- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
Bees, my fiance and I are beside ourselves. His mother and sister have been difficult, to say the least, from the day that we have announced our engagement. There is some history here so I will just fill in quickly.
-My fiance helped his sister and her husband financially for two years while they got on their feet. (Much of what they have today is because of the kindness and generosity of my FI)
– Shortly after he and I met, he made it clear to them that we were in love, and he wanted to begin to build and save for a future with me (IE engagement ring, house, family) and he would be not helping them out money-wise as of an agreed upon date between the three of them.
– Last year my FI and I got engaged, and this past winter we moved in together into my apartment and began to save together for a home/family.
– My parents will be paying for most everything in our wedding short of out wedding rings, I am an only child and they are really going all out here. I am very very grateful for everything they have done and are doing, and my FI and I could not have planned/ envisioned a more beautiful day for ourselves. We are very excited. His mom and sister have been a bit of a pain about every little thing. They think that my engagement ring is “too flashy” they think that my dress was “too over the top” and they think that our menu is “too rich”. I haven’t sought out their opinions on these matters. It was more along the lines of them asking “oh have you picked out your dress?” and when I showed them a picture I was met with bitterness and anger. Same with my engagement ring, anger that my ring was larger than his sisters and questioning ” Did you NEED a ring that big, my god!” My parents have also hired a limo service for both families, and they also think that this is over the top. My parents come from a place where a wedding is a once in a lifetime occassion, and it should be treated as one. They have pulled out all of the stops, and have asked my FI family to pay for nothing, nor have they offered (which is fine). I have been polite and respectful through all of this.
THE PROBLEM: We are getting married in a little over a month. My FI sister has sent my FI an email and asked if she could bring a birthday cake to our wedding for their mother. (her birthday is three days after the wedding). My parents are paying a small fortune for a beautiful wedding cake with a unique design. My FI told her that it would be inappropriate, and said sorry but no. This was met with anger and hostility from them both, with backlash that we were being selfish in not wanting to share the joy of our day. Ummmm…. We are asking for one day, ONE DAY. We didn’t have an engagement party, I didn’t have a bridal shower, and we are not doing any other parties except the reception after the wedding. My FI and I feel as though we deserve the undivided attention at our wedding that my parents are paying for. This was met with a guilt trip that there are older family members in the family, and who knows how long everyone will be with us. I have expressed that I understand where she is coming from, and while I think it would be great to celebrate her birthday, does it have to happen on my wedding day? This took a ton of planning, and my parents are paying a lot of money for all of this. If she would like to celebrate in some way, she should take the time to send out invites, plan a dinner or lunch or whatever, and pay for it herself.
The families are now at war. How do I settle this? My FI is so angry he has uninvited them in haste. I doubt this will stick, but I wonder if they don’t resolve this what will happen. What the heck is wrong with these people? Who does this to a bride? Isnt the old saying that a bride gets one day? I feel like they are trying to take my day away. All I am asking for is one day for my FI and I to get married, be the center of attention, and have our loved ones there to celebrate with us and have a great day. one day!