"Best Friend" annouces her engagement ON my wedding day

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1286 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Nexus5:  1st off Congratulations on your wedding and welcome to the married club (my girlfriends and I are silly and made that up). 2) Your friend seems a bit selfish but I doubt she meant to hurt or offend you in your day. Yes I woukd have been a bit bothered by her timing to announce her engagemenr but I wouldnt have let her know it bugged me, in case thats what she was hoping for. It is shady that she stepped down from your bridal party though but sounds like it worked out for the best. Try not to dwell on it too much and enjoy being a newlywed. It doesnt last long:)

Post # 4
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I don’t think her announcing her engagement is the problem here.  The problem is that your best friend hurt your feelings by stepping down, refusing to be a bridesmaid, missing your wedding ceremony, and arriving to your reception late, and THEN announcing her engagement.  That is not bestie behavior.  If my maid of honor (and best friend of 11 years) dropped out and did all the things yours did and then announced her engagement I’d be PISSED. 

 

 

 

You not liking her guy, and the ridiculousness of getting engaged after four months is another story. Whether she did this because she was jealous or not doesn’t really matter.  She didn’t show up for you and your feelings are hurt.  That’s understandable. Other than telling her how you feel, there’s really nothing you can do about it. I always make my friends talk out our issues with me. They hate it, but it works. I’m really sorry she let you down.

 

Post # 6
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

How did she announce the engagement?

Did she say it just to you, you and a small group of people, or did she grab a microphone and tell everyone in attendance?

I’m just curious.

Post # 7
Member
502 posts
Busy bee

The letting your sister be MOH seems like a nice thing. As a sufferer from acne, the idea of millions of photos of me next to gorgeous girls is actually daunting, so I could even let that one go. Announcing an engagement at a wedding has always seemed more to the detriment of the announcer, in my opiniong….all of the attention is on the bride, no matter what announcemenet and attendee makes. And engagement is so exciting, it is hard not to tell others right away.

But missing the ceremeony and being late…I could not let that one go, that is the rudest part to me.

Post # 8
Member
669 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

She doesn’t sound like a very good friend… She skipped your ceremony that’s the most important part.. She obviously cant put her things aside for one day for you to just enjoy the most special day of your life.. she sounds very self absorbed. You have every right to be upset!

Post # 9
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

There’s an old saying – I’m paraphrasing – given the choice betweena conspiracy and a stuff-up, it’s almost alwats a stuff-up. In the same vein, given the choice between maliciousness and cluelessness, it’s almost always cluelessness. The girl’s never been engaged before and may not know the etiquette, in her excitement. I’d give her the benefit of the doubt.

Like @winstonchurchill:  , I think skipping the ceremony is the rudest part. But even then, in some circles this seems to be acceptable.

I also wonder if she has a controlling jerk of a bf (now fiance) who has her at his beck and call, and that’s the real reason why she dropped out and missed the ceremony. Sudden changes in behaviour are often because of jerk boyfriends.

Post # 10
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Nexus5:  I think weddings sometimes make people a little crazy.  Maybe she had always assumed that she would be the first to marry, and was forced to face the fact that her life wasn’t what she dreamed it would be when she was 10.  It was definitely rude to skip your ceremony, and gauche to announce her engagement at your wedding, but it’s up to you if you want to continue being friends.

Post # 11
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

@Rhopalocera:  

+1

@Nexus5:  

I also would be curious to know how she made the announcement. Did she do it in a loud, public or attention-getting way? Or did she just show off her ring to a few of her friends during the course of conversation?

Post # 12
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Nexus5:  how did she ‘announce’ her engagement?  when did she actually get engaged?  that day?

there is obviously a reason for her not only stepping down but also skipping the ceremony and being late for the reception.  do you think she was having personal issues that were triggered by you getting married?  i find it interesting that when she does show up, she’s engaged.

Post # 13
Member
80 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@BelliniChic:  If she grabbed a mic and started telling the whole room she is engaged, then that’s one thing. But telling people around the room is whatever. 

The wedding is supposed to be about celebrating your marriage; not having a monopoly on all the attention in the room. 

Post # 14
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@Jessica_Rabbit:  +1

 

@Nexus5:  you should be very thankful that she stepped down for your sister to be in your wedding.  You go off on this poor girl when she did something extremely classy and decent.  She didn’t have to step down for your sister but she realized it was probably important to you.  

 

Did it ever dawn on you that she might have stepped down due to  financial issues and didn’t want to reveal that?  It  has to be embarrassing for people to admit they are having financial difficulties and perhaps she didn’t want you to judge her.

 

You never know what people are going through so, even though her excuses for stepping down were lame to you, she might not have wanted to admit something that she feels embarrassing to you. 

And late?  At least she showed up to the reception instead of blowing that off.  Maybe she had to work a 2nd job and didn’t want to tell you.  Why not ASK her instead of judging without the knowledge.

I’m sorry but I’d be happy that my friend did show up to the reception even if it was late.  And I’d be grateful that she graciously stepped down so my sister could be in the wedding party.  How about looking at the good that she did instead of the “bad”.   

 

Post # 15
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Nexus5:  I would be more upset she wasn’t in wedding or the fact she didn’t come to ceremony! I’d look past the seeking attention thing but how could she miss your wedding?

Post # 16
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee

@Nexus5:  Are you sure she’s actually engaged, and didn’t just stage an act to look “even” with you? Was she actually there with her supposed fiancé? Four months is a short time to get engaged. I wonder if maybe she felt jealous of you getting married, or maybe she resented you for something you may or may not be aware of, such as you spending all your time on the wedding and no time with her. Hey, maybe she’s the very last of your friends to get married so she was feeling left out and spiteful. I feel sorry for her but that doesn’t excuse her doing something so tacky. And missing the ceremony??

 

 

 

Admittedly I did something remotely similar once (okay it wasn’t that similar,  according to my best friend). The difference was, I wasn’t a maid of honor or even invited. A friend of mine was having a wedding.  She had hyped it up for many months and told me all about it. She would literally boast on Facebook play-by-play of every step of the wedding preparation process, down to a status update about putting the wedding invitations in the mail. Yet I was not invited. By accident my disappointment and feeling of slight was made apparent to her. She made a condescending “sorry I hurt yo

ur feelings” remark, and eventually admitted that she’d left me off the invite because her soon-to-be husband’s brother (who was once my best friend) had had a rift with me over a year prior. It didn’t matter that she was well aware that the reason for the “rift” had been because that guy had gotten rather violent with me while I was pregnant (not his lol). It also didn’t matter that this guy and I already had a polite truce earlier that same year. I was not invited and she was now aware of it while I had been hoping to save face. I felt like a fool. So a few weeks later I announced to her that my own fiancé was taking me on a much-delayed vacation trip on the same weekend as her wedding. In reality that “fiancé” had dumped me months prior. My “dream wedding” was nonexistent, as was any relationship at all for me.  But I hid my dumping from all but my real friends, because I was tired of getting pity from people (such as the bride) and sick of looking like the idiot single mom who waited but never got anything in the end (see my other thread for more details on that lousy relationship). So I was feeling insecure. Needless to say, that girl and I have not been friends since.

 

 

I realize that there are key differences between what I did and what your best friend did, OP. For one, I was not even close to being the bride’s best friend, nor was I invited to the wedding let alone maid of honor. So my pretend trip with my pretend SO was no inconvenience to her wedding. If anything, she could have seen that as a relief from any hypothetical possibility of me crashing her wedding. Also, while planning an exotic trip on “her” weekend may have been tacky, I only announced it to her in a text message and months ahead of the wedding; unlike the best friend, who made her announcement public and AT the wedding. So okay maybe my situation wasn’t all that similar. But I can still share my insight. Is it possible that maybe your best friend isn’t actually engaged? Is it possible that she was feeling extra insecure after perhaps you or someone on your wedding team had made a remark about feeling sorry for her that her SO isn’t the marrying type? Has she shown jealousy or competition before? I’m not saying she was right, just that–from my experience–maybe she’s going through some hurt in her own personal life and felt the need to brag in overcompensation or to prove people wrong about her never marrying. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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