Best friend has two BFs and they know about each other…

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

If both boyfriends know about each other and understand that she spilts her time between them then I don’t think that is considered “cheating”. Not everyone is made to have one partner and there is nothing wrong with her lifestyle. She is not cheating and is practicing two commited open relationships. Have you ever seen sister wives? Not everyone chooses to settle dow with one partner. 

She is 100% correct in saying that if they both love her then they can respect her choice to not be monogamous. If they don’t like it and the lifestyle isn’t for them then they can leave….You are reading WAY too much into facebook. 

Who cares what her relationship is like with both guys? No two relationships are the same. She doesn’t feel like a monogomous lifestyle is for her and she made that clear with all of her relationships. 

She left her kids and that is pretty crappy but they might be better off for it. If my bio-dad hadn’t taken off I would have probably grown to be a terrible person because he is/always will be a terrible guy. 

You obviously think very little of her so what is the point of being her friend?

Post # 4
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Silly_love:  Why are you friends with her if her lifestyle bothers you? I don’t agree with it, either as it is not right for me, but clearly both men know about each other and neither of them are forced to stay. Different strokes for different folks.

Post # 5
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I agree with PPs. She’s not cheating if that’s their agreement. Wouldn’t be my cup of tea, but noone forces them to stay with or pay for her. I may be wrong but might it also be a bit of jealousy that you had to work hard to get where you are and she has it so easy? 

What would bother me much more is her leaving her kids, especially the way she did this. I could not be friends with someone like that. But you were obviously ok with that, so why bother about her style if relationship? If her bf is really upset about it, he should talk to her instead if doing childish Facebook comments. Either way, his comments shouldn’t matter when it comes to your and her friendship. 

Post # 7
Member
397 posts
Helper bee

Silly_love:  I personally could not be friendly with someone who has such a lack of morals. Leaving your kids for another man?! Sleeping with multiple men? No thanks. It’s not anyone’s else’s business to interfere, but you certainly have the choice not to surround myself with people like that. Furthermore, she ABANDONED her kids and her significant others… You truly think she wouldn’t do the same to you if given an opportunity that would benefit her? I could never trust a woman like that to be in my life.

So, I agree 100% with your husband.

Post # 9
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I get where you’re coming from and honestly, I just wouldn’t really be her friend much anymore.  You don’t owe her an explanation, just stop hanging out with her so much.  If she ever asks, just say that you’re not comfortable with her life choices and that you think she will be happier without your judgement in her life.

I have two friends who are no longer friends because of similar issues.  They’re both perfectly happy without each other because they were causing each other so much stress and grief.

Post # 10
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I have broken up with friends over their lifestyles and haven’t looked back once. If your guy doesn’t like her, you feel guilty when hanging out with her, don’t want her at your house..then why are you friends? I personally used to have some troubled friends that i thought I could “fix” blah blah and then finally realized their lifestyle was affecting mine and my FI hated them which affected my realtionship. They aren’t worth it and it sounds as though she is a self obsessed person and probably would screw you over in a heart beat. Heck no…dump her. Sorry to be blunt but I have a lot of experience with crappy friends that had less than admirable lifestyles. I don’t care if her guys know about what she is doing it is gross and manipulative. And her kids?? Don’t get me started…

Post # 11
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Honestly, I don’t think you should be friends with her because it sounds like you resent her. It sounds like you don’t like it because she is having her cake and eating it, too. There are undertones of jealousy I guess because you said you struggled once and now she has someone to support her and is taking advantage of this person.

Like PP said, if he is aware of it and is OK with it, it is not cheating. And that is between them. You and your FI shouldn’t put your values on her and judge her for it. While you may not agree with it, apparently this is what makes her happy. Yes, it is nontraditional. Maybe her live in bf isn’t happy about it, but that’s his battle to fight. He’s aware of the situation and if he doesn’t like, he should do something about it because he’s a grown man. Again, though, not your place.

If you can’t let this go, I would end the friendship. 

Post # 12
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee

Silly_love:  I still think it is a form of cheating if she is lying about where she is/who she is with. Plus she hasn’t been home in 3 days  – poor guy. But other PP’s are right in saying that he doesn’t HAVE to stay with her and support her. I would send her off to live with the other guy and she can come visit him if they want to continue their relationship – but thats on him and what he wants.

I know its hard when you love someone, but can’t help but take a step back and want to ask “WTF are you doing?” the only thing i can say is at least she is mostly upfront about it. I would probably tell her you would rather not be used an an excuse though, since its not like she isnt allowed to go see another guy. It just is involving you in drama for no reason.

ABout your SO, i know what that is like too. I have some family members with very questionable morals that SO just cant get on board with. If they are around he will say hello, but usually I will go see them by myself. There is no way around it really… i cant force him to agree with their actions, sometimes i wish it didn’t bother him so much, but then again his strong morals are something i admire about him. 

Post # 15
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I was reading this and going “well, it sounds like she has this agreement with these guys, so I don’t really know that it is cheating…” until I got to the part where you say she left her kids for a different man. I think that is beyond terrible and I don’t know if I would be able to be friends with someone like this as I would have a REALLY hard time keeping my mouth shut about her lack of morals.

Maybe it is time for you to cut ties with her.

Post # 13
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

I probably would not involve myself with her at this point – she sounds sort of wakeful and I agree with anyone who may want you not to be involved switch her. She is making you a party to her bad behavior just by including you in lies. I think that you may also not want future kids seeing you silently approve of her behavior. I don’t mean to be harsh but that is the implication

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