Being pushed to choose a BM

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
7203 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@inspiration86:  You can choose who you want, and it’s none of your MIL’s business to even be asking.

However, if you ask A’s wife and FI’s sister, it may look a bit like a snub of B’s gf. If you find that puts you in a difficult position, it’s probably better to not ask A’s wife or FI’s sister to be bridesmaids either. You can always include FI’s sister by asking her to do a reading (like I did at my brother’s wedding).

Post # 5
Member
7203 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@inspiration86:  Well you can still do what you want. I think if FMIL asks again, then say: “I’ve only met her 3 times, and she refuses to be my friend on facebook”. That’s two good reasons.

If FMIL persists then ignore her, and/or get your FI to tell his mother to back off.

Post # 7
Member
7203 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@inspiration86:  I’m sorry to have to say this then, but the real problem is your fiance.

Your fiance is the person who needs to put FMIL in place. He should have your back at ALL times! It is disgraceful that he has sided with his mother against you!  YOU do not have to tell MIL anything. Your fiance is the one who should be standing up for you and telling his mother to back off.

And why does FI have so many groomsmen? Has he asked them already? He should never ask his groomsmen until the two of you have agreed how many you are having and who you are having. So if, for instance, he has 5 guys he wants and you have 3 girls, then you should work out a compromise, which might be having two of the guys as ushers. (Or it might be you wait until you can choose 2 other friends). When I got married I wanted 2 or 3 bridesmaids. My husband only wanted 2 groomsmen, so we agreed and my 3rd lady did a reading.

Post # 8
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@inspiration86:  You do not owe your MIL or anyone an explination. You choose who you want. Ask your girls, do not bring this up to MIL, and IF she asks just say” my bridal party has been chosen” and if she keeps asking keep repeating. You are an adult. You owe her nothing.

Furhtermore, you do not have to include her in planning. You and FI plan each aspect and donot be afraid to tell her “FI and I have already decided that” or give her somethiing small to do like look for a guest book or help you find a photo album.

This girl lives miles away. What can she do as a BM anyway?

Post # 11
Member
3941 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Choose who YOU want.  Don’t even listen to anyone else.  

Post # 13
Member
3084 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

She’s not a sister or a wife. I wouldn’t put her in. 

Post # 15
Member
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

You are not obligated to make anyone a BM. Think of it this way – would this woman choose you to a BM at her wedding? From your description I would wager she would NOT ask you to be a BM.  Be firm but polite if your FMIL brings it up again and try not to let this issue take up so much head space.

Post # 16
Member
7203 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@inspiration86:  No. Because you barely know her – you’ve only met her 3 times and she doesn’t want to be your friend on facebook. Also, it will be too late because you’ve already chosen your bridal party.

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