Post # 1
The best advice I’ve received about staying happy in marriage came from my sister: she told me always to express gratitude for things, even if they’re not 100% “just right.” That means that when NH makes the bed, and I notice that there are a bunch of wrinkles in the comforter, I thank him for doing something that makes me happy, rather than criticize him for not doing it perfectly. If he brings me coffee in bed but the coffee’s too weak, I thank him for thinking of me even if I really just want a new cup (usually, he brews a shot of espresso to dump into the coffee just in case!). This advice has led to other things that work for us: if something bothers me, I give it 24 hours and see if it still bothers me — turns out that, much like the Charlotte/Harry teabag situation (for you Sex and the City fans!), NH doesn’t do things to annoy me intentionally (and vice versa), but he does try to make me happy even in small ways that I might not notice at first.
What is the best advice you’ve received about relationships?
Post # 2
Never talk bad about your husband/SO to your friends and family. You might be quick to forgive, but your friends and family won’t forget. Obviously we all vent about the little stupid things, but I think this applies to the bigger stuff.
Post # 3
futuremrshaupt: This is so true. My best friend has been having a lot of issues with her fiancé. She’s gotten over the stuff that he’s done but I haven’t. I try to be as neutral as possible but deep down, I want to bury him alive. Mothers and best friends don’t forget.
Post # 4
aekc: That is really good advice that I try to practice every day. I also go out of my way to thank him for doing things even if it’s “expected” behavior like thanking him for clearing his dishes off the table after we eat dinner or taking out the garbage when it’s full. I make sure he knows I appreciate and notice all the little things he does 🙂
Post # 5
I love that. And I definitely try to live by that advice. Other than that, our pastor told me to make sure the house was a Shelter for DH to come home to. I loved that advice.
Post # 6
futuremrshaupt: love that adviCW. But, I kind of also hate it when women compulsively complain about their SO’s. It really needs to stay between the two of you.
Post # 7
futuremrshaupt: I completely agree with that. I had a really negative outlook on my friend’s now DH because she would constantly complain about him and what he did (it was smaller stuff, but a lot of it). It was hard to like him for awhile because all I kept thinking about was that she didn’t seem happy.
I think some of the best, and simplest, marriage advice is to actually communicate with your partner (out loud)-when you’re happy, when you’re frustrated, etc. Your SO cannot read your mind so when you’re feeling something, say it, even if it’s hard.
Post # 8
I firmly believe that gratitude is the key to happiness, in just about every aspect of life. My pastor once told me that in order to have harmony in your relationship, you must first find it within yourself. Beautiful statement and so true!
Post # 9
ilovebacon: I try to be as neutral as possible but deep down, I want to bury him alive. Mothers and best friends don’t forget.
Agreed! This was the beginning of the end for the relationship I had with my (former) best friend. She vented to me, and because he had hurt HER, my best friend who no man would ever be good enough for, I (unthinkingly) said he was an a$$****. She got extremely upset, and even after they broke up a few months later, our relationship was never the same. We haven’t talked in years. 🙁
It’s one of the few moments I wish I could go back in time to: to either tell her to zip it and not vent to me, or to tell myself to try to be sympathetic without getting angry and calling him names.
Post # 10
aekc: i think it was on the bee that i heard the ten rule. i think it was ten? i call it ten. okay so when we get upset about something weather its me or him. i either ask him or myself. (and of course this is for little things all threw out life, not just in our relationship). for example when DH got soooo upset his workers drank the last of his beers. he was furious. lol. so i asked him. will this matter in ten days? ten months? ten years? if its not gunna matter in that amount of time. its not really worth getting sooo upset about. are you gunna care about the beer in a week? no.. didnt think so. so dont flip. so if im upset with DH. ill ask myself. will this matter in ten months? it usually calms me down from the little things that make me flip. Also kiss before you leave and kiss when you greet each other. i love that one. but i love kissing him!! hehe
Post # 11
I don’t know that someone necessarily told me this, but I think the most important thing to do is talk to your boyfriend/fiance/husband when something is wrong. I’m always amazed when girlfriends call me with a relationship problem and ask for advice or ask me what to say to their SO. I always say, talk to your SO! Shouldn’t you be the expert on advice about your SO?
Post # 12
Advice to married people
Tell each other that you love each other and do it every day.
Advice to non-married people.
You can’t marry a man just because he’s kind but don’t marry a man who isn’t kind.
Supersleuth: married 27 years!
Post # 13
Make the best effort you can to greet your SO at the door when they come home, or go to find them if they are home first. It shows that you are putting them first of whatever is going on (obviously this is a bit harder if you have kids, depending on what they are doing but I think you could try and time it so that they can be carried with you/left alone in whatever activity at that moment) and that you are happy to see them. It’s just a small thing that non-verbally communicates your affection for each other.
souza_2005: I love this rule. I especially love using it for when things go wrong in life, it makes things feel SO much better. I think it’s especially great advice for teens.
I’m uploading this photo so that I can Pin this thread on Pintrest. Feel free to use it too.
Post # 14
When we got engaged my grandmother’s advice was “You may not always agree with the decisions he makes, but support him anyway”… There have been a few times I have used that advice… My dh knows when i disagree with him, we talk all decisions through, but sometimes he has made decisions which for no logical reason don’t sit right with me… sometimes I have been right but I resist I told you so and instead try to be supportive from the moment the decision is made…
Post # 15
A family member (married for 45+ years) recently told me the most important thing is to make time to spend quality time together- whether it is shared hobbies or date nights. It seems like a no-brainer, but a lot of people get busy and stop going on date nights. She said date nights are critical (especially after you have children). She told me a story about a friend of hers who had two kids and (finally) went on a special date night- she said the date night made her realize why she married her husband- she had forgotten! Then she made a funny comment about how the younger generation has an odd aversion to baby sitters (and i totally have friends like that) and they really need to leave the kids and have time to yourself. She said that’s why people get married after 20+ years- the kids are out of the house and they realize they don’t even know each other anymore.