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I know that it's hard to see your friends get engaged before you. Most of my friends have been married for several years and many have at least 1 child. However, you don't want to share your special moment or special story or special day with someone else. Your relationship with your SO is unique and special, and as a couple, you deserve a special moment to go along with that. Your relationship needs to go at its own pace on its own terms. Try not to compare your situation with another person because we are all different people in unique situations. Your time will come, and it will be glorious.
One of my co-workers got engaged the weekend I thought my FI was going to propose. I was feeling a little bummed when I came to work that day, only to have to listen to her proposal story all day long. There was a choice- either be happy and smile, even if it was forced, or sit there and be upset about a situation I couldn't change. That night I went home and was very quiet, my FI figured out what had happened without me saying anything. I had thought about pushing the issue, but know how well I would NOT react to someone questioning me about why I had not proposed. And I personally would not want to get engaged because my SO felt bad or was guilted into proposing before he was ready. I don't know your bf, but I'm guesssing you saying something to him might not be the best approach. There is a lot of thought and pressure on guys when it comes to proposing b/c it is a huge promise and commitment, and he will do it when he is ready. I know it is hard, oh so hard, but be patient, it will happen.
Your time will come... trust me. I waited 5 years and 3 months. I cried for AGES when one of our friends got engaged and then married before my now FI even proposed when they had been together for a much shorter time than us. In fact, three of our mutual friends got engaged before we even did... and I was really really angry/sad/hurt, you name it.
The reason my FI couldn't propose earlier was simply because he didn't have the money to get me a ring. He wanted it to be perfect, and sure enough, he got me an AMAZING ring. So moral of the story is, there are probably reasons as to why he hasn't proposed yet- it likely isn't because he doesn't want to, but because he wants it to be absolutely perfect for you. Be patient!
I have to tell you, I got engaged before my BFF and she was with man for 13 YRS!!!! I had only dated my Fi for 1yr 3mons before he asked! So it was hard for me to celebrate with my BFF because of course I was super excited, but at the same time sad for her! In the end, my BFF got engaged a week after us and now we're planning our weddings together, which has been so much fun and less stressful for the both of us!
I know it must be hard, but you just have to be happy for her and hopefully your time will come soon.
I definitely had a similar reaction when a few of our mutual friends got engaged while I was waiting...One time I got so mad I refused to go to an engagement party!! There many many fights and tears but when he did finally propose, it was so wonderful that it was worth the waiting!!! Hang in there, it's sooooooo hard, I know but it will happen, hopefully soon!
Thanks for all the responses bees!
@jingle- She has been dating her BF half the time I have been dating mine so she already feels super guilty..she actually asked if I was ok after she texted me to tell me :(
I definitely wont rant to BF about it..he already knows how I am feeling right now just based on past friends' engagements.
I just feel like it will never come..I was bored the other night so I went through my facebook etc. and counted 33 friends engaged..all of which have been dating their BFs sooo much less than me. I already know why BF is waiting to propose and have somewhat of a deadline but it still sucks.Im trying sooo hard to be patient, but whenever someone gets engaged, it goes out the window :(
Thanks for listening, end rant/vent.
It's hard. It's hard and it's aggravating and it's the most frustrating thing that you'll ever have to deal with. When my friend who'd been dating her man for just over a year got engaged I was SO angry with FH that I didn't talk to him for most of the rest of the day. Just hang in there. One day it will come and you'll look back on this and say "wow, I'm so glad it happened when it did" and you'll laugh at this post. Really you will - although it's hard right now.
ooh that's tough. i would just take some time to be by myself and let all those feelings wash over. sometimes, even when i know there's nothing i can do about it, i just have to go through the motions of being upset to start to get over it. the pp all have very great advice on dealing with the situation. you're time will come but that doesn't mean knowing that makes the waiting part any easier to deal with.
well you can't do a lot. I was with my guy for 3.5 years when he proposed. My friend had been with her now-husband for about 8 months. She was so bitter I got engaged before her and so jealous she actually had a hard time discussing my wedding with me (and she was a bridesmaid). She apologized for it afterwards, but it always made me really sad that she couldn't get over it just to be happy for me. So try not to let your disappointment show too much! I agree, in a few months time, it will all seem trivial. Being the first of most of my friends (also in THE longest relationship, lol), i was easily able to tell who was truly happy for me and who was just green with envy.
Yeah.... there is nothing you can do about it.
I would have to say... instead of getting angry at him, let him know your plans and see if he shares the same plans. Obviously he knows you want to get engaged but maybe set up a time line of things you want to achieve in the next few years?
My friend got engaged before me and it sucked. But i helped her plan things and it got me out of my funk. Good luck with your friend, and cheer up... i know this is all frustrating
The other ladies have given you great advise, but all I have is ((HUGS)).... I giggled today to discover another high school friend that is married. I am seriously the only one not married. I just shrug my shoulders and laugh it off now. I really had a different path than everyone else in my high school and it still seems that it's the same. Your path is different than your best friends... I'd just let it go with your beau he is probably expecting you to go off on him, I'd seriously not go there with him and surprise him, you know...
Patience is a virtue..
Patience is a virtue..
haha this is my new mantra.
I bought a bunch of scrapbooking stuff today to keep my mind off wedding/engagement stuff. I wish I could go out with my friends but Im dying of a head cold and shoulder pain..bleh. Thanks for the advice again bees, I cant wait for the day when I look back at my WB rants and laugh lol!
What I always think is, do you want to marry her man? Really think about it, think about being with that guy in marriage... I don't know about you but all my friends SOs are very much not my thing so of course I'm happy that they're happy with their guys... and happy their guys aren't mine.
Engagements aren't prizes and really they are not between anyone but you and him and if you've already promised each other forever... what else is there that's important?
@ Fuschia: I did the same thing with the BFF (asking if she was ok). But she already knew it was coming, because the FI took the BFF to the jeweler to see the ring. So that must have been hard on her too!! I just made it a point not to talk about too much with her unless she brought it up and then it didn't take too long for her to get her ring, now we're talking about it NONSTOP!! She's actually getting married next month...before me, funny huh?!
fuschiasparkles-
My BF of over 6 years just proposed to me on Christmas (yay!) and we have been living together 5 years and 10 months of that time so as you can imagine, my wait felt unbearable. My BFF got engaged before I did (this past July) to a guy she has been dating for 3 years, so my relationship is double hers in regard to length. On top of that, I have fourteen friends who have met someone, gotten engaged, then gotten married, and have either gotten pregnant or had babies, all throughout the course of my relationship. I know how it feels to sit by and watch this happen - and one of these met/married/baby-people is my little sister, and another is the guy that I broke up with prior to being with my BF (who I was with for 5 years, btw!!!). After all of that, the only thing that I can tell you is that your engagement will happen when it's meant to and there is nothing you can do about it. I had been giving my guy a "deadline" since 2007 (after 4 years). Obviously that went out the window several times and I eventually realized that it was wrong to force him. I knew that I did NOT want to marry someone that I had to beg to marry me. The crazy thing was, he did want to marry me but would not propose (his reason for not being ready was money-related and I thought it was stupid...at the time). All of it for me was extra difficult due to age - I am now 30 and my guy is 38. We're pretty cool as we're not the typical 30-something's, but as a woman I was thinking about a family and wanting that by a certain age. (not sure how old you are and if that is a factor in your feelings). Anyway, as much as it bothered me to see everyone else moving forward in their relationships, me and my guy were moving forward, too, but I couldn't see that because all I could focus on was the fact that we were not engaged. However, we were becoming stronger as a team - even the anguish of waiting made us stronger because we had to deal with the feelings associated with it - and now that I have gotten engaged after waiting so long, I am so thankful for having had to deal with that wait because it prepared us for this time that we now have together as an engaged couple, and made the engagement so much more special and SO SOLID. I KNOW without a doubt, thanks to a very significant amount of time together, that he loves me for me - 6 years of me - and I KNOW without a doubt that we can get through anything now thanks to all the ups and downs, many caused by the very word "marriage." So trust me when I tell you that there is light at the end of this looong tunnel and once you reach it, you'll realize that it was just the right amount of time to wait, even though you may not think so right now. :) I have never seen my BF so genuinely thrilled to discuss weddings and diamonds - haha. He is so so proud of the ring he was able to give to me (I was so desperate at one point that I told him I didn't even need one if that would help bring on a proposal!!), and he tells everyone we come into contact with that he just got engaged - to me. He said he feels different, that we feel different, and he is so excited to marry me. He asks me every day if we can go to City Hall!!! I love it. Had I not let him (finally) do this in his own time, we probably would have either broken up and been miserable apart, or gotten engaged and still been miserable since it would have been somewhat forced. I guess you just have to give in to the wait and as cliche as it sounds, accept that it's happening this way for a reason and in the end, your relationship with him will be the very best it can be because of it.
In the meantime, be happy for your BFF. It's not fair for her to feel like she needs to apologize to you just because you weren't first, and you should probably assure her of that. My BFF felt guilty for a split-second and I squashed that right away - she deserves to enjoy her engagement and you should definitely treat her the same way that you will expect her to treat you when your BF proposes. :)
barbring.jpg (12.6 KB, 46 downloads) 2 years old
@ citywalker: I truly enjoyed reading your post and it is very true!! I'm happy for you and Congrats to you and your FI!!! You have a beautiful ring, tell the Fi he did good!! It's so great that he's just as excited and makes all the planning so much better! HAPPY PLANNING!
I know it bites, I'm living it right now....keep your chin up and think positively and it'll happen :O)
i totally feel for you! about half of my friends were engaged and married before i was and they were all dating their boyfriends for half the time that i had been with mine. my best friend from college got engaged in october of this year (she had been with her bf for 3 years) and i was happy for her, but then when i got off the phone with her i just sat in my room and cried. i felt like it was never going to happen for me. i knew that my bf had the ring at that point, so it made it even more upsetting for me that he was just waiting forever. my friend's bf didn't even have the ring in his possession when he asked my friend.
there were so many times when i thought about leaving my boyfriend because i felt like we just weren't in the same place. i felt like 5 years was a good amount of time to have been together and get married, apparently he didn't. whenever i would get down about my relationship with my bf, i would just remind myself that there is nobody in this world that i want to spend the rest of my life with and if that means that i have to either wait to get married or never get married to be with this man, then so be it. i have never had anyone stay my friend through thick and thin as long as he has and i can honestly say that he is the best friend that i have ever had.
believe me, if you feel this same way about your boyfriend, it's totally worth the wait! just be sure to be open with each other about how you are feeling about where your relationship is going.
ugh that sucks... but i'm sure your time will come. In the meantime, please be SO excited for your friend! You know that she will be thrilled for you when you get engaged, and she deserves to have you be equally excited for her!
@citywalkr76 - thank you for posting your story. it's truly inspirational, and i think you have some VERY excellent advice. i think many of us waiting bees are having some very trying times, and it's really nice to hear stories like yours that have a happy ending!
@fuschia - i was totally in the same boat when my BF's best friend got engaged. we hang out with him ALL the time so he's kinda become a good friend of mine as well. i was totally devasted, and it showed. i'm kind of over it now and can be genuinely happy and excited for them now, but i will say (snarky as it sounds), i'm so glad my BF and i are way more open & actively communicating about marriage, wedding plans, etc, than they were because at the very least, i won't end up with a hideous engagement ring ;)
@citywalker: Thank you for your post!!!! Your ring is beautiful too :)
So BFF came to town and I couldnt help but notice she was GLOWING :) I am sooo excited for her!! I could tell when she first walked in the door she was nervous to show me her ring etc, but I let her know that I was excited to help her plan her wedding and demanded to see her rock! LOL. Its still kind of weird to think she is actually engaged but Im sure that is normal and it will pass. OH! she also asked me to be a bridesmaid, so now Im super pumped!
Also, BF and I made up,about a day and a half later he sensed what was wrong and we talked it out. We agreed to go look at rings in the next few weeks(so we can get an idea of what I would realistically like and get a price range) and we agreed to not buy each other V-day gifts or 5 yr anniversary gifts (just get each other a heartfelt card) so BF can start putting money away for a ring. Soo it might be a while, but at least I can be happy helping my BFF with her wedding so when my engagement/wedding comes around she can help me and give me some tips hahaha!
Patience is a virtue..
Patience is a virtue..
Patience is a virtue..
<3
I learned a LOT being a MOH 3 times for girls who had all had shorter relationships than me. I was jealous at the time but now im extra gratefull for the knowledge!!!!!
Oh Fuschia, I know how you feel! I didn't have anyone dating for less time than us beat us to engagement, but I still would get super jealous everytime someone we knew got engaged. I even exploded at FI during weddings we went to.. super embarassed about that now. Like you said, be patient, but also be firm about what you want. Make sure he actually does start saving and has a timeline in mind. It will make you a little more sane!
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Soo clearly the title says it all..one of my best friends got engaged tonight to her BF of 2.5 yrs...IM STOKED for her dont get me wrong, but now I TOTALLY resent my BF! I sent him 2 txts about it and he didnt say anything, and didnt say anything when I picked him up tonight..I think he knows he is gonna hear it from me. She is coming to visit me on Saturday and I know my disappoint will show (I know she wont be hurt by it because she knows how it feels to be a lady in waiting thankfully)..im just SOO over waiting..what do I do??? I dont even want to speak to my BF right now :((