Post # 1
One of my best friends and I have been friends since the beginning of middle school. She has never been really supportive of my relationship with FI and I think that is because personal reasons of her own. Our wedding is basically a destination weddings cause 75% of the guests will come from out of town 16+ hours away and 20% will come from 3 hours away. I am having a small wedding party with only one maid of honor and no bms. The wedding party consists of the family members only. Even our officiant (FI’s uncle). I asked my cousin to be my moh because she is child free, reliable, has the means to travel and is generally happy for me. She has been a blessing for this wedding. My best friend doesn’t have the money to travel and she is not very reliable. Every since we got engaged, she never offered a word of support, never asked details of the wedding, and was dry when I showed her my dress. I have tried to contact her a few times but therr hasn’t been an answer. She’ll call back days later and won’t respond to texts or fb. She even made a few rude comments about my FH and wedding in general. I know its because I didn’t ask for her to be in it, and I woukd have asked her to do a reading at least if she wasn’t acting like this. I thought brides had a right to choose who they have in their wedding.
Post # 2
busybeebee: Unfortunately weddings can get political and it sounds like yours has. “If I’m not in your wedding, I’ll be mean to you.” Honestly, you might not need a friend like that. It’s sad, though, since you’ve been friends for so long.
Post # 3
busybeebee: I have decided that women can be the strangest creatures. It’s unfortunate that she hasn’t been there for you and even more so that she doesn’t seem to happy for you. Hope it gets better.
Post # 4
busybeebee: If she has not been supportive of your relationship, is this behavior really a surprise to you?
You have a right to choose your wedding party. She has a right to her feelings.Unfortunately, weddings can be a great strain on friendships.
Post # 5
busybeebee: Sorry to hear that your friend is acting that way, but in the end it really is you and your FH’s choice. People that get offended by not being selected for your wedding and then treating you poorly just solidify why you didn’t choose them in the first place.
Weddings shouldn’t be such a stressful affair but it is because select people start acting out. We’re having a small wedding and can’t invite everyone. Most people will understand but I expect to receive a nasty e-mail from one person because he’s going to be offended. Even though we haven’t really spoken to him in a year. But that’s how it is. Roll with it.
Post # 6
Brides DO have the right to choose who is in their wedding and it sounds like you had good reasons not to include your best friend.
However, it makes sense that her feelings are hurt because she assumed she would be in your wedding. If you want, you can contact her and let her know your reasons. Tell your former bestie how hurt you are by her comments and behavior.
My former best friend became very critical and gossipy while I was engaged. She was so jealous that she got engaged to some bum who was just using her for money; it was very creepy and jealous behavior.
You don’t need negative energy around you on your wedding day.
Post # 7
She sounds jealous and insecure. Be glad that you chose your cousin; your friend is really showing her true colors now.
I have found that the high degree of stress and emotion in weddings bring out the worst in some people. Maybe shoot her an email and say that the wedding party is family only. After giving her the reason, give her some room to breathe and she will reach out to you when/if shes ready. But I would advise that you dont waste any more of your time trying to soothe her.
Post # 8
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
busybeebee: When I read the title to your post I thought, “Wait, did I write this?” ((HUGS)) I know how hard it is to plan and *keep* the wedding small. My wedding was this past weekend and I’m not lying when I say I lost several friends over sticking to my guns on having a small wedding. The only advice I have is to tell your best friend that you wish she could be there, and if she can find the means to travel she is welcome to come, but otherwise let her know that the ceremony is reserved for family members to keep things fair. Maybe you could find a small reading for her so she can feel like she is a part of it? Sorry you’re experiencing this, it sucks!
Post # 9
Do you really still consider her your best friend after all of this?
Post # 10
busybeebee: How do you know she’s upset about not being a bridesmaid? Is it possible she has something going on in her life that is preventing her from being as communicative as she used to be?
Post # 11
I think it was over the whole thing about not bejng asked to be a bm. We finally talked today and she claims it was because of her phone. I don’t feels as close to her still, but it’s hard to not call her my best friend 🙁