post # 5
@cls9q: If you are close to your brother I’d move the date up, you have a good 10 months to get things planned which is plenty of time.
Post # 6
My brother passed away 9 months before my wedding. He was 10 years older than me, but we were still pretty close. If I could do it again, I would have made sure that I could have had him there.
Post # 7
Is it possible to move it up but be after your FI’s graduation? Would your brother still be around? It sounds like bad timing, but there’s got to be a better time it works for all.
Post # 8
@Ixtlali: Eek, that puts it in perspective. I’m starting to think it probably means so much to him since he will be going away for a year to a undesirable place, and he doesn’t want to miss all the happiness going on here.
@love108: I’m trying to find out! I’m not sure if he knows specific dates or not. I’m not really sure how it all works
Post # 9
@cls9q: I have a friend in the army, they know the month they are deploying but not the date until a few weeks before because of safety reasons.
Post # 10
@cls9q: Well don’t worry too much yet until you can get some details. BUT, make it clear to him that you want him to be there, and it does feel like a ways away but if you are going to have to change plans (guys don’t know how that works either) you have to call vendors, notify people, etc, and you need concrete dates STAT.
Post # 11
To @cls9q: you said…
Eek, that puts it in perspective. I’m starting to think it probably means so much to him since he will be going away for a year to a undesirable place, and he doesn’t want to miss all the happiness going on here.
Plus… you might not be that close to him, with him being 9 years older (understandable… a good part of your life, he’s been living a waaaay different life than you… away from home etc)
BUT you will forever be his “little sister”. He has a long term continual life-line with you… at 8 or 9 years old he’d remember his Mother being pregnant, anticipating your arrival, your birth / coming home… watching you grow up etc.
He probably very much SEES HIMSELF as a BIG PART OF YOUR LIFE… even if you don’t see him as a big part (in the same way) of yours
He probably cannot imagine NOT BEING THERE to see this monumental moment in your life happen
He is probably very proud of you and your accomplishments… and wanting to see you happy etc
If it was my Big Brother… and knowing that he was military (that alone would be the kicker for me… giving of himself to others / his country without question) and be deploying to a “not so great part of the world” I’d be doing all I could to make it happen for him.
A November, December or January Wedding would be something I’d be considering (depending on his Deployment Date)
Your Hubby-2B and you will find a way to make it work… nothing wrong to be married in my mind prior to Graduation, or shortly thereafter. By November a good lot of the term is over, and “one’s lot has already been cast” IMO
Plus, normally guys don’t have nearly the same Pre-Wedding Stress as us gals. Your guy will be fine I would think
Post # 12
@This Time Round: +1 to all of this. I’m 14 years older than my sister. We’re close, but *to me* the realtionship feels different because I had such a huge part in raising her. I was there for her first everything – I would be devastated to miss her wedding. I guess I’m also one of those people that just doesn’t see what is so stressful about a wedding? I can understand your FI being in school…but I’m a wedding photographer, that got married in the middle of my season while continuing to shoot weddings the weekends before/after mine and running my business. Talk about stressful. 😉 FWIW, I don’t know any guy (even those who are “involved”) that are so involved in the planning process that it stresses them out.
Post # 13
My brother is in the Army and we have our moments but I would not have gotten married without him being there. We had multiple phone calls before we set our date to make sure there was no chance of him deploying. I am so very thankful he was there…he wasn’t slated to give a speech but he gave the most heartwarming loving speech and I BAWLED.
Post # 15
@This Time Round: Yes, thank you. Everything you’re saying makes sense, I’m even understanding more as to why it is so important to my mother for him to be there as well.
This sounds crazy, but she’s actually suggesting I take fall semester off. That way I have from Aug-Nov to plan freely. FI and I live in TN, but wedding will be in FL (where my family is and where I grew up) so that complicates things. Ive always done really well in school so I’m not worried about taking a semester off, I’ll just load up on classes the following semester.
This probably sounds extreme, but between work/school, it would just be impossible to visit venues, do dress fittings, meet venders, etc from a different state without time flexibility.
Post # 16
I think you should do whatever you want. Honestly, if you’re not that close you are not responsible for moving your whole wedding to accomidate his schedule. If I were you I would not move the wedding since it’s out of state and you and your FI are still finishing school. Your mom probably just wants you to get married sooner because it’s exciting and mid 2015 is a long time away.
I don’t say that to be a jerk though. I actually moved my wedding up six months because my little brother was going to be deployed. (We’re close though, only 2 years apart.) But I’ll tell you, he’d been saying for over a year before I even got engaged that he was “about” to get deployed. It’s really, really hard to predict where and when they’re sending them. He’s a medic in the navy so I don’t know if it’s different since he travels with the marines, but he’s been given like 5 different timeframes. I just got married and it’s looking like he will be gone this summer afterall so I’m glad we went ahead and did it, but who knows what will happen.