Post # 1
My cousin is 22 and getting married. She is very inexperienced about life. She has not even finished college yet either. I think she is too young and naive to get married but since she did not ask for my opinion, I won’t be telling her that. The poor thing thinks that love alone can solve any problem.
I could have been married when I was 18 to my first boyfriend. I am so glad that I listened to my mother. I was not ready for marriage at such a young age. I knew a woman who had two kids and a husband by the time she was twenty. She never finished high school or did anything with her life outside of being a wife and a mother. I don’t understand that mindset as I have always been ambitious and interested in education…to each her own.
I am so glad that I was 28 when I got married. By that time, I had lived on my own for a few years and had some relationship experience. My outlook on life changed when I was about 25, which is when the part of the brain which makes decisions is fully developed. I see so much of myself in women under 25 who think they know everything, despite not experiencing very much life.
What is the best age to get married Bees? I think at least 25 is best, preferably after someone has gotten to know themselves outside if being a spouse. I am not saying that it is wrong to marry at a young age, just stating my opinion. I hope that any Bee who gets married stays that way, even if they are young and inexperienced.
Post # 3
@TakeTwo: I think that every relationship is different and you can’t judge when someone should be married based on their age. There are some young 20 somethings who have experienced more in life than some 30 year olds. In my experience, it isn’t the age but the road you traveled.
I’m 23 and just got married. I’ve been working since I was 14. I have been independent since I was probably 16. I recently graduated college and I’m now attending graduate school. I’ve worked many jobs, gone so many places, met so many people and learned so much. I’m sure there are plenty of others out there like me.
I’ve known girls who didn’t start working until they were 21 or 22. Then stopped working when they got married and became house wives at 27 or 28. What kind of experience is that?
Post # 4
There is no universal best age. Whenever you’re ready personally and as a couple. For some people, that’s 18. For others, it’s 50. Or never, Or anywhere in between. I don’t think it’s really fair to say that one age is objectively better than any other because individual situations vary so widely.
Post # 5
- Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2
Yet another post like this ::rolls eyes::
As we have all concluded from the last 50-or-so posts like this, there is no ‘best age for marriage’.
As long as you are financially secure and emotionally ready, go for it.
No one can choose when they meet Mr. Right, it might be at 16 (do they will likely marry young) or it might be at 35 (an will marry late 30s).
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2
@mylittleviolett: “it isn’t the age but the road you traveled.”
I really like that quote and feel I can personally identify. Thanks!
Post # 7
Honestly, the original post comes off extremely judgemental and patronizing. I’m going to assume you didn’t mean for it to sound like that.
It really comes down to “Different strokes.” I think it’s important to get married when you really think you are ready for it emotionally, financially, etc. Generally, I don’t think it’s any of my concern what other people do and I’m not personally in their relationship. I’m not there every day, day in and day out to really know what they’re like and whether it’s a good time to get married. And I certainly know people who were much older (35-40) and it was very obvious to me that the people in question shouldn’t get married. I got married when I was ready, and when I really felt that my relationship was extremely strong after many, MANY conversations about the marriage we both wanted, our new family values, and our long term goals as a couple, individuals and as a family.
You do what works for you.
Post # 8
I said 30 and over because I am 33 and my husband is 38 and we just got married….neither of us were in a rush, we bought a house first then got married July 6th…
I think it depends on where you are in life……we wanted less debt before marriage…..and now we are comfortable without money worries…..so it worked for us….
Post # 9
@MrsYoshida: You’re welcome! See there are other people out there like me 🙂
Post # 10
I apologize for annoying you with this thread. I was unaware that this had been discussed before.
Post # 11
im 22 and marrying next year.
I have only been with my FI for 18 months but when you know, you know right? We didnt see the point in waiting, we both know we will marry so why wait until we are older? what diference does it make. My FI is 28 but i do get a lot of ‘oh you are so young’ but i will always be with him so what difference does it make?
Post # 12
I had people tell me that I was too young to get married when I was engaged at 27. They felt like I should have played the field a bit more, even though I had my fill of dating by then. My early twenties were an adventure in self-growth, love and sex.
I think it is very interesting that most Bees who responded to the poll echoed my belief that 25+ is the best age for marriage.
While it is true that age does not always lead to maturity and sound decisions, I think it is safe to say that people often become wiser and more secure as they get older.
Perhaps my POV comes from seeing so many young marriages end. Sometimes it was because one of the spouses felt “tied down” so they were unfaithful. Other marriages led to divorce because the couple had outgrown each other. I understand that couples divorce at many different ages; I was just talking about some of my experiences.
Post # 13
Nobody can be certain that they will always be with their spouse. Marriages do not always stand the test of time despite the best of intentions and circumstances.
Sometimes spouses die young or divorce. Sad but true.
I am not saying that your marriage will surely end prematurely, just that there is always the possibility. I wish all couples decades of love.
Post # 14
- Wedding: November 2013 - Garden
I’m 23 and nobody has told me that I’m too young to get married. Everyone is different. I don’t think you can really judge if somebody is ready when you’re on the outside looking in. I don’t know how close you are to your cousin, but I’ve been living away from my family for the last 3 years and to be perfectly honest I don’t think my cousins or my aunts would know me well enough to make that call.
I’ve always thought it would be nice to marry young and start a family while I was young.
Post # 15
I understand your point of view but I really don’t think that there’s a BEST age for marriage because everyone has different life experiences and matures at different times.
Sure, it is important to be mature, realistic, financially stable, know who you are, and know what you want out of life before entering marriage, but that can happen at any age. I got engaged at 22 and will be married by 24. I don’t think we’re too young and neither do our families even though our parents married a bit older.
Plus people go through different life experiences. I personally feel like I have lived a lot of life in my 22 years. I lost my dad at 15, had to grow up a lot, got a bachleors degree, going on to get my doctorate now, studied abroad in Africa, and had jobs. We’ve been together 3.5 years and my fiance and I have done a lot of reserach and made sure that we were getting married for the right reasons other than just love alone (we love each other beyond what words could describe). He also has a great job now and can financially support us.
Everyone is ready at different times depending on the situation. So I can’t say there’s the “best” age to get married at.
Post # 16
Everyone is different and I do not judge anyone who chooses otherwise, but for me I think ideal age of marriage is late twenties nowadays. Complete college, work a couple of years in your field (maybe try different careers), pursue a graduate degree, get established, date around, travel, be young and learn more about yourself. For me, even at 27 I did not feel ready to get married even though I loved my DH, lived with him and wanted to be with him forever. It really wasn’t until I hit 28 that something suddenly clicked and I felt ready… it was quite weird 🙂 But I was not someone who dreamt about being a bride or wanted to have babies before age 30, so I may be in the minority!