(Closed) Best Friend is engaged to a horrible person after 6 months.. What would you do?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I think a simple “Congratulations” works. You don’t have to express happiness and since she knows how you feel about this scumbag, it would honestly be niave for her to ask whether you are or not. If she outright does ask “are you happy for me” you should answer along the lines of:

“Yes, I’m happy because you seem happy in the decision. As long as he doesn’t hurt you, I will support you in you marriage to X”. 

At the end of the day, she is your friend and while you might not be happy with her choice you should be happy that she is happy and should have the desire to support her in her endeavors (however ill concieved they seem to you)

Ask the usual questions…date, ideas etc. and then use the dicussion to somehow talk about her involvement in your wedding. Perhaps you can nail her down for some long overdue planning! If she asks you to be her maid you can go dress shopping together for the other’s BM dresses for example.

Post # 4
Member
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@musicalroseexactly!

Be supportive and don’t tell her how you really feel about him or she’ll distance herself from you.  If she’s your friend, you want to be there when she needs your support, if you think they will have difficulty later.  Keep it about how happy you are for her being happy, you don’t have to comment on him.  Now you can plan wedding stuff together?

Post # 5
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Sorry bout it y’all, but best friends of 27 years means being honest even if you lose them briefly. If they can’t handle your concerns/address them/convince you they are unfounded than they aren’t best friends. I say that only if this is in the best interest of their emotional/physical health- not because you just think the dude sucks at parties. My mom had a huge falling out with her college bestie (so friends for well over twenty years) when she told her not to marry a leach ex who talked poorly of her children. They are friends again now, and the guy isn’t in the picture. There’s a time and a place. You aren’t being catty, you are sincerely worried about the damage this could cause her. Don’t be harsh, but you have every right to say: “I am so happy you are happy, I have some concerns because of x-y-z/previous things, but if he is lucky enough to score you than I know he’ll want to prove how lucky he is every day.” You get  to say what you need to say honestly and she gets to rememeber that he should feel darn lucky to have her.

Post # 6
Member
1477 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

This is a very, very hard situation. On one hand, if you’re honest, she likely won’t listen to you anyway and be upset. On the other hand, if you’re superficial and only say ‘Congrats’ and be supportive you’ll be going crazy inside because you’ll want to scream your feelings at her and you’ll feel like you’re doing her a disservice for not telling her how you feel.

I’ve been in your shoes before! A bunch of my friends felt like this with one friend. It’s hard. I was really subtle with my feelings on occasion with my friend and when something came up regarding their rocky relationship we had a big conversation about it and I would question her decision. She married the guy anyway. 

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