- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
Hi Bees! This is my first post – I’m hoping maybe someone can give me a fresh perspective on this situation (or at least let me know I’m not crazy). I’ve looked at it from a bunch of angles and still feel frustrated. I’m sorry if it’s a little long.
I’ve known my best friend Jane (not her real name) since high school, and for the sake of honestly I have to admit that she’s been driving me nuts for a while. The past few years were tough for her, and I did everything I could to be supportive, whether that meant offering her advice or just lending an ear for her to vent. She refuses to take control of her life and deal with these issues, though, so I get to hear the same problems over…and over…and over again. Still, I try to be patient and understanding because I’m her friend, and that’s what friends do.
Several months ago, I got engaged. Jane was excited when she found out, but after that she never mentioned the wedding. It’s a longer engagement – we’re not getting married until 2013 – so for the first few months I just let it go, since I wasn’t quite into the planning stages yet anyway.
About two months ago (right around the time when we were actually starting to plan), Jane and I met for coffee. The majority of our two-hour-long conversation focused on her. At one point I tried to bring up the wedding, and she listened for a few minutes and then brushed it off, saying that she can’t relate to people who are getting married, and that she just wants to go out to clubs because she’s not ready to settle down. I don’t believe the comment was meant to be a dig, but given the context, it still hurt a lot. I’ve spent the past few years being supportive of her regardless of whether I could “relate” to her situation, and the first time I tried to talk about the wedding with her, she shot me down.
I’ve been avoiding her since then, which makes me sad – she used to be a great friend, but I feel like because I’m getting married, she isn’t interested in what’s going on in my life. I don’t by any means expect her to obsess about the wedding or want to talk about it all the time – that would drive me crazy! But I also don’t think it would hurt for her to occasionally ask about wedding-related things.
Today I emailed her and mentioned the wedding, hoping that maybe she was waiting for me to bring it up rather than mentioning it constantly and stressing me out. When she replied to the email, she didn’t mention the wedding at all, and instead asked me if I thought I could make more time to hang out with her.
If you were me, would you be bothered that she won’t acknowledge the wedding? And if she did suddenly turn around and take an interest, would it be enough to take the edge off the fact that she ignored it for a reasonably extended period of time?
Thanks everyone! 🙂