being turned down

posted 3 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
135 posts
Blushing bee

Most Catholics I know that live together but want to marry in the church just lie to the priest and say they’re virgins living in separate residences.  When did lying go out of fashion?

Post # 4
2642 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@gregtenn1s:  Uh ok… I’m sorry you had a bad experience.  But if neither of you are practicing Catholics, I can understand why the priest would turn you down. 

Post # 5
453 posts
Helper bee

@RunsWithBears:  yeah, maybe the non-practicing had more to do with it than the living together. 

Catholics can be funny (source: once-convert, now reformed former-Catholic)

Post # 6
6457 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Okay? You want nothing to do with it because the priest turned you down?

Post # 7
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Try Episcopalian! Their services are very similar to Catholic services, and they won’t care if you lived together!

Post # 8
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@gregtenn1s:  I don’t want to be rude, but what exactly is the point of your thread? The only thing I’m getting from this is that you are trying to lightly bash Catholicism. If you’re not a practicing Catholic, why on earth would you want to get married in a Catholic church? I never understood this.

Post # 9
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Really, we’ve seen these threads before and members of the community didn’t bash the OP.  Why now? 

My Fi’s family is very catholic and I’m absolutely dreading telling them that there is no way we will be having a catholic wedding.  I’ve been married before, and I know that there is no priest that I can imagine that would ever allow me to get married in the church.  I’d have to lie in so very many ways, that I’d never feel good about any wedding we would have with a priest, because a lie is a lie is a lie. You shouldn’t HAVE to lie to get married.

OP, I can see how this would be dissapointing for you and your SO.


Post # 10
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011


No Catholic priest is allowed to refuse to marry you, because you live together.


It’s against the rules for them to do that.

I realize it’s a common urban legend “ooo the mean Catholic priest won’t marry me because I am sexually active!” but it’s not true. It’s just not. Every once in a while you’ll hear about a priest taking a cue from a Protestant organization on this score, but a call to his boss (the bishop’s office) will fix that easily.

Now, a Catholic priest CAN refuse to marry you if you are clearly a non-practicing Catholic who doesn’t take his or her faith seriously and isn’t about to start, just because there’s a wedding coming up.

In some cases sometimes a priest WILL suggest a J.O.P. ceremony. A Catholic marriage has very serious sacramental consquences and you don’t want people entering into one who don’t totally understand what they’re getting into. That can lead to some of those people saying “now the mean old Catholic priest won’t let me remarry without an anullment.”

@gregtenn1s:  There’s good news for you OP: it’s relatively easy to get something called a convalidation for your marriage! Some more good news: Every parish has a program called R.C.I.A. which is helpful for non-Catholics and cradle Catholics alike to really take ownership and responsibility for their faith. It’s a great learning experience. I really encourage you to take advantage of it! Most parishes start the classes in the the fall, so now’s the perfect time to look into it.

Post # 11
2222 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think you’re leaving out some details.

My husband and I lived together and we weren’t turned down.


so one guy says no so you give up your faith. That’s really sad.


Post # 12
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Based on the post, I believe the priest turned you down because you don’t practice. Many people that live together are married in the church but being a Catholic in good standing (attending mass, confessions, etc) is what they are concerned about. 

You do have the option of convalidation and I would second the idea of RCIA if you become interested in reconnecting Catholicism.



Post # 13
5793 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

If you’re not practicing in the church then it really isn’t a surprise that the church won’t bestow a sacrament of marriage on you. If you really want to be married in the church then perhaps if you actually go to church for a year or so, you’ll have demonstrated the commitment to the faith that I imagine the priest is looking for.

Post # 14
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Its about finding the right one.

Myself am a non practicing and my partner is not a catholic at all!

some Church’s you have to do the “pathway to christ” and others its the promise and legal document you sign to bring your kids up catholic. In all honesty this is the only thing the Church is really concerned about.


I’m from Australia, so most of the good schools are Catholic, so people ask why a church? well silly, it’s for the children.

(not saying that you have to be catholic to goto a catholic school, but it will help your chances of being accepted  and also a child with faith is not a bad thing either)

Post # 15
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014 - Windstar on Naples bay

guess this is the reason why my priest kept going back and forth about wanting to do our ceremony. in the end im happier going with my old church/pastor but it does seem a little disheartning… but whatever…

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