(Closed) Beloved aunt will not be attending, and I can't stop crying.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@thmpper:  thats so disappointing, im sorry. im not sure what the solution is to be honest – you could hope that she comes round, but then itll be more disappointing if she doesnt

is there anyway you can call or write to her and just say that you wish you had a closer relationship, and haven’t been in contact as much as you wanted to? im not saying its your fault AT all, but if shes feeling hurt then maybe try to build bridges. anyway to build bridges between your dad and her?

logically, everyone should be able to get along for a few hours. but it doesnt always work out

Post # 5
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My grandmother (her mother) told me last night that the reason she’s not coming is because she has called and sent cards on holidays and birthdays since I was little and that she got nothing in return” m sorry but this sounds petty. Does she expect you to give her something in return for the card she sent you when you were like 10 years told and under? You should give someone out of the goodness of your heart and you want to make their Bday or Christmas alittle more special, not cause you expect something in return. (But a thank you is good).

I feel for you because my Aunt (also my dads sister, but they get along) isnt coming to my wedding either. I’ve been told by my mom not to take it personally, but its hard. I used to go and say with her for summers when I was little, and a few years ago I went to work for her and help her with her kids (cause her husband wont). We were pretty close. Our wedding is in sept and she says they will be harvesting (even though they have A LOT of help and they rarely do it themselves). But I told them if I have it in the spring you cant come, in the fall you cant, in the summer you wouldnt, and I dont want a wedding in the winter. But she doesnt make an effort for anything though, so maybe thats why Im starting to not be so mad. She wont visit with you, unless you drive 8 hours to see her.

Its hard, but dont take it personally. Its her loss.


Post # 6
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you need to leave everyone else’s commentary out of the mix, as the only person who knows the true reason for her not attending is your aunt, and the rest of the folks are only butting in and making things more difficult and more confusing.

I also think you need to accept your aunt’s excuse of not wanting to make people feel uncomfortable, at face value. Personally I wouldn’t use that kind of an excuse, but my family has more or less always gotten along; I do know other people or families where certain combinations of two people turns into either high drama or icy cold stares all night, and if that’s what she is afraid of, then it’s not at all rude for her to remove herself from the situation. Especially because SHE is one of the ones likely to be feeling uncomfortable.

I would accept her invitation to get together before the wedding, and meet up with her with an open mind. It genuinely seems like she wants to make an effort to strengthen your relationship; otherwise she’d not even bother trying to see you.  Accept her Decline gracefully, and try to look past the one day (even though you want it so badly) to grow closer for the rest of your lives.

It is really important, though, that if/when you get together, it is just the two of you, and that you both acknowledge that the rest of your family is complicating your relaitonship, and that you agree to always be open and honest with one another, no matter what your grandmother or your father or anyone else has to say.

Post # 8
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

So hard when people can’t put aside their differences for someone elses special day. Also, hard when someone you love can’t make it for any reason! My dad called me the day before my wedding to tell me he wasn’t going to make it…it was heart breaking…and though I understood why, I coldn’t understand why he couldn’t try a little harder. 

The idea that she’s not coming because she didn’t get enough cards or gifts or phone calls from you is just silly! I can’t beleive someone would even suggest that to you! If it is true, then that would mean your aunt is very focused on recieving and only gives when she feels she owes someone something…in which case, that’s really unfortunate. But somehow I doubt that’s true! I love getting gifts and I definently notice if someone hasn’t called me in a while or even said hello on facebook or something…but when I’m invited to an important life even for someone, I sure don’t tally up how much love and attention they’ve showered me with in the last year or two! That’ would be ridiculous!

Don’t worry sweetie..you can’t make someone be there for you if they just won’t…you have to just roll with this one, and let yourself be sad for a while. Try not to take it personally…you will drive yourself nuts if you do. 

Post # 9
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@thmpper:  sorry to hear this, your Aunt may not have even said anything of the sort to your grandmother and until you hear it from her you shouldnt presume this is the reason at all.  Your Aunt probably just wants to avoid a scene with your Dad. Maybe you could call her, and have a chat.  Tell her what you said about you feel guilty about not keeping in contact etc.

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