- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
This is long, but I need advice so much right now.
So about a month ago, my best friend broke up with her abusive boyfriend for the 5th time in 10 months. I knew he was not a nice man, but when she told me that he hit her a few times during heated arguments, that was the first time I had heard that he had been physically abusing her. When I heard that, I just started crying. To think that my best friend, practically my sister, had been getting beat up on…I just wanted to really hurt that guy.
She seemed pretty secure in not getting back together with him and had even started dating someone else, and then yesterday I got this really long and confusing facebook message from her explaining that they were back together. She said that they were both going to counseling and were going to work really hard on getting rid of their bad relationship habits and she asked me to support her decision. I wrote her back and this is how the conversation went (copy/pasted from facebook):
Me: Oh for Pete’s sake. This message makes no sense. I’m so sad for you right now.
Her: Please don’t be like that.
Me: Like what? Worried for your health? Your sanity? Your physical well being? Sad because I feel like you’re going to end up more hurt than you already are?
Well, I can’t stop that, because I love you. You’re my sister, my best friend and I never ever want to see you be hurt like that ever. I’m not judging you, and I definitely hope you don’t think I am because I’m not. I’m worried and scared for you, that’s all. God… two days ago you said that you weren’t even thinking of getting back together with him. What happened?
Her: I donâ€™t like your attitude right now.
Me: You don’t like my attitude? Are you serious? You told me he physically abused you! I do not take that lightly, ever. The thought of a person hurting you like that makes me cry. I’m crying right now. If you don’t like my attitude, that means you don’t want me to care and if you don’t want me to care, perhaps it’s best if you don’t discuss your relationship with John with me, because I swear to god, nothing could make not care about a man who hurts you like that.
So, I know she seems really set on her decision, but I just donâ€™t know what to do anymore. I canâ€™t not say anything about it, but I donâ€™t want her to be afraid to call me if he does hurt her again. I want her to know I am here for her, but I donâ€™t support this relationship and I just donâ€™t know how to do that. Help?