(Closed) best friend instead of sister for MOH?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@RAWR.its.BREN:  I totally agree! I have ONE blood sister I don’t get along with amazingly but my mom was pressuring me to make her my Maid/Matron of Honor because she is after all my only sister but she’s so flakey and irresponsible and really disrespectful to me that it made me kind of upset that I SHOULD choose to HONOR her with the title when she could probably care less and wouldn’t even be a good one. 

but THEN my 3 best friends and I have been growing apart as we grow up and get married ourselves and now the girl I WOULD HAVE made my Maid/Matron of Honor is a June bride with her own wedding to worry about (and I always thought she’d pick me but she picked our other close friend *dagger in the heart*) and she got kind of weird when I got engaged and wanted a September wedding in the same year and now its like we’re not even as close anyway so I sort of want to pick my OTHER best friend but she’s going through a tough recovery of an eating disorder now so I don’t want to trouble her and I don’t want to put any extra pressure on her (even tho she’s hinted that she would love to be it cuz we’ve neve fought and have been best bEST friends for the past 8 years)   and so I’ve said I just wont have a maid of honor but have 3 best friends and 3 sisters (my brother’s wife & my FH sister who are just included to be included) but now I think I kind of want a Maid/Matron of Honor and I’m thinking about asking my tried and trusted friend….

I don’t think I’ll regret it, I just don’t want the other friends to think she’s a sloppy second choice cuz the first choice (June Bride) knew I wanted to have her for my Maid/Matron of Honor but now things have changed and most of all SHE has changed so…

YIKES thats a big novel I wrote… I hope I make sense. I mean to support your choice in choosing your best friend and still INCLUDING your sisters as a gesture. I think its definitely important to include them purely for the historical significance of the event and you should have your family involved even if things are crazy now. 

Any advice for me? Think I should leave it as-is and not have a Maid/Matron of Honor or should I just pick the loyal, tried and true friend who is not the best public speaker but is very sweet and very similar to me but is dealing with an eating disorder and might do better without the extra stress…
I hope I helped a little!

Post # 5
1133 posts
Bumble bee

I agree. My sister is a bit older than me and I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in her wedding. Her Maid/Matron of Honor was her best friend, and that’s what I plan to do as well.

Post # 6
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My sister wasn’t my maid of honor. She wasnt even 18 yet when we started planning and I didn’t want to put that kind of pressure on her. A very good friend was Maid/Matron of Honor and my sis was next in the bridesmaid lineup. I feel that this is a personal choice based on feelings and situations and I don’t think there is a wrong answer IMO. It is your wedding and you shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about your choices.

Post # 7
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My sister isn’t my Maid/Matron of Honor, however she is one of my bridesmaids. My sister isn’t even 21 and she is busy with school so I just didn’t see her as having time or experience to be Maid/Matron of Honor, and she doesn’t care. (I picked my best friend instead and she is a textbook Maid/Matron of Honor lol!) However, while me and my sister could care less, I feel a little weird about it because OTHER people seem to think it’s weird I didn’t pick her. She had a friend tell her that “she would be so pissed” if her sister hadn’t picked her. I also have a friend who acted like I was a crazy person for not picking my sister. I’m trying to remind myself that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks as long as me and my sister are okay with it.

Honestly, I wasn’t even sure if my sister would be okay with it so I was really scared to tell her. I think you just need to have a talk with your sister and let her know that it was a hard decision and you really hope she isn’t mad, and offer her something special to do at the wedding such as a reading or a toast. 

Post # 8
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@kimmysum- go with your friend. Your Maid/Matron of Honor should be someone you really care for an u know will be there for u.

@ RAWR- I was in the same exact situation. I have 1 younger sister and we had always said since we were little we would be in each others weddings. Well…now we are grown-ups and she is a complete wreck…unemployed, slightly addicted, habitually unreliable, etc… So, when it came time to pick my Maid/Matron of Honor I picked my absolute BFF of the past 8 years. Then Fiance and I decided that we would only havve a Maid/Matron of Honor and best man so no BMs. Yeah- my sister was totally upset (to make matters worse her ex bf is the best man) and didn’t talk to me for a little while. Yeah- my mom was a little upset also, but she got over it once she heard my reasoning. But when it came down to it- my sister and I are barely more than friends, so to have her as my Maid/Matron of Honor was ot of the question. My BFF/MOH would do ANYTHING for me, no matter what or when, I can depend on her for anything and I know when it comes down to crunch time she will be right there DIYing her little heart out right along with me. Go with your gut…this is YOUR wedding!!!

Post # 9
598 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I didn’t have my sister in my bridal party either.  She caused a lot of trauma for my family and got in a lot of trouble growing up.  On top of that she’s been married and divored 3 times and is now on her 4th engagement.  Not that there is anything wrong with being divorced…but IMO she has always gotten married for the wrong reasons.  Because of all of that I didn’t think it was appropriate for her to be in the wedding party as either a Maid/Matron of Honor or bridesmaid.  I have asked her to do a reading just for that very reason. I didn’t want her to feel left out or get her feelings hurt. So maybe you could find another job other than bridesmaid for them to do so that they can still feel involved but you can not have to deal with them in the bridal party….

Post # 10
21 posts
  • Wedding: July 2012

My sister isn’t my Maid/Matron of Honor, but she is my Bridesmaid or Best Man.  It isn’t because we aren’t close – we are – but she lives over six hours away, and it makes wedding planning and collaboration really difficult. My sister is not familiar with any of the local venues or vendors and I would have ended up doing so much of this on my own. I chose my Maid/Matron of Honor because she is a good friend, reliable, detail-oriented, knows my tastes very well and has been great about helping me even before I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I had one other Bridesmaid or Best Man that had assumed that she would be the Maid/Matron of Honor, but being the Bridesmaid or Best Man is going to be a financial strain on her as it is. All the duties associated with the Maid/Matron of Honor would have been ridiculous for her. Aside from this, she is rather unreliable and has a boyfriend that doesn’t let her go out and do much, so it would have, again, been really hard to collaborate and plan.

When it comes down to it, you  have to remember that it is /your/ wedding. Feelings may be hurt – someone’s usually is in these things – but you have to choose someone that you know is going to be reliable and is going to really help you plan this. It can get very overwhelming, and then if you have a Maid/Matron of Honor that shirks duties or that you cannot depend on, it just causes too much drama.

Post # 11
15 posts
  • Wedding: March 2013

My sister will be a Bridesmaid or Best Man but my best friend will be my Maid/Matron of Honor. I’m not super close with my sister though.

Post # 12
23636 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

My sister was also a Bridesmaid or Best Man and my best friend was Maid/Matron of Honor.  My sister is 8 years younger and didn’t feel comfortable having that kind of responsibility on her shoulders!

Post # 13
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I also have 2 sisters and they are both bridesmaids but my best friend is my Maid/Matron of Honor. I have always been closer to my friends than either of my sisters due to our age differences. I think both of my sisters just knew that I would choose my friend and there was no drama at all. I hope your sisters are understanding and supportive of your decision.

Post # 15
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Go with your best friend and don’t look back. Your Maid/Matron of Honor should be the person you can best trust to support you and be there for you in this important time.

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