Post # 1
Ok, I should probably start by clarifying in not engaged YET but if you look at my other feeds you’ll probably agree its literally round the corner…
Anyway Best friend is lovely but major competitive with me, and has been about many aspects, she got engaged 2.5 years ago, but then decided she wanted to buy a very large overpriced house, (competitive, and also this obviously meant delaying any wedding plans-luckily they hadn’t even looked at venues by that point).
Fast forward 2.5 years and they’re still going no where, they have looked at a sum total of 1 venue, booked nothing, and have a vague idea of a wedding either oct 2014/15…
anyway, few weeks ago other half and I went to look at rings, when I told her this she was ANGRY and point blank said I am not to get married before she does.
i was really shocked, and I’m also upset, luckily our other friends all know the situation and what she’s like so they back me up, but I can’t believe she even demanded that of me… Thing is I planned to make her a bridesmaid, but my friends and I all know she will be a pain in the a** now, and be awkward with everything… Feel so upset about her reaction and just don’t know what to do?
And I being a bad friend/person in what I’m doing?
Post # 3
No, you are not bring a bad person. Your friend is being a selfish shit head. Sorry.
Post # 4
@mollypuppy: Everyone lives their lives on their own schedule. Life is not a race. No one has the right to tell anyone when they can or can’t get married. So long as you don’t choose the same exact day as her, you are doing nothing wrong. Your friend is being a b1tch.
p.s. lol at “get Barrie’s”. Autocorrect gone wild!
Post # 5
You’re doing nothing wrong. It’s too bad that her engagement isn’t progressing as she planned, but she is just upset about her own situation and taking it out on you. I know a couple girls who get mad at other people’s engagements and marriages because their relationship isn’t at that point yet. You can make her a BM (don’t know if I would), but I can imagine she will continue to be angry until she is married.
Post # 6
@mollypuppy: Your friend is mad her engagement is stalled and taking it out on you. She probably feels like she’s been running a marathon and now you’re “lapping” her after a short sprint. Don’t feed into it. If she’s being a brat just don’t share details with her. Don’t let her disappointment with her own life ruin this time for you.
Post # 7
If I as in your shoes, I would tell said friend that she should go ahead and plan a wedding before yours then 😉
Its not like she hasn’t/doesn’t have ample oppurtunity!
Post # 8
That’s exactly how I feel! Im so happy noone feels I’m a terrible person! (although I’m sure she is telling her FI this!) I have no intention of causing drama, infact her FI is my partners beat friend (for over ten years!) so I wouldn’t brew to purposely upset hersaid she even has a date I’d do my best to make sure there’s a few months between is at least, but I find it totally unreasonable to ask me to wait til after a wedding that hasn’t even been booked!
But she has upset me that because I know my engagement will probably only result in her being a cow to me.
Post # 9
@mollypuppy: You’re very considerate wanting to put “a few months” between the weddings, but I think that’s overkill. What if you both want to get married in Spring 2014? I think so long as there is enough time so events don’t actually overlap (i.e. you’re not honeymooning at the time of her wedding) there’s no problem. Sisters with close weddings can be a problem (because of relatives needing to travel twice), but there’s no real impediment to friends marrying close together, because the guest lists doesn’t overlap nearly as much.
Post # 10
@paula1248: well in honesty, she has a particular month picked out, but no real date, or even year yet. (another thing i find crazy-how can you possibly ask someone not to get married before you, and you havent even choosen your date or year yet!)
I am happy to not consider getting married during that (her) particualr month, but actually, my choice would be to marry the month(s) before hers, (which means i will infact be getting marrid before her.) However, i am not holding off my wedding for an entire year just to suit her and make sure she is married before i am! (it just seems crazy to me!)
I think its like people have said, she is cometitive anyway, and i think her reaction being so negative towards me and my future plans is actually down to her wedding not moving as quickly as she wanted.
im still really unsure about the bridesmaid angle though- i will ultimatly make my mind up when we announce our engagement and i see her reaction… i’d love her to be one of the BM’s but i wont ask her if i feel she will be negative/try to ruin things for me.
Post # 11
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
@mollypuppy: Oh dear, just let her have her drama and don’t let it worry you. Get married when YOU want to, and I wouldn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid. If she’s as competititive as you say she is, I’d keep your wedding plans to yourself as well, because if threads on here have taught me anything then you might find that suddenly she’s set a date immediately before yours and is poaching all your ideas. If she asks, just say “We’re trying to keep it a surprise!”
Some people thrive on the drama, just ignore her. If she bitches, just tell her that your priority was making it convenient for your family, and you’re sorry it doesn’t work for her, or something.
Post # 12
You’ve done nothing wrong. You can’t be expected to put your life on hold until she achieves her goals.
I would have a long think about making her a BM – if she’s reacting like this before you’re even engaged, what are the chances she’ll pull her head in during the actual wedding planning process?
Post # 13
Indeed, you’re totally in the right, she sounds kind of nuts. If she’d at least picked a date that would be one thing… it would give you something to work with and consider appeasing her or not depending on when you had considered it. But surely she can’t truly think she has claim to a time she hasn’t chosen, surely she doesn’t think it’s fair to demand you put your life on hold as long as she does?
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
How she’s acting can be summed up in 5 words: she’s not your best friend.
She’s had YEARS to book her wedding; it’s not like she’s not engaged yet! Outrageous. Tell her to sh*t or get off the pot.
Post # 15
@HappySky7: lol +1.
Completely agree, she is being a “selfish shithead”. It’s not your fault she’s not gotten her butt in gear and been able to put together her wedding. You plan your wedding for you and your FI(to be) ;), not her.
Post # 16
No, you’re not being a bad person. And don’t bend over backwards the least bit to placate her. Don’t arrange your timeline around her or anything. What if she never gets married to this guy? Then you would be leaving yourself and your SO in limbo.
I know you said she is a lovely person but I have no patience for this type of behavior. I would cut her loose…. those are the kind of “friends” you can do without. Life is short.
Oh, and congratulations!