- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Alright, here's the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth:
It's been more than a year since we got married and I still haven't written my thank-you notes.
And yes, oh yes, we feel absolutely terrible about it. I'm sure many of you are disgusted, BUT, this post is about making things right. We're sure people might be disappointed or furious with us but I'm determined to do something.
So, I was thinking about it and I thought that perhaps a small letter might be a better idea. We could write about what has been going on in our lives (why they have been absolutely crazy busy) and then write a sincere thank you for the gift they gave. The reason I want to write a letter is because I feel like a standard thank-you note might not be enough to make up for the delay.
I would print out a letter, but then hand-write the "thanks for the gift" portion. If you were one of our poor neglected guests, would this bother you? If we included photos from the past year, would it make you more upset?
I feel like SOMETHING is better than NOTHING, so I'm trying to understand what I can do. I'd like to think that folks would be happy to receive an update and a thank you for their gifts, knowing that they have been well appreciated, but I'm not sure.
Go ahead - let me have it (your opinion that is.). *braces for impact*
P.S. -if you're wondering WHY, the answer is that our life hasn't been the rosiest so we've been bombarded with personal disaster after personal disaster. Once they were all over, it had been so long that the "shame spiral" had taken hold - my perfectionism got the best of me and I didn't know how to write a thank you that needed to be preceeded by a hundred apologies for being tardy.
Edited to clarify: I didn't imagine the letter containing a lot of excuses or disasters in it - I was wanting to write a letter with a focus on the good things that have happened to us. It would be clear from reading it that we've had a lot going on, but I wasn't going to dwell on the negative. Also, the majority of the recipients are friends of my parents who we don't really know/aren't close to. I was able to get thank you cards out to our very close friends soon after the wedding.
If I was a guest I'd appreciate something, even if it was late. Go ahead and get it done!
I agree, go ahead and do it! I didn't do thank you notes after my graduation open house, and I still feel awful about it. Better to go ahead and bite the bullet!
I think a letter's a good idea - better late than never! Especially given your circumstances, I'm sure people will understand :)
I agree, just send something! I attended a cousin's wedding in November of 2009 and have yet to receive a Thank You. It's not so much that I want the note but since I shipped it from the registry, I want to make sure they actually received it! I asked his mom and she ignored my email. So did I pay Target $50 for nothing? Happens every day. Send your notes :) Good for you for taking ownership :)
I think that would be nice. I would appreciate gettting a letter with a hand written personal note about the gift. Very nice idea :)
I would put together an entire article. Like, "A year in the life of Mr. & Mrs. Smith" Then at least it would be super cute and you could go all out, so that it had a little more pizazz :) Then you could include personal notes with it if you wanted.
::HUGS:: I too haven't done my thank you notes yet. Better late than never.
I think at this point you definitely can't do a generic "Dear Guest, thank you for the lovely gift" type of letter but a personalized thank you is acceptable. And I think the detailed letter updating everyone on your lives is a nice idea, but slightly inappropriate because it will look like you're making excuses for being so tardy. Like "We had so many disastrous things happen to us that are more important than your (guest) disastrous events and that's why we are justified in not writing TY notes". I would just write the note ASAP and send them out, no apology or explanation. Then if you want to do the letter maybe around the holidays that would be fine.
I'm not crazy about the letter idea but thats just me. I wont be sending out thank you notes either, atleast not to everybody. In my circles its normal to call each person a few days after the big day and thank them in person rather than in a note. So I will be doing that. I actually dread calling though, it can be so awkward getting off the phone. Ugh
I think a note is a great idea. I would much rather receive a thank you note years later with an explanation, than nothing at all. I say just get them done and off your mind. Otherwise I fear you'll feel guilty forever, not to mention the fact that some people you care about might currently be hurt by your silence.
Always better late than never. If you send it late, then it would be "Well, it was late but at least they did it!" otherwise it's "Can you believe the nerve they didn't even send a thank you card? What the heck were they doing?!"
Oh, I should clarify that I didn't imagine the letter containing a lot of excuses or disasters in it - I was wanting to write a letter with a focus on the good things that have happened to us. It would be clear from reading it that we've had a lot going on, but I wasn't going to dwell on the negative.
Many (vast majority) of the recipients are friends of my parents, and so they don't get any news about our lives regularly and are not close to us so they haven't received any long letters around the holidays.
I simply don't know how a normal, regular "thank you" would be received if it made zero mention of the time passing. I wanted to acknowledge that it has been a while, and thought I might spin into a life-updating letter instead of just one line in the thank you apologizing for the delay.
What you went through is called "LIFE" and every one of your guests was hit with unexpected bumps in the road during the past year as well. It happens to everyone, so sending a "Here's why we couldn't thank you" letter is really not going to do you any favors. It's going to get you a bunch of eye rolls from people who also had shit going on in their life, but made an effort to go your wedding and celebrate with you. At this point, better late than never is right, but you need to sit down and write out heartfelt thank you cards just as you would have right after the wedding with simply a ,"Sorry this is so late," to preface the message.
I would honestly skip the letter and just send out thank you cards. Individual, handwritten thank you cards. The printed form letter of your life's craziness is too impersonal and sounds like making excuses. Sorry. Also, I hate getting them in Christmas cards anyway... it emphasizes that we aren't close enough to already know what is going on in each other's lives. A regular thank you does what it is supposed to do, better late than never.
I dont think you need to include a letter. I would just write a normal thank you card and like @ohheavenlyday said just preface with We are so sorry these are late but we didnt forget or something along those lines
I think writing a letter about what you've been up to will draw more attention to the fact that a lot of time has passed. Just admit up front you know that their late, but keep them simple. A thank you letter should be about the person you're sending to - not about you, so I think a letter about you will seem sort of...tacky.
I know you're stressed about it, but life happens & it happens all the time!
"A thank you letter should be about the person you're sending to - not about you, so I think a letter about you will seem sort of...tacky."
Yeah, actually... you're right.
@coconutmellie: I understand you won't write about disasters or make excuses, but honestly if I got a TY card really late and it had one of those letters talking about everything the bride and groom had been up to I would take it as them making an excuse for being so late. I think you're better off focusing on thanking them for the gift, make the note about their generosity not an update on you and your DH.
@moderndaisy: Actually, you're right. Crystalrodz said it as well and it hadn't dawned on me that it really wouldn't be in the proper spirit of "thank you" notes.
I guess it was my first idea to try to go "all out" with the notes, in an effort to make up for them being so late. We feel bad and we wanted the card to reflect that and I didn't think one line at the top would really be enough.
And this is why we haven't written them - you end up beating yourself up because you just can't do a good enough job.
i am in the camp where i think a letter might highlight how much time has passed.
here's how i see it-- you know that they're late. adding something extra won't change the fact that they are late.
however, if they are a normal, well-adjusted person, they'll get over it, especially if your thank you card is really sincere and thanks them for their thoughfulness and care in getting you a gift.
of course, there will be the people who will complain, but its my experience that the maladjusted always find something to complain about, and there will be those people who wouldn't even be able to appreciate a thank you card written the DAY after a wedding because they just like to complain..
I think individualized thank you cards with a "sorry it's late" preface would be perfect! I'm not crazy about the letter.
Just send the thank-you notes already. I think the letter might be more inflammatory than you think.
@jay0hwhy: "and there will be those people who wouldn't even be able to appreciate a thank you card written the DAY after a wedding because they just like to complain.
I've been trying to forget about the episode, but we wrote a thank you note within a few days to one of my brand spankin' new in-laws - my husband's only uncle.
We heard through the grapevine that they bitched, moaned and insulted us up down and around for hours after they received it because the note I wrote was "too formal" and that all the sincere thank yous and emotion I put into it weren't enough. I really put a lot of effort into it, thanking them for traveling to our wedding, and they had fits over it, telling us we needed to "relax."
*sigh* I hate all my in-laws so, so much.
I really think it's worse that they are to your parent's friends, and I'm sure they're feeling a bit miffed about it. I wouldn't be sending boxed generic cards either. In an attempt to make up for the lateness, I'd be hitting a card store and sending some nicer cards to thank them.
Do your parents even know? I'd be mortified if my daughter didn't thank my friends.
@coconutmellie:Honestly, I would love that. I have two wedding gifts I gave and never got thank yous (years ago now) and I would STIL love a thank you note, even if it didn't come with that sweet letter that you're planning on including.
Go for it!
I don't think a letter is necessary. However, if you choose to do one, I think you are better to handwrite them (even if it might take a while). I would be put off by a generic "update letter", even if it had a handwritten note at the bottom.
Honestly, I think you are fine to just write thank you cards. Just make sure that you are as sincere and don't be generic. Don't make excuses in it, just thank them. Now that you are a year out, you should be able to comment on how you have used the gift etc.
I went to a wedding 2 years ago that I never received a thank you note for, and it still bothers me.
I hate those holiday newsletters (you know the ones that give an update, maybe enclose a picture) and that's it. No signature, no note, nothing.
I say that, because I'm anti 'here's what's happening with us' as a thank you for a wedding gift.
AS A GIFTER, I'd MUCH rather get a regular thank you note... and it be late... even over a year late.. than not get one at all.
If I got your letter, I'd be automatically annoyed - even if it had a note in addition to the letter.
@coconutmellie: I agree with the camp that says..just go ahead and handwrite a nice note. I'd be happy to receive it, even if it was late. I can remember so many wedding gifts I that I gave that were never acknowledged. If I sent it from a registry, I don't even know if they got it Recently, I asked a friend if her daughter received a gift I sent from Williams Sonoma a year and a half ago. She said that another friend had asked the same thing. so, after asking her daughter... it turns out the bride had written the notes and some were still in the stationary box and had never been mailed. I was glad I asked, because a lot of others were wondering about their gifts, too. So, just swallow your shame and get busy. I'm sure they would rather get the note late than not at all.
It sounds like you are punishing yourself for not doing it more than anyone else will. Life happens, everyone understands that and has had the same happen to them. I had the guilt and shame feeling and I did mine only 6 months after, so I can imagine how much you are beating yourself up about it.
It's ok. Stop stressing about it and don't feel too bad about it. You can't change the past, but you can fix it. A letter or a picture isn't necessary. Just get some nice thank you cards, say you are sorry they are late, then go into the good stuff. They will be appreciated, even if they are late.
I'm in the exact.same. situation.
I think those around you who know of the personal situations will understand. It's not a typical scenario of boy marries girl and a year goes by and no thank you card.
I've ordered our TY cards and it's been sitting in our office for MONTHS since December. The week it arrived is when my BIL passed away suddenly. So quite frankly if people can't understand that writing a TY card is the last thing on our minds right now, screw them.
But I do agree, something is better than nothing! You're my inspiration! Now I will try my darndest to get these out before our 1 year! hehe
I wrote a post now two months ago that said something along these lines - we were SO LATE writing them due to a variety of both good and lame reasons (massive issues in our personal lives being the main reason) and I felt horrible. Now here I am - aproaching eight months - and not a single card sent. Still feeling awfully guilty and horrible about everything...
Recently when I menitoned how horrible I felt about it to a friend, she did point out that she felt it was so late at this point that people would be more surprised to get one than to have not gotten one. I disagree and still feel my husband and I should find time to write them ASAP and at least mail them before our one year anniversary.
Send whatever you would like - and remember you aren't the only one.
If I was a guest I would like the one year update, but just sending the thank yous would be fine. don;t add a ton more stress that you don't need
How about a cute little poem or haiku apology instead of a letter? Have it printed on a thank you card (a photo one from your photog maybe?). Better late than never and my anger would dissolve immediately if I got one after the fact.
OH and one more thought: it's NEVER too late to do the right thing ;)
If people are close to you, they won't care if it's late. They'll understand that life happens and be happy to get a note.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 24 |
| fishbone | 21 |
| ndreighton | 18 |
| MsPanda | 14 |
| ladyartichoke | 14 |
| aduarte3201 | 14 |
| mypinkshoes | 12 |
 rdownie1 |
12 |
| pengoala | 11 |
| sylvia.riggle |
11 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Miss Apricot | 1 |
| msmolar | 1 |
| Fall_In_Love22 | 1 |
| MarryMeTiffany | 1 |
| rubybride718 | 1 |
| AngieBelle | 1 |
