(Closed) Best friend is ENGAGED! I..am not :/

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I know that it’s hard to see your friends get engaged before you.  Most of my friends have been married for several years and many have at least 1 child.  However, you don’t want to share your special moment or special story or special day with someone else.  Your relationship with your SO is unique and special, and as a couple, you deserve a special moment to go along with that.  Your relationship needs to go at its own pace on its own terms.  Try not to compare your situation with another person because we are all different people in unique situations.  Your time will come, and it will be glorious.

Post # 4
Member
542 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

One of my co-workers got engaged the weekend I thought my FI was going to propose.  I was feeling a little bummed when I came to work that day, only to have to listen to her proposal story all day long.  There was a choice- either be happy and smile, even if it was forced, or sit there and be upset about a situation I couldn’t change.  That night I went home and was very quiet, my FI figured out what had happened without me saying anything.  I had thought about pushing the issue, but know how well I would NOT react to someone questioning me about why I had not proposed.  And I personally would not want to get engaged because my SO felt bad or was guilted into proposing before he was ready.  I don’t know your bf, but I’m guesssing you saying something to him might not be the best approach.  There is a lot of thought and pressure on guys when it comes to proposing b/c it is a huge promise and commitment, and he will do it when he is ready.  I know it is hard, oh so hard, but be patient, it will happen.

Post # 5
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Your time will come… trust me. I waited 5 years and 3 months. I cried for AGES when one of our friends got engaged and then married before my now FI even proposed when they had been together for a much shorter time than us. In fact, three of our mutual friends got engaged before we even did… and I was really really angry/sad/hurt, you name it.

The reason my FI couldn’t propose earlier was simply because he didn’t have the money to get me a ring. He wanted it to be perfect, and sure enough, he got me an AMAZING ring. So moral of the story is, there are probably reasons as to why he hasn’t proposed yet- it likely isn’t because he doesn’t want to, but because he wants it to be absolutely perfect for you. Be patient!

Post # 6
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I have to tell you, I got engaged before my BFF and she was with man for 13 YRS!!!!  I had only dated my Fi for 1yr 3mons before he asked!  So it was hard for me to celebrate with my BFF because of course I was super excited, but at the same time sad for her!  In the end, my BFF got engaged a week after us and now we’re planning our weddings together, which has been so much fun and less stressful for the both of us!

I know it must be hard, but you just have to be happy for her and hopefully your time will come soon. 

Post # 7
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

I definitely had a similar reaction when a few of our mutual friends got engaged while I was waiting…One time I got so mad I refused to go to an engagement party!! There many many fights and tears but when he did finally propose, it was so wonderful that it was worth the waiting!!! Hang in there, it’s sooooooo hard, I know but it will happen, hopefully soon!

Post # 9
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

It’s hard. It’s hard and it’s aggravating and it’s the most frustrating thing that you’ll ever have to deal with. When my friend who’d been dating her man for just over a year got engaged I was SO angry with FH that I didn’t talk to him for most of the rest of the day. Just hang in there. One day it will come and you’ll look back on this and say “wow, I’m so glad it happened when it did” and you’ll laugh at this post. Really you will – although it’s hard right now. 

Post # 10
Member
2408 posts
Buzzing bee

ooh that’s tough. i would just take some time to be by myself and let all those feelings wash over. sometimes, even when i know there’s nothing i can do about it, i just have to go through the motions of being upset to start to get over it. the pp all have very great advice on dealing with the situation. you’re time will come but that doesn’t mean knowing that makes the waiting part any easier to deal with. 

Post # 11
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

well you can’t do a lot. I was with my guy for 3.5 years when he proposed. My friend had been with her now-husband for about 8 months. She was so bitter I got engaged before her and so jealous she actually had a hard time discussing my wedding with me (and she was a bridesmaid). She apologized for it afterwards, but it always made me really sad that she couldn’t get over it just to be happy for me. So try not to let your disappointment show too much! I agree, in a few months time, it will all seem trivial. Being the first of most of my friends (also in THE longest relationship, lol), i was easily able to tell who was truly happy for me and who was just green with envy. 

Post # 12
Member
545 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Yeah…. there is nothing you can do about it.

I would have to say… instead of getting angry at him, let him know your plans and see if he shares the same plans. Obviously he knows you want to get engaged but maybe set up a time line of things you want to achieve in the next few years?

My friend got engaged before me and it sucked. But i helped her plan things and it got me out of my funk. Good luck with your friend, and cheer up… i know this is all frustrating

Post # 13
Member
10218 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

The other ladies have given you great advise, but all I have is ((HUGS))…. I giggled today to discover another high school friend that is married. I am seriously the only one not married. I just shrug my shoulders and laugh it off now. I really had a different path than everyone else in my high school and it still seems that it’s the same.  Your path is different than your best friends… I’d just let it go with your beau he is probably expecting you to go off on him, I’d seriously not go there with him and surprise him, you know…

Post # 15
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

What I always think is, do you want to marry her man?  Really think about it, think about being with that guy in marriage… I don’t know about you but all my friends SOs are very much not my thing so of course I’m happy that they’re happy with their guys… and happy their guys aren’t mine. 

Engagements aren’t prizes and really they are not between anyone but you and him and if you’ve already promised each other forever… what else is there that’s important?

Post # 16
Member
2342 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@ Fuschia:  I did the same thing with the BFF (asking if she was ok). But she already knew it was coming, because the FI took the BFF to the jeweler to see the ring.  So that must have been hard on her too!!  I just made it a point not to talk about too much with her unless she brought it up and then it didn’t take too long for her to get her ring, now we’re talking about it NONSTOP!!  She’s actually getting married next month…before me, funny huh?!

The topic ‘Best friend is ENGAGED! I..am not :/’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors