(Closed) Being “used” by friends

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think lots of people have this issue with friends. I know when I was younger my dad gave me his old car when he got a new one. I had a car and I was grateful, but I hardly ever drove with friends since it had a few…unique features. There was no AC, the back doors wouldn’t open from the inside, the muffler was perpetually broken, there was no radio, the windshield wipers often come undone with any little use, ect. So no one really wanted to ride in it. BUT I always tried to pay my friends some gas money. Can you do that. Sure I can drive, but I’ll need you to chip in on gas money. Maybe then they might rather drive? 

As for others not being hosts, I would stop hosting as much and see what people do. Or stop playing driver so often. Your friends are used to being coddled and haven’t seemed to adapted to relationships that invole a more equal level of reciprocity.

Post # 4
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

oye, just read your update! I don’t know…I think you’re probably going to just flat out say " We love having you guys over, but it would be nice if someone else played host more often" and "We don’t mind driving, but can’t always do so"

Post # 5
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

If you don’t want to get confrontational, you have to stop putting yourselves in situations where everyone is relying on you and your FI for a ride. This may mean declining an invitation to hang out one night when you know your friends will be counting on you for rides there or home. You can do this a few times so they get used to finding alternative transportation, and I would recommend still being uncommital about your plans until the last minute so they’re not depending on you. It’s a little passive aggressive, but depending on everyone’s temperments, it may be the better way to handle it.

As far as everyone always coming to your place, the next time someone suggests it just say "we’re sick of hanging out at our place, it’s your turn!" or something like that. They’re your friends, so they will want to see you regardless of where it is.

Post # 6
Member
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You and your FI need to learn how to say the word "No" to your friends. Its tough when you are a generous person to put your foot down, but ultimately you’ll feel better than if you continue to be their doormat. Also, they need to learn the way the world actually works – namely that grown ups have to take responsibility for themselves and can’t expect others to cater to them all the time. And your lazy rich friend should get a driver’s license. That’s just sad and pathetic. 

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