Post # 1
67 days until the wedding and I’m freaking out about little unimportant things when I think I’m primarily afraid of this huge life/perception change that’s just around the corner. I just stumbled across this blog, “What It Means to Be In Love“.
It addresses the following misconceptions — many of which appear on the Bee from time-to-time and are offered as encourageent to end relationships.
The basic messages about love are:
- * The point of life is to meet “The One.”
- * When you meet this fabled “One”, you’ll know it immediately and never suffer a moment of doubt.
- * If you do experience doubt, he or she is not “The One”. You must have gotten something wrong as we all know that doubt means don’t.
- * Love is a feeling characterized by butterflies and skipped heartbeats. If you don’t have those feelings or if they fade away, something is terribly wrong and it’s time to leave. If the feelings fade it means you’re no longer in love.
- * Your “One” will complete you (Jerry Maguire) and make you feel whole, alive, sexual, and fulfilled. He or she is the missing piece to your puzzle and once you meet him or her everything will make sense. If things stop making sense, there must be something terribly wrong and it’s time to leave.
- * You’re either in love or out of love. You can fall in or out of love like falling into a puddle. Sometimes you just fall out of love and then it’s time to leave. Said another way, falling out of love is a valid reason to end a relationship.
Anyhow, articles like are comforting to me at times like this.
Post # 3
I agree and disagree with some of the points. In a perfect world yes but that’s not always the case.
Post # 4
Sheryl Paul is amazing, absolutely LOVE her insight. I read that blog frequently and it brings life into perspective so nicely!
@discokitty: 67 days indeed! I am right there with ya!
Post # 5
Sorry if I wasn’t clear — these are the points that she argues against in her blog.
Post # 6
I love Sheryl Paul’s work. I didn’t read the article you linked, but I can only assume it’s her. I had MAJOR relationship anxiety a few months ago – couldn’t eat, sleep, work. I lost 20 pounds in just a couple of weeks. It was the most horrible, brutal experience of my life.
I found her site and it helped me IMMENSELY. I also started therapy, and medication (which I no longer take). It was believing all of those myths that had me worked up. Believing that evening questioning my choices meant I must be making the wrong one… Sooooo not true. My man is the very best, most amazing, loving person I could ever imagine spending my life with.
So glad I found her work! I’m glad it’s helpful for you too
Post # 7
@discokitty: Oh thank goodness I read this comment. Because I was about to go off on a long rant about how that is why so many relationships fail as that is what people are told to expect.
That was an excellent piece that I wish more people would read and take to heart.
Post # 8
That is so good. I want to print it out and give it to all of my girlfriends.
Like PP, I went through a major “HOLY CRAP I’M GETTING MARRIED AM I REALLY READY FOR THIS!” phase, but thankfully it’s all settled down. I’ve always been a pessimestic person who is resistant to change and who overthinks everything – really, I was a disaster waiting to happen. Sheryl’s website REALLY helped me. A ton.
Post # 9
Thanks for posting this. I read this article and then skimmed through her other posts and read the one about Why is Love Scary.
When I read this kind of stuff – and realize just how messed up my little brain and heart are from two parents for whom I was never good enough – I feel so bad for my poor FI. I do things (sometimes consciously, sometimes unconsciously) to push him away because I’m afraid. I know it – but I can’t always control it or turn it around quickly enough… Poor boy. I must be exhausting…
I have my individual session with our premariagge counselor next week, and I am going to highlight some of the points from these and bring them along.
Post # 12
@discokitty: Ohhhhh that makes much more sense! Sorry about that haha
Post # 13
@xdaydreams05x: You must have thought I was living in la-la land 🙂
Post # 14
i’m kind of tired of hearing people say that because I have any doubts whatsoever that’s it, done. Will I ever not have any?? I’m the kind of person who thinks about things very thoroughly . I sometimes have doubts about my current relationship but those inner dialogues end up convincing me that the great things are worth the occasional human imperfections. That it doesn’t matter because we complement each other. We rarely disagree and bounce back reliably from stressful, frustrating, not conducive to love times. I feel like occasionally doubting leads to conscious decision making.
That’s “one” enough for me!
you should listen to Dan Savage’s I opinion on the myth of the one. I believe it’s on YouTube. Same message, well put.