- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
My dad’s side of the family has always been a little…um cranky I guess. They have high expectations of people, and if they are disappointed or upset with someone, they don’t speak to that person, literally sometimes for YEARS.
My dad and his sister are at odds. I have always felt close to my aunt and she has always been my “favorite.” I had even considered having her be one of my bridesmaids.
I had a pretty rough life from about age 20 to 32 with an abusive, drug addicted husband (now divorced) and had to basically raise our two children alone. Call it an excuse or call it a reason, it consumed my life and I didn’t seem to have time to even think about calling my aunt except on very rare occasions, birthdays, Christmas, etc. and I certainly could not afford to buy her gifts for her birthday, etc. due to the aforementioned situation and my ex-husband not feeling like he had to work. Now, I fully understand that I should’ve tried a little harder, and I’m taking full responsibility for that, but sometimes I feel like I did the best I could, also given that she lives over 1300 miles away from me. On her last birthday, I sent her a text and told her I loved her and also mailed her a card.
She recently informed me that she would not be attending my wedding. The reason she gave me is that she knew my dad would be there and didn’t want anyone to feel uncomfortable. I assured her that she should come anyway and everyone could be civil for a couple of hours. She declined still. My father tells me this is the same weekend as her high school reunion and that is why she won’t be attending; she’d apparently rather go to that. My grandmother (her mother) told me last night that the reason she’s not coming is because she has called and sent cards on holidays and birthdays since I was little and that she got nothing in return.
First of all, this is quite untrue, as mentioned above. I also talk to her quite frequently on Facebook to catch up. I know it’s not the same as a phone call, but I really feel it’s more convenient, as we have very different work schedules (she works nights). Plus, I’m not asking for anything from her. I just wanted her to be there.
Further, is that what it’s about? Do we give in order to receive? Is it always a competition? I certainly don’t expect my nieces or nephew to give me anything in return when I give them a birthday gift. I’m just happy to see them smile.
She apparently will be here a few days before the wedding and wants to see me (even though she’s still not attending). I’m not sure how to handle this. I’m mad and hurt and sorry all at the same time. Plus this all comes out a month before my wedding, so I’m completely stressed out as it is. This is someone I’ve always looked up to and adored, and now she’s mad at me and didn’t even feel like she could tell me. I’m so completely sad.
Sorry this is long. Thanks for even listening. It helps a little to just get it off my chest.